You have to be able to appreciate the small stuff because there are a lot of positives in the small stuff that when you say them out loud seem insignificant, but when you feel them... you know that they are what makes life worth living. Emotionally, there is a lot of satisfaction in a crisp, spring morning... for me. The flowers. My cat rubbing his head on my chin. I feel happy in those moments, and that feeling is awesome; despite the fact that it isn't from some triumph. I revel in it when I feel it so I can remind myself of that feeling when I am feeling like shit.
I would think that to stay in your job, if it is one that you really love sometimes, is to revel in the parts you love and to remind yourself of those while you're doing the parts of the job which you find undesirable. It's not all bad, you admit that, and it's so good... when it's good, that you want to keep that job. You really have to hold onto those good feelings about the job in order to overcome the negative feelings. If the negatives are due to PTSD fears, then they will subside as time goes on without further negative incidents. You have to face your fears in order to overcome PTSD triggers. You have to prove to yourself that X+Y doesn't always equal disaster.
When I am triggered, I am reminded of the circumstances of a trauma and I'm transported back to that mindset... those fears, and the way I interpret people's intentions. I have had to set that aside long enough to be able to see safety and positive intentions from people, so I can interpret the situation in a healthy, more realistic way. Traumas are out of the ordinary, or extreme cases of typical accidents. They don't usually happen. Usually, people are safe. Usually, people don't die on the job; although their lives may be at risk daily in a particular job. So, you have to be open to the fact that other people who didn't witness a trauma like that and are therefore, pretty confident that the events of the day won't be life altering in a negative way... are actually correct in their assumption.
I think a lot of times I've read on here that people are upset because we know what other people don't know because we've witnessed it... and we're frustrated that others don't get it. But, what we witnessed or were exposed to wasn't typical and isn't something to base a perspective on. Keep your perspective real. In order to do that, you first have to start with appreciating the small stuff, the joys of your job and reminding yourself of those while you're being triggered in other parts of your job.
Does that make sense? It's really just me putting what works for me into your circumstance, since I don't work outside of the home. I hope you find something useful in that philosophy and I wish you luck in putting it into practice. Sometimes, it's easier to understand the concept than it is to actually follow through on it.
The thing is, if you want to do something, you can do it. PTSD is just a set of thoughts, and once you understand the difference between those thoughts and realistic assessments of present day situations then you will be able to set the PTSD thoughts aside and move forward in life. It takes time to sort them out. Be kind to yourself while you work through it... and don't be discouraged when you find yourself back at square one after you thought you had it all figured out. It happens. It's not something you did wrong. You just have to figure out the puzzle again. You'll become more confident with it as you accept this new challenge in your life.
Fighting it, and being angry that you have to deal with PTSD is a valid response. But, getting stuck in that anger and resistance will cost you as you will miss out on more opportunities and push away more people who care about you. Acceptance is key; though it is difficult to obtain.
You can do it! Welcome to the forum. :)
