Lucy, sorry about the abbreviation, yes Attention Deficit Disorder is what I mean. I was first diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder about 20 yrs ago, After completing High School. I guess a more thorough history of myself would be called for.
I was sexually abused when I was five years of age, I did not let anyone know about this until I was diagnoses with the Depression and Anxiety. Through out my school years I was a very aggressive child I was constantly fighting. I was also sexually active at a very young age which was a huge conflict with my religious up bringing. I struggled through out school with my grades etc. When I graduated and was looking to enter Collage I was encouraged by my mother to get tested for (ADHD) Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, Subsequently I was diagnosed with (ADD) Attention Deficit Disorder, I did not have the Hyperactivity element. Because of the year that this happened and all of the negative association with this during the time I refused to believe the diagnosis and medication etc, surrounding this. I went through collage in Criminal Justice and actually did quite well for the first 2 semesters with a Grade point average of 3.7 - 3.9. After the 2nd semester in Collage I applied for the Police Academy and was accepted, graduated at the top of my class and soon started a career in Law Enforcement. This is when things started to go bad for me.
I spent 10 years in Law enforcement, or should I say I survived ten years in law enforcement. In 2005 things started going down hill fast, I was falsely accused of having pornography on my office lap top, after turning in the Mayor and Justice court judge of the town I worked for for corruption. (Case finally went to court February of this year and the Judge plead guilty for a lesser sentence). However the damage was done and I was going through some serious mental health issues. During this time I was also involved in a serious auto accident while on the job, While responding to a call I was struck by another vehicle, I woke up in the life flight helicopter and was told I had been unconscious for about 45 minutes. I was flown to a remote little hospital and after spending 6 hours in the hospital I was released, being diagnosed with a "slight" concussion.
Skip ahead to 2005 while going through all the litigations of the corruption case, I was fired from my job, and forced to relocate my family etc, etc. during this time I was called to testify against the Judge, 2 days before the scheduled date of the hearing I started not sleeping at all, I started to become really paranoid and was in a real panic as I traveled to testify, I somehow managed to testify, but when I returned home from testifying I became really paranoid and stopped sleeping altogether, this lasted about 6 days, then I started to have suicidal thoughts and stopped going to work, my wife became very concerned and checked me into the psych ward of the local hospital, where I stayed for seven days. This is where I was diagnosed with Severe Recurring Depression, and anxiety. I have been in and out of therapy since July of 2005. I have had just about 6 different jobs since then, I cannot seem to hold down a job, I get really anxious about simple little things, I get night sweats, have bad dreams about incidents that happened while on the job, etc. I have stopped doing the things that I love like camping, hiking, etc. I am becoming more and more reclusive, just recently my younger sister cornered me and asked what was wrong, me being me just smiled and said, "what do you mean, everything is fine," she called BS and said you don't smile anymore, you never joke around or goof off like you use to, 'You are not you". Something is wrong.
So that is me in a nut shell! Sorry cant go on any more than this right now
