Relationship Trying To Understand Ptsd For My Girlfriend

[Just1]

Hey, my girlfriend has been diagnosed with PTSD, this was caused by a physically and mentally abusive 2 year relationship she had. She was diagnosed before we had this relationship. She told me very early on about it, but I didn't understand what it was like. We've been together for 3 months. Recently I had an argument with her about how I acted, due to a situation which occurred. I bumped into a colleague of hers from work, who assumed I was a person she was seeing on a first date when i met her the previous day with my girlfriend and others in her workplace. This colleague didn't realize I was the boyfriend of hers and thought I was someone who was one first date she was seeing whilst in a relationship with me. I was extremely paranoid about it and handled the situation badly by not being communicative about it and being distant and not nice which I didn't intend. The reason why I was quiet and upset was because I didn't want to be paranoid and remind of her of the abusive relationship she had, which had that kind of attitude that was founded upon in her previous abusive relationship. I am very bad at hiding my emotions and know now that this was the wrong move to make. This backfired and made her feel very awful and upset her deeply and affected our relationship a lot. This was because of my ignorance about PTSD and my lack of understanding generally about relationships. This is why I'm posting this so that next time if there is a case where I'm upset about something I can handle the situation much better and not cause issues for us a couple with her PTSD and as a couple generally too. I am hoping that some advice about this can help so that I can mature and be better as a boyfriend to her because I love her more than anything.

Thank you

 

[Sweetpea76]

I'm a bit confused. Did her coworker think you were a different man your girlfriend was dating?

 

[Just1]

@Sweetpea76 Yes the co worker thought I was some guy she was seeing whilst she was in a relationship with me

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you in an open relationship? I'm not quite clear about your situation.

 

[Just1]

@EveHarrington Sorry I didn't explain it very well. The relationship isn't open its an intimate one. Her co worker just assumed I was some other guy she was seeing whilst in the relationship myself and her are having since she hasn't met me. I was confused and paranoid as to why she thought first I was some guy she was seeing and not the boyfriend. There isn't actually another guy she's seeing as far as I am aware, but the fact she assumed I was some affair she was having an not the actual boyfriend confused me a lot and really upset me and made paranoid. It made me think why she would of thought that and what my girlfriend has said or done for her to come to that opinion first

 

[EveHarrington]

I agree, it is a bit odd for someone to assume you are the other guy if there is no "other guy".

 

[Sweetpea76]

Firstly, it was logical for you to question that situation. You are allowed your emotions too, even if you are the "healthy" one. You can't blame yourself for her reactions to your normal emotions.

 

[mary1979]

I'd have been like wtf? As well.
What a bizarre assumption for her colleague to make.

One piece of advice id offer to you, and all supporters really, you're allowed to have feelings too,and your coping mechanisms help keep you safe.
You don't have to be mentally ill to have emotions and I see so many supporters put their own needs last.

As long as you are not yelling at her or laying a hand on her she has to accept that you also have your own ways of dealing with things.