Relationship Two Different People

[Deleted member 33287]

So I started seeing therapy last Thursday. And for my next session I screenshot texts to explain why I am struggling to move on.

What I realized reading the texts is that she's two different people. The person pre February 6 was the best friend I could ever ask for. The person after February 6 is not the same person.

I love and care about pre February 6 friend and miss her so much. I guess I'm holding out hope that she comes back. But it seems that she is never coming back to her old self

 

[Sweetpea76]

Do you know what a honeymoon phase is?

That's the term used to describe the beginning of relationships... Where everything is awesome and people are still on their best behaviors. It's all sunshine and rainbows.

Then people get comfortable and let the reality show. Reality is never as good as the honeymoon phase. Reality sucks. For everybody, it's all bad habits, weird quirks, and personality flaws. However, in the case of somebody with PTSD, you can add in them being openly symptomatic in front of you. A lot of sufferers can't do that until they get comfortable with somebody. That is reality.

Everybody wants that rush of the honeymoon phase back. It's never going to happen. That's because the honeymoon phase isn't real.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Glad you worry that helps to hear that. Sucks that never getting back to honeymoon phase.

But I can't get invested in false hope if she doesn't want to make it 50-50

 

[joeylittle]

It's not so much that she was a different person; it's more that you only knew part of her, and that was the part that was probably all about you and the relationship. Then, she opened the door to more of who she is, and that changed things for both of you.

But she was the person she is, that whole time. You just didn't know the whole story. And after revealing more of herself, neither she nor you could move forward together.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

It's not so much that she was a different person; it's more that you only knew part of her, and that...

You said something that hit the nail on the head and the answer I've been searching for is why can't we move forward together

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I guess I'm holding out hope that she comes back.

Yes you are. You are setting yourself up for failure here as she may never come back and you need to be ok with that.

As the others stated, shes not two different people. She is fake her and real her and real her probably she feels didnt measure up, or at least I would, and leave before he could leave me. I dont want to hurt him more by seeing and dealing with real me so get out now. Just things id think and feel.

Now that she is gone, you must grieve for the loss of the relationship, and be ok that she may not come back, and be able to move on with your life. If she does come back then you'll be a lot healthier mentally but if she doesnt then you will be ok. By holding out this hope, you keep one foot firmly pressed down in the past and you cant truely move on with your life. Does that make sense?

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Yes you are. You are setting yourself up for failure here as she may never come back and you...

Really appreciate what you said.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

I don't have PTSD and will never understand but if you love someone whether as a partner or friend you accept them for them.

What kills me is she told me during fake her stage is about don't give up when things get tough

 

[lostforgottensoul]

She would have to tell you during fake her stage. Testing the water if you will.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Forget "fake" or "real"... Actions walk and bullshit talks.

She treated you bad, doesn't want contact, and moved on with another man. No illness, disorder, or mental state makes that OK. Nothing she says or has said will change what she did.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

No illness, disorder, or mental state makes that OK.

No, suppose it doesnt make it ok. Ive done it and it was due to abandon them before they can abandon me. Not saying it was ok at all.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Forget "fake" or "real"... Actions walk and bullshit talks.

She treated you bad, doesn't want cont...

not blaming anything on PTSD besides asking if it's common to see two different people.

Just feels weird that you would say I have your back, I trust you and talk about sticking it out when times are tough. Than you tell me you were raped and have PTSD and all of that is out the window. I just don't understand how everything you stood for changes . She once texted me after she told me she thought I wanted her to die