goingonhope
VIP Member
Just found this.....didn't realize you had posted here. Yes, hear you! Kerrie-Ann, you are his wife and not one of his soldiers. I know exactly what you mean. I too, like the idea of being able to cry at home with my husband. Though in my case, I must accept that this generally agitates him, and he seems to get afraid and may even feel inadequate. Why? I don't have any idea, and yet occassionally he surprises me. Just don't get it! If only he understood just how absolutely simple it is to show me support, even calm my tears or allow them to pass. You understand, when and if my husband takes the initiative and wraps his arms around me, sits beside me, looks at me, and really listens, he doesn't have to say or do anything else, I just melt. Feel all warm all over, feel his love. Everything makes sense and the tears come out, some words spoken about how I'm feeling and...Zip!....it all passes very quickly. It only lingers on and on when the communication is: 'I can't be bothered,' 'I'm not listening, nor care to deal with your feelings right now,' 'I'm too busy for you,' 'get over it,' 'get on with it' and 'can't you see you're seriously cramping my style.' These things f'n hurt. And, they hurt the average person very deeply. Someone like me, with PTSD and largely due to some chronic, serious f'n indifference. This sh*t feels, like torment. I won't go into why, because I'm liable to write several more paragraphs. Just trust me it has too much power over me at this stage. And why all of this, when it's so damn easy. Messages of indifference can be really, really hard to take. It hurts. Whether it's us to our husbands, our husband toward us or even us communicating this to our kids. Everyone hurts! And since none of us are perfect, nor never will be, all we'all can do is seek and look for improvement within ourselves....and then usually in most marriages, we grow, sometimes slowly...but none-the-less closer over time. And, I find my biggest influence and strength is when I'm willing to accept everything, (naturally within reason), just the way it is and work from the inside out.
....And, though I'm Again a newcomer to the acceptance of my PTSD, I had been working in the direction of it's healing, for about 2 yrs., prior to 1997, as well as, surrounded with simple principles of recovery, eversince, and always doing my best to apply them. What I've found though is that for nearly the last decade, I've been 'hacking away at the branches, and denying and missing it's roots.' ....this last parag. is off the subject, just found it spilling out....so I'll go with it.
