I decided recently my daughter needs therapy. I got triggered because getting into therapy was a catalyst for my revealing abuse and the breakup with my father, stepmother, step-siblings, and pretty much the death of the relationship with my mother.
So today was a hard day. Yesterday too. In fact, it's been hard on and off for a little while. Scary feelings, screaming sobs, worry that won't quit, and a very dark, draining, stress response. That feeling that death might be better, that happy somehow isn't in the cards for me, for us even though I don't get why, and probably under all, the worst, that I would lose my family (again), lose my daughter.
I couldn't shake it. I did some DBT and tried to wait it out, manage, reassure myself, but wasn't up to it. So I had a therapy session. That helped some. I just am so tired, thought I'd post somewhere people could understand.
I have the screening appointment with the best candidate next Thursday, she sounds like she might be just right and then maybe I wouldn't need to worry so much, I just have to get there and... have a bit of faith things will be different, better afterward and that it's ok.
I am just looking for some gentle company while I try and get over the stress. Flashbacks got me a little, ok, a lot.
So today was a hard day. Yesterday too. In fact, it's been hard on and off for a little while. Scary feelings, screaming sobs, worry that won't quit, and a very dark, draining, stress response. That feeling that death might be better, that happy somehow isn't in the cards for me, for us even though I don't get why, and probably under all, the worst, that I would lose my family (again), lose my daughter.
I couldn't shake it. I did some DBT and tried to wait it out, manage, reassure myself, but wasn't up to it. So I had a therapy session. That helped some. I just am so tired, thought I'd post somewhere people could understand.
I have the screening appointment with the best candidate next Thursday, she sounds like she might be just right and then maybe I wouldn't need to worry so much, I just have to get there and... have a bit of faith things will be different, better afterward and that it's ok.
I am just looking for some gentle company while I try and get over the stress. Flashbacks got me a little, ok, a lot.
