General Triggered By Dirt And Unpleasant Smells - How Did You Overcome This?

[Deleted member 28812]

Another thread... again. Today I don't have the ability to suck it up.
My "sufferer" is triggered by dirt and unpleasant smells like that of used diapers... and this weekend we quarreled about this. I tried to suck it up but later we quarreled again. He now entered a phase of thinking that not only dirty things are dirty but also things that touched dirty thinks are dirty and if another think touched that thing that touched a dirty thing it will become dirty.

Today I do not feel like cleaning at all because a) I am too tired and b) he won't be pleased anyway.

I am feeling sorry for him because all that "dirt" is wearing him down but in all honesty I don't know what to do. I don't want to spend whole my life cleaning.

 

[Nam]

Is this a direct trigger to a trauma event? It's a very broad trigger and most triggers are fairly specific.

One of my triggers is the smells associated with outhouses or portable toilets. But the smell has to accompanied with being outside and also in a confined space.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

His triggers are broad. He does not like crowds or people in his back or dirt. I think that the smell of toilets is a trigger for him too.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I can understand a vet not liking dirt... my vet says Iraq was the dirtiest, nastiest place he has ever been. When he was patrolling he said they'd often have to walk through raw sewage. Evidently it just flows out of the back of every house, because they aren't hooked up to sewers. A lot of the guys got dysentery from the conditions. He said you just don't understand filth until you've been to Iraq.

It may very well be a trigger related to his trauma, but it sounds like he is getting a little OCD with it. @Lemontree is he seeing a therapist? The dirt thing probably needs addressed in therapy if it is escalating, especially if it is effecting his family life.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Yes, he is seeing a therapist and he made some progress... but then... he has a high anxiety level and sometimes cannot snatch out of it and he believes dirt (germs) to be dangerous... and there are funny psychological effects. He believes disorder to be dirty. When things are laying around he believes those things must be dirty. I don't understand why he believes this.
It's not like he is doing this to annoy me, He suffers from that. It's not pleasant for him. He feels scared out of his wits by all that dirt.

 

[Neverthesame]

@Sweetpea76 Thank you. I couldn't get my head around the dirt thing. That makes sense now. Well, as much sense as a civilian can grasp.

We had a trick for when we would have to go into a building for a deceased person, after they had been decomposing. Needless to say after a week or so, the smell can be, unpleasant.

We would put on a dust type mask. The little cloth ones that cover your mouth and nose. On the inside of the mask we would apply a liberal amount of Vick's (petroleum jelly with eucalyptus) Worked fairly well for a week old DB call. Should be pretty effective for a smelly diaper.

Might be an idea for your sufferer?

 

[moonbeam]

I think Sweetpea might have hit the nail on the head on this one. If he was deployed somewhere that was massively dirty, and got his fellow squadmates around him sick.

It would be understandable to have a fear that dirt back home might get his family sick. Its frustrating for both of you. But I think you can sort of see how his brain may have made that leap. It becomes an issue when it disrupts his (and your) life.

I wish I could give you better advice but I don't think this is something that can be fixed now. Its going to take time and working with his T.

What I don't get is why are you the one doing all the cleaning? Just because you stay at home with the kids doesn't mean you have to do all the cleaning all the time. He needs to contribute as well. Especially if he is the one having such strong issues.

Also have you considered buying gloves? He can pull them out of a clean box and then use that to touch the allegedly dirty offences. Not a great solution but maybe baby steps? Idk. That's all I can think of.

 

[Nam]

I think sometimes we get a little too...adaptive to triggers. Especially ones that hinder the quality of life. And not only is his quality of life going down but so is yours. This is a big deal. He needs these addressed and you need to speak up about your needs too.

As a PTSD sufferer, I am very understanding of triggers in other sufferers but not necessarily for my own triggers. I think that I should overcome it, fix it, or ignore it. I have to do something...because I HATE myself if I fail to do something in the present because of something from my past. (It might be stubborn streak in me.) So I have a hard time understanding a person that hasn't made much progress with his handling of triggers yet expects others to handle it for him.

I don't want to say these things to put a wedge in there. What I would like to see is you being consistent and firm and at a place that you can handle. There has to be a compromise in there somewhere where both parties are not suffering (as much).

 

[Friday]

1) If it's a trigger? It's on me. Period. Other people are absolutely, 100%, not responsible for it.

2) If someone is being nice? (By taking care of a trigger for me). Take that as a gift. Not an insult or an expectation.

3) If someone is being nice? (By taking care of a trigger for me) They also cannot do it wrong.

((I didn't learn this one until after my son was 2yo and he was 'helping' me clean. Was it really help? No. Was he trying? :inlove::inlove::inlove: Yes. It took me a little while to learn to transfer this to adults. To get a big ole grin on my face, and sweep them into a hug, and say thanks. -Instead of you're doing that wrong- With adults, I'd also tell them what they were doing really wasn't helping, but that I loooooved the intent behind it. And focus in on that. With kids, I want to encourage the activity itself. They'll learn in time, so I tell them they're doing a great job, and mean it. With adults I like to encourage the wanting to help & being nice, not let them think the activity they're "doing wrong" ;) is helping. The activity may be wrong, but the intent is not. Someone trying to do something for me? You can't screw that up. It's die leibe. It's love.))

Am I perfect at any of this? Hell no. But it's baseline. If I'm blaming others, taking help as an insult or as if I'm somehow owed it, or worse pissed they're doing it wrong? I need to check myself. Hard. Because I am crossing the line.

Conversely... If someone is mad at me about the same? They can check themselves. That's on them. Not me.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

@Neverthesame and also @everybody else... to be honest I don't like the fact that some extreme things are mentioned here... like what you said about the deceased person.

Well. I know that such things exist on the world... but why on earth by so drastic and graphic and give another person an ugly image in their head, know what I mean?

 

[Sighs]

@Lemontree - Because you asked. Your sufferer may well be triggered by dirt or germs because of his exposure to

some extreme things

Remember that everything is relative. What seems

drastic and graphic

to you is just another day at the office to many people. Including your sufferer.