Triggers with health of dad

[SinkorSwim]

I'm in between T's right now. I called my old one last week to end it and I have a new appointment with my new Trauma therapist this coming Tuesday. I was triggered today by my dad's health. He found out his Luekemia is in remission for a third time. It's good I'm supposed to be happy right? Except Im extremely triggered by the thoughts of him going through it again. I don't see my new T until Tuesday but I don't know if I can just open up about this right away with her. Like I need to gain her trust before I go into detail about things but that's what she's there for. I suppose I could always right things down and hand it to her.

 

[SinkorSwim]

I'm in between T's right now. I called my old one last week to end it and I have a new appointment wit...

Please move to anxiety forum thanks!

 

[Friday]

Any chance you're the type to hold it together during a crisis & completely fall apart as soon as the crisis is over?

If so? Knowing that about yourself (or just feeling the incipient meltdown start to ramp up) would naturally be cause for alarm.

But on the upside? Also good warning. A chance to get out in front of everything going sideways, before it goes sideways.

***

Conversely, there's a thing with soldiers/military & DV folk (possibly a few others)... The waiting. OMFG. It's the worst. Because no matter how bad the reality is? It's only 1 reality. With actions to take, and survival to focus on, and <very busy right now> stuff. 1 reality. It's not 50 different possibilities all spinning out with :wtf: It (can) totally rob the moment of any kind of joy, or productivity, because it's waiting for the other shoe to drop. The longer the wait? The more keyed up, because instead of a vaguely sometime in the future? Now? How about now? Now? Are we there, yet? The f*ck. Can we just f*cking get this over with already??? :mad: :eek: :mad:

:facepalm:

***

There are probably other things, but those 2? Hit me hard. And are really difficult to work through. And are also really common. Meaning that I don't know that one necessarilly needs trust to brainstorm / bounce ideas off of / etc. how to deal with 2 very generic vague happenings, you know? All the personal stuff might (probably does) matter, but the practical solutions to them? Can be dealt with without needing to know anything except what "type" of response this is, ya know? Whether it's crisis over = fall apart -or- waiting for the other shoe to drop -or- something else? Those are situations that immediate assistance can be gotten for. :sneaky: Also helps build trust. Not in the blind faith fashion, but by learning, first hand... How helpful are they in this specific situation. At least, IME, it's easier for me to get to know a therapist when I do have a big thing going on... Just so I can see how they operate.

 

[holdenmonty]

I totally relate with Friday but also I was thinking that with you saying that it's in remission for the third time you aren't sure if you can completely believe that it is in remission or not since it has came back in the past, and you truly want to be happy but there is still a part of you that isn't quite sure and thinking that it probably will come back since it has come back before.

I have also heard that some cancer patients can end up getting a form of PTSD especially if it has come back a couple times. You feel like you can't truly enjoy life again because you are always nervous and afraid and scared that it can/will come back. I know I probably haven't given you any comfort in this post but I can see where you are coming from and to me it is "normal" for you to have that kind of feeling.

I would say try your best to bring it up if you can at your first appointment. With me going to my therapist now I feel like trying to bring up some stuff that isn't right within our target goal for our therapy session for that week can be tough but necessary.

 

[SinkorSwim]

Thanks it makes total sense now. I do agree it's a very what will go wrong next kind of thing with me. Thanks for sorting my thoughts out for me :) I will bring it up to my T.