T's Small Group-- Am I Just Being Paranoid? Long Post

[LawPhotos]

...I'm jealous I can't have my denial back.

That seems to be all too common with those if us who are still in denial. I remember it well...'I had a happy childhood'...ugh. Wish I didn't lose decades because I forced myself to keep up that mantra.

I've never heard anyone else say that--except me! My T, my psych., and a friend w/childhood trauma all say they don't really understand that. I would do anything to have my denial back. I'm sorry but everything really DID feel better. Frankly I'm ending up crazy either way, so why not be unaware of how and why?!

 

[Srain]

(((((((((((LawPhotos)))))))))))))

I just wanted to add that I can appreciate your feelings in the group and if you feel like this is not working for you then copying and pasting what you posted here and emailing it with a "No, not for me, thank you. Won't be returning to that group, maybe later or a different group." I think that is your right. I know there are some people that have benefited from those groups and some that have not.

Always, you are in charge of your therapy. It is part of your clinician's job to push to help you o recover and grow, however, with your permission. The decision is always yours. Thoughtful info here. Bloom, very helpful, thank you.

Peace,
Rain

 

[BloomInWinter]

My T does know that I actually can't make myself say when anything is 'too much' for me

OMG that was so true for me for so long! It's only in the last few months I've been able to speak up at all on my own behalf.

I did get some movement forward when I started saying 'It's very hard for me to...' instead of 'I can't'... but ugh...yeah, the 'willing to be willing' is sometimes the only step forward I can make. Still.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I do feel like I dominate everyone, not in the sense of talking etc since I only speak if the T directly asks me too. I speak the least of anyone. I feel like I dominate on the horror/pity scale. It feels like there is this huge ugly creature in the middle of the room that I bring in there with me on a leash that we all talk around and pretend isn't shocking or negative.

I am sure that I exaggerate my effect on people all the time. It would help me believe that's what I am doing in this case if, after group, I didn't get all of those, "I'm so sorry about your son", "I don't know how you do it" etc. It sucks to be pitied.

Wow, you put into words what I was never able to. My little girl, who would have been 29 this November, was born severely disabled, with MANY problems. It was obvious immediately, as she didn't maintain eye contact for long. She was as limp as a rag doll, and I thought she was ugly, and that made me feel SO very ugly! She really wasn't ugly, but at that time, the only thought in me was hatred, and everyone and everything was ugly! I, saw, and felt also, like when people saw us, they immediately pitied me. Lots of staring and stupid comments, like : "Oh, the poor thing!", and "God only gives special children to special parents!" I was one of those people who never knew what to say to a handicapped person, or their caretaker, so I couldn't blame them for 'putting their feet in their mouth'. I did myself a few times...

Well, she wasn't a THING, and nobody asked me if I wanted to be special!! She was very ill most of the time, till @ 18 months, I institutionalized her. I was spent, broken, and dying inside, and somehow had to find the courage and strength to take care of her brother and I. I was always 'in charge' of her care, right down to having her hair permed every couple of months, but emtionally and physically I did not have it in me to care for her myself.:cry:
She was a '2-person lift' and had a G-Tube, never spoke, and was @ approximately 8-18 months mentally. She was my happy Angel! No matter what, she had that grin! Our story is in my Trauma Diary.

I say to you, NOT with pity, but absolute admiration and respect that you are awesome! You gave up your career, and 'life', to care for your son!! I was not strong enough, but I DO know what it takes, and you are courageous. I know it feels like sh*t, and seems overwhelming at time, but I encourage you to go to groups, give them a time or two, then decide if you are comfortable their. In the groups I've been in, like a depression support group, we are all struggling to cope day to day, and have completely different 'causes' for being there. I think T's try to offer what is available, and trying a new group now and then can be good for us. I felt stagnant in my last group, and am going to try an art therapy group called ZenTangle.

BTW, in our groups, there is always there is always the option to 'pass' for the day.

Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble on so...
Hang in there, and grab what knowledge you can, from anywhere, or anyone.

Be blessed with strength & courage & wisdom!

 

[anthony]

Group therapy is just that... group therapy. You aren't all going to be equal. Some will be far worse than others. For some, their worst fear may be going to the bank because they got mugged. Then someone else, they fear everything, everyone, because they endured a life of abuse to date. Its about learning to control yourself, learning to appreciate that others have valid fears, whether worse or less than your own, you don't think for others, you learn to think more broadly, be open to listening, be open to sharing... group therapy is not a dick measuring competition... (metaphor)

That's what you have to learn. Don't think for others, don't question or shoot down others beliefs or perceived realities, just share what you feel and face your fears. The idea of group therapy is that you all help one another, by also helping yourselves. You may be the worst one in the group, so suddenly when you share, you help a lot of others remove their fears. As a result, knowingly or not, one of your greatest fears could simply be about being heard, listened too, to receive empathy, because all you have endured is abuse. Those less traumatised may provide you this, thus breaking down many self fear barriers.

Group therapy is typically a win win situation for all, when done correctly, regardless the group you have.

Its like AA... some may have done drugs, partied, cheated, committed crimes... another, the worst thing may have been they lied to their partner saying they're working weekends, when instead out drinking. Again, not a dick measuring competition... take it for the core of the issue... which you will find at the emotional level when it comes to fear.