Trauma therapy w/o outside supports

[Punky143]

I've been slowly working on past trauma over the last two years?. Yikes. Anyway, I can't help but wonder if it's normal to not have any outside supports? But I must admit something. I am ashamed and fearful to tell anyone what I'm feeling and definitely can't tell anyone what my dx's are. Despite mental health awareness increasing, there is still so much stigma. Once I tell someone who I really am, I can never take it back and I'm never viewed the same. I know that because years ago I tested the waters and lost a lot of "forever" friends.
After my therapy appointment today, I thought I felt fine but I had a few panic attacks and maybe some flashbacks but it makes me feel sick to my stomach And I don't know what's going on

 

[somerandomguy]

I'm not sure one can heal without some kind of outside support. This syndrome rips away relationships and isolates us. The good news is just by being here at this website, you're receiving outside support.

Who are you? You're not your trauma. It happened to you, and it changed you. But it's not who you are.

 

[Friday]

What do you mean by outside supports?

Basics - Job or Income, home, food, transportation, etc.
Relationships - Family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances
Relationships - ^^^ that know &/or are involved in your Dx & Tx
Professional relationships - Therapists, specialists, & doctors
Peer Support - (Dx & Tx focused) Here, support groups IRL, individuals

I’ve had times in my life with all of that, part of that, and none of it. I honestly can’t say which was easier, or better, they were just different. Upsides and downsides to every combo, rather than one subset being the gold standard.

It sounds like right now, you have most of it? But feel like there’s a missing piece?

 

[Punky143]

I have no one to relate to and as mentioned above, this has ripped me away from friends and isolated me. I have no friends because all I do is scare people away

 

[TruthSeeker]

I have no one to relate to and as mentioned above, this has ripped me away from friends and isolated me. I have no friends because all I do is scare people away

I scared my daughter away when I told her I was on the DID spectrum....she screamed "YOU'RE LIKE AUNT so and so (who put her daughter out in clubs on a pole and legitimized drugs to do it)-she doesn't contact me anymore cause she thinks I have DID and all DID people are bad, crazy, and mean. While I thought she'd always be there....she's not. And I can only believe that it is supposed to be this way.....as she too has PTSD-and other medical and addiction concerns. Honestly, she needs her space to get her head on straight. I miss her though...it can be lonely without family you thought would always be there....but I believe I can live a happy life, if things never get straight again with the two of us.

So, in my early mid 40s, I took up a new hobby-playing the recorder and learned to read music. I was 200lbs overweight at the time....and it was hard to "be part of any group that was active" so I learned to play and instrument (you sit), and through this process made many friends. Music folks are the most diverse thinking folks....very creative, and a good bunch to be around. I still play with a group of 8 women after 15 years together......and while what joins us is playing for the community, our potluck and play nights, and then our memories of going to plays and musicals together......it is that one group....that is responsible for my sanity. They came to my house once a month (and were the only people allowed in the house).....with the narcissist husband there....they were my link to sanity and they remained my friends after the divorce....and now.....we have a long term relationship.

A person I worked with retired, and we both retired in the same year, for the same reasons about the job....this bought us closer together....we worked together 13 years, and still see each other regularly. My best friend, I met 17 years ago, through work and music, and we have traveled together and helped each other out over the years and still play together. She is the only "other" person I have told my diagnosis to and I don't talk much about it. So, I've come to realize that people don't need to know my diagnosis....they only need to know I have anxieties and that I occasionally need to take a break. Since then, I joined a monthly photography club (and last month submitted to a contest). Joining an interest group, club, music group, choir, etc.....are opportunities to be creative, meet people, and learn-and they often create new opportunities to learn and do other things-because people tell you what concert, play, or event is coming up. You just gotta get out there and deal with the people.....that's really the only way to meet folks and make friends for the long haul....IMHO. So, leave your diagnosis to T, find something you'd like to learn to do or do with other people...go do it......leave T topics behind....and talk about your positive parts, your common interests. Good Luck!.

 

[joeylittle]

@Punky143 - The only outside support I have in my 3-D life, is my therapist and psychiatrist. It wasn't always that way, but it's been that way for at least the last couple of years. I've withdrawn away from communicating with people about any aspect of the things I'm struggling with. Some of it is avoidance, some of it is pragmatic - I'm not confident about my ability to talk about some of it but not all of it, and talking about all of it involves talking about suicidal ideation. I'm no longer willing to expose non-psych professionals to that struggle.

I do interact with people at work - it's just confined to work-related things. Sometimes they'll get into stuff that's about themselves, and I can participate in that, it's fine. I do think it provides some relief for me, even if it's just a distraction. Distractions aren't bad, esp. if you need them to get through the day.

 

[Friday]

I have no friends because all I do is scare people away

1. Do you know HOW you scare them away? Because knowing the how would let you choose what you want to keep, & give you a direction to start looking for others of like mind (like if you really want to talk Tx&Dx, heading to things like NAMI or PTSD support groups, group therapy, volunteering with various mental health advocacy groups, etc. where diagnosis & treatment aren’t just acceptable topics of conversation but expected and encouraged) ; and what you want to kick to the curb / start working on (one of the ways I scare people is by looking at them in a certain way, but if I pay attention to my affect? I can counter that)... Working both ends against the middle.

2. Can you parse how much of “All I do is scare people away” is straight truth, & how much is cognitive distortion? Because, yeah, if you’re not doing anything friends do? That’s simple math. If you aren’t a good friend TO others, others won’t want to be friends WITH you. Long term friends may hold out for awhile, until they reach their limit; but new people have no reason to get involved in the first place, much less stick around. And not doing anything but scaring people? Isn’t being any kind of friend, much less a good friend. So in addition to learning how to not scare people, learning how to be a good friend would also needed. But if the reality is more in the land of scaring people is simply outweighing your good qualities? Nix -or even lower- the scaring people, & friends abound. Either way, or both, is a clear path to making friends, again, if that’s something that’s valuable to you.