Triggered by others lack of empathy?

[WillyKat]

I noticed something about myself a couple of days ago, and noticed it again today. I get triggered when I see people react to events w/o showing any empathy or sympathy or understanding.

Case in point: people showing no feelings for Eric Garner from a police choke-hold. I become angry to the point of barely containing it. I can even get into arguments with people close to me. I see it discussed on the news and some ass is interviewed and seems to feel nothing.

I always thought of triggers as sights, sounds, smells, and situations. But for me, this is like being triggered by someone's viewpoints.

Grrr.

 

[Seasounds]

Really helpful insight! Absolutely, lack of empathy has been a trigger. My body goes into freezing, with rage, regarding the strangling/"choke hold", involving Eric Garner.

 

[Friday]

Is it disagreeing with you, the conflict, or not wearing their heart on their sleeve, that stresses you?

ETA... To example that out a bit:

- I disagree with your assessment of the Eric Garner incident.
- If we weren't to have a debate about it are you fine with us having different viewpoints / it's the confrontation & conflict that stresses you
- What's more stressful: someone who doesn't have sympathy or empathy for XYZ, or someone who doesn't show sympathy or empathy for XYZ.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Many have their walls up so that they feel nothing. I think the news reporters have become desensitized. Most days I would love to be like that. I'm so sensitive to things that I can't watch the news and even get triggered/stressed by certain subjects that come up in conversation.

 

[sun seeker]

I get like that too, and think it's about being so empathic myself that I feel cruelty to others as if it were happening to me. I used to really suffer in school when the teachers were berating the other kids, even if I had nothing to do with it. I used to intervene more often. Now I choose my battles more wisely. I figure, unless someone is actually getting hurt and needs defending, the people being so callous don't have it in them to act with more empathy so why try to squeeze water out of a stone?

 

[risingsun]

I get triggered when I see people react to events w/o showing any empathy or sympathy or understanding.

I get like that as well. I think because PTSD has made us so sensitized whereas the rest of the world is largely becoming desensitized. And I have endured such a lack of empathy regarding my own life circumstances that I become that much more enraged when I see people respond to others with no regard.

I try to see the world as a good place, a kind place, but it is becoming increasingly difficult. Most often, I find myself seeing it as a cruel place because of people's cruelty to me or that which I see on the television or out in the everyday world.

As a goal, I am trying to stay away from the news and see the goodness in even the smallest "kind acts" that I do observe so that I can feel calm in a world in which I feel so different. So, I am trying to focus on the good and the positive as much as possible. I think if we continue to be loving ourselves, all of us here can make the difference and keep the world from falling completely asleep. Good Post by the Way. Rising Sun.

 

[Justmehere]

I get triggered by all kinds of things in people. I get triggered by people who like to sew, because it reminds me about my aunt who did a lot of sewing. I have nothing against sewing and it's not about my position on that hobby. It reminds me of the past.

With something like how people respond to a death of someone, a trauma (no matter what the cause of the trauma is), it makes sense that the "bystander" reaction of not having at least a response of empathy would be triggering for some people. Many of us with PTSD wouldn't have gone through the as much trauma if someone had stood up and DID something. Emotion is often a part of what propels us to do something.

 

[GWhizz]

I get triggered by mental health professionals who believe they know best for me / better than me, about myself and my needs! Especially when most of them could not truly relate to my trauma and do not even attempt to put themselves in my shoes. Recently my mental health provider asked me why I want to be assessed/what I wanted out of seeing them, why I am putting myself through all of this? Er because I can't live with the symptoms ie. the nightmares/flashbacks/insomnia indefinitely! Then they go onto ask me how I think they could help me with this! Give me a break, seems like sometimes they want me to direct them to do their jobs too! And yet they tend to disagree with my opinion on everything!

 

[Recovery4Me]

I cried when I saw a few videos of the poor man and became immensely sad. I saw his son on the news and he offered a calm conveyance of gratitude for the voice of the people having empathy. As well sports players wore tee shirts with Mr. Garner's last words (that was empathy).

I do get triggered at times by hard line attitudes or at times by the appearance of lack of empathy, so I can understand @WillyKat. :hug:'s if you accept. Your empathy is what gives you that wonderful eye in photography.

However, I am trying to be more aware of my part of the dance on the board in future post. I have noticed that when I gasp inside that I may be falsely judging another. So I am trying to pull back and sit in my feeling and observe it. I am afraid sometimes, I was not as sensitive to those who in my moment appeared to lack empathy and that is something I want to change about myself.

I think, I have given some of my triggers too much power by my Pavlovian Reaction: I need to chill by opening dialogs while actively listening.

Cool thread!:)Thanks!

 

[City Slicker]

When I see or hear people responding to others' pain or trauma without empathy or understanding it can remind me of my own anger that people stood by and did nothing when I was younger and going through the abuse and trauma. Although life and circumstances are so totally different for me now, there is nothing like the lack of understanding and awareness in someone that can make we wanna slam them into a wall to get them to 'wake up'.

I am not saying I want people to agree with my position in fact I like a good debate. But if your mind is closed and you think what is happening to someone is funny or they brought it on themselves and you say this in a cold, dismissive, negating way...I need to leave the room.

I feel during those times when people are reacting to the trauma on the news I get a glimpse into what people were doing and thinking when the abused one was me and why people didn't step up or say something or reach out...

Betrayal is a big theme for me - and I also see these seemingly inhuman and cruel reactions in people as a betrayal of who we are as humans and it leaves me wondering what the heck I have in common with them.

 

[joeylittle]

I always thought of triggers as sights, sounds, smells, and situations. But for me, this is like being triggered by someone's viewpoints.

Are you triggered, as in dissociate or go into a flashback state or have intrusive memories? Or are you stressed, as in made irrationally upset by? Just curious.

I get incredibly, sometimes uncontrollably upset by a specific kind of behavior that is somewhere between lack of empathy, lying, and meanness. But I didn't know why for a very long time, and even now when it happens I don't dissociate or click into a memory. I'm just upset.

The reason I'm asking is that I think there are different ways to handle stressors - and I'm being kind of narrow in my definition of "trigger", but I think it does make a difference when we move on to talking about ways to address the problem.

 

[WillyKat]

@joeylittle, I get angry and it comes close to being irrationally upset. Lying and deception works for me too. The good news is that a subroutine fires off in my hard disk and I become aware that I'm getting too upset. Only a year ago, or maybe even a matter of months, I would get to the irrational state and stay there for days. Now, this morning (maybe 12 hours since the OP), I'm doing OK.

@FridayJones, I'm ok w/ someone not showing their empathy. It's when they start acting or speaking in ways that displays their lack of empathy that gets to me. And yes, I don't like conflict, but that doesn't always keep me away from conflict.

Some of you have spoken about your personal experiences with lack of empathy and how it factors into your own PTSD. That's my story too, where several people including family and teachers, saw something was wrong and stood by. Something else too that @City Slicker mentions: the anger that I still struggle with at times is I think rooted in my own powerlessness and feeling like I had been abandoned to the pervert across the road. The anger is a little kid's raw anger, without all the layers of understanding and forgiveness I've piled on as a well-educated adult.

Thanks for all the responses. It's good to not feel alone. Just one more trigger I need to surf over. (Surfing is my trigger-handling metaphor du jour; I imagine all the triggers in the world as various waves and rocks beneath the surface that I must surf over or around. I think snowboarding or skiing would work just as well.)