Sufferer Trauma From Childhood

[RussH]

Hello everyone. I am new to the forum, and have just learned about it. I suffered emotional trauma as a child. I was bullied over a long period of time, and one day, I didn't just break, I shattered. Since that time I would find myself in certain situations that would bring up this old hurt. I thought I was just a pathetic weakling that needed to man up.

However I just learned that there are others just like me. I just learn, this past weekend, that I suffer from emotional flashbacks. When I read the effects of bullying, I can go right down the line and check off the symptoms one by one. I realize that I am really screwed up, but at least I am screwed up in a consistent manner, and knowing that helps.

I am deeply sorry for each of you that you too have suffered something that brought you to this site, but I am glad you are here because I need some friends that understand me, and what I live with.

Please feel free to ask me questions regarding my past, what I am dealing with, and what symptoms I recognize in me. I look forward to meeting all of you.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Russ,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum!

This is a great site for information and most importantly the support you. I hope that you find this a healing place.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[Seasounds]

Hello! As you mentioned, it really wondrously strengthening to find others that share similar experiences. I've found that here. I hope you do too.

From my time in this Forum, people in this site are very respectful; most often they wait for you to share a problem, that you want help with, before they share their thoughts or ask you questions.

Enjoy!

 

[Phenioxrising]

Hi Russ, welcome!!

So what's been bugging you lately?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome. :)

 

[RussH]

Phenioxrising,

I have been suffering from this for forty plus years, but never knew what was happening to me. I recently had one of my triggers tripped, and it caused an emotional flashback. It has be significant in its intensity and duration: 2 weeks. And, unfortunately, it happened at work. However my supervisors are understanding, and I am going to be meeting with them to form a plan to help provide a safety net for me at work.

As I am new to the forum I will not get into all the feelings of self loathing this brings up:), but as I said I think, finally, I will get some kind of support network in place.

I will certainly am looking forward to getting to know the folks here on the fourm and getting help as well as offering it.

 

[Seasounds]

RussH, I share your situation at work. I'm just getting over a month long trigger, myself. Sounds like you are really being proactive.

A few years ago, when my employer increased my workload, my PTSD got triggered regularly, to the point that my job was jeapordized. I went to my psychologist, and we submitted a request for FMLA PTSD Disability. While it was being processed (1 week) I took the rest of the week off, to let the PTSD exacerbation wind down and to strategize how I could go through my days more efficiently. Then talked to my supervisors. All of these actions were worth it.

The FMLA PTSD Disability helps protect your job, in that you don't get PTSD related illness/sick days counted against your attendance. It is law, just need a Psychologist, Psychiatrist, or your PCP to fill out the forms. Then you won't need to stress, as much, if you miss days. Of course, if your behavior or work performance is below standard, they can always release you from work.

 

[RussH]

Change, As I am really new to realizing I have PTSD I am just now understanding about triggers. I do know that one of my triggers is rejection. Something happened at work that really was unimportant, but it trigger an emotional flashback. it is really hard to stand in front of a co-worker who is the supervisor with tears in your eyes and very obviously upset.

This flashback has lasted almost two weeks, and included sitting in my manager's office in a full-blown bawling break down . Fortunately she is very understanding, and we are working on a plan for my supervisors to help me.

I am going to be meeting with my manager and supervisors and sharing enough of my history, so they can have a fundamental understanding of what I am going through. I think by doing this we can develop a way that I can feel safe at work. And it will also help them understand what is happening if, or when I have another flashback.

The good news is now that I have a name for this monster that has been living in the shadows and attacking me,\; I can hunt it down and kill it. It is really good to finally be going on the offensive.

I appreciate the imput, and I look forward to meeting all on the forum and both getting help and offering it.

 

[Seasounds]

As you have a sense of how to handle your situation, that is different than mine, I'm wondering if this next piece of info will be helpful or not.

I was counseled:
1. Don't disclose history at work: It can freak them out, and they aren't your counselor or friend. You don't know how they will use or judge your material. They dont have the training to be nonjudgemental. Boundaries are important.
2. Get diagnosed; get that provider to complete FMLA.
3. At work smply agree to make improvements.

Others may have more. Glad to reply with you.

 

[RussH]

Change, thank you for your reply. I am seeing a counsellor. My work situation is unique. I work with the american red cross blood services. We travel all over our territory to do blood drives. Because of the nature of our job we have long hours, sometimes almost six hours just travel time to and from the blood drive. It is really hard for us to have a social life outside of work, so we are all kind of a family. They all know something is going on with me. This flashback has been my worst ones, and I could not hide what is happening to me.

The team members know something is going on, but not the what. Fortunately, my boss is a RN and two of the three team supervisors are Nurses. My boss, and one of the Nurses knows what is going on; the others have an inkling. My boss is the right person for the job, for me, at this time. I went to her office the other day, and completely broke down, weeping uncontrolably. It was bad. The Supervisiors and I are going to have a meeting, (I trust them) to develop a plan so they can provide me support.

Because of this condition I have no real friends to garner support from, and these people genuinely care about me, and are telling me whatever they can do to help me they will. So I am going to disclose to just the supervisors what is happening, and what can be done to help me. The rest of the team will know I have PTSD, but not any of the details on why I have it.