Trusting My Little Voice

[Cavegirl]

I have PTSD from childhood sexual abuse and multiple sexual assaults as an adult. I do NOT trust my little voice.

I've been talking to a guy since May and today he said he was in another state (he travels) due to mechanical issues. I don't want to get into it because of personal identification etc... It is very hot where he is and he called me !outside! from the balcony of a hotel room. And said how he was going to go to bed "in a bit" (it was only 6 pm) because of how it might be hard for him to sleep in a weird place etc. I just got this feeling in my gut... That he wasn't alone. We aren't exclusive. Haven't even kissed on the mouth yet. But... I just in my gut felt like he was seeing someone else.

I sent him a big long text about it. Said it's his right to see whoever he wants as we haven't had that talk etc, but I expect truth etc... He didn't text me back.

I don't know if he IS with someone else, or if he didn't approve of my crazy rant. I HATE that I can't trust myself. Now I'm wondering if I overreacted.

This sucks. I hate PTSD. I hate that I learned as a little kid to not trust my gut.

I just want to be normal.

 

[GWhizz]

I think you did great to voice your concerns. No point continuing in the pretense that you're okay with whatever. You deserve honesty at least, that's not too much to expect when you're beginning to invest yourself in someone.

 

[EveHarrington]

Maybe a text isn't the best format for such a serious topic.

If he was telling the truth and is asleep, then you may drive yourself crazy reading into why he didn't reply.

I think texting should be casual; serious topics should be in an actual conversation. (God, now I sound 80.)

 

[Friday]

Not being able to trust my own judgement is hands down what I hate most about all of this.

The little voice inside my mind comes up with such stellar ideas as... Misdemeanor, misdemeanor, felony, aggravated felony, bad idea, really bad idea, purr, outstandingly bad idea...wait... Maybe that's a good idea? No. No. Bad idea. Do. It.

Cheers, brain. & Thaaaaaanks :shifty:

On the upside, ignoring my better ideas -cough- has become something of an unintentional skillset.

When I ask mates what their gut says? I'm honestly interested in the answer. Because sometimes? Go with you gut. Other times? Dude. "Ignore the birds! Follow the river!"

 

[Thizette]

I have PTSD from childhood sexual abuse and multiple sexual assaults as an adult. I do NOT trust my li...

Either he was with someone else, in which case a relationship with him might not be a good idea OR you are so convinced he was with someone else that a relationship with him might not be a good idea. Either he's untrustworthy, or you won't allow yourself to trust him. Either way, that relationship isn't going to go anywhere.

Be gentle with yourself. Keep working on yourself and over time you'll learn to trust yourself and others again. It takes a long, long time, but it's possible.

 

[Cavegirl]

I talked to him about it fri morning. He said parts of my message sort of hurt his feelings, but he didn't get defensive. He didn't accuse me of being crazy. Listened to me and even walked through his entire evening. But then I tried to call him later to say good night and he didn't answer. I sort of lost my shit via text today when I still hadn't heard from him. He called me right back and he was so calm. He said he knows I've been hurt before and apologized for not calling me like he normally does. I was shocked. So many people aren't patient with my sometimes "rants" he told me that honestly he didn't call me last night because he didn't feel like talking to me, he's not tired of me, just wasn't up for talking. Harsh, but honest. I said that was ok. If he doesn't want to talk to me he can just say so. I KNOW about wanting to be left alone. I asked him again if he's married or has a gf etc. he patiently went through it all again.

Either he is a fantastic liar, like I didn't sniff out ANY deceit in his voice, or is the most patient understanding man I've ever met. (He has military PTSD btw) he told me he's been alone for so long (several years) and in a job that is pretty isolating, he said he wasn't prepared to meet someone like me and is sort of afraid.

He really doesn't strike me as a player. He's been very open with me. Shared so much with me. I just... I've never, NEVER had someone be so patient and gentle with me. I'm honestly... I don't know what to do with it.

 

[Cavegirl]

Not being able to trust my own judgement is hands down what I hate most about all of this.

The lit...

I LOVVVVVE Willow. One of my favorites. I keep coming back to watch this clip lol. It really relates to me right now. ;)