Relationship Two Different People

[Deleted member 33287]

No, suppose it doesnt make it ok. Ive done it and it was due to abandon them before they can...

It literally went from I got your back .... I thought you wanted me to die. Those are literally the most opposite things in the world

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It literally went from I got your back .... I thought you wanted me to die.

Well, ok, if I say I have your back then I do no matter what BUT "I thought you wanted me to die" sounds very symptomatic and when symptomatic, thinking is out the window, everything I do is over the top, and I want to be alone so I dont hurt people around me.

ETA: I must say as a sort of disclaimer, Im not saying anything was right, just what Ive done and what I do to help @Statsattack to understand as much as possible without her anyway.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Well, ok, if I say I have your back then I do no matter what BUT "I thought you wanted me to...

Everyone's opinions and stories are much appreciated especially by me.

It is hard to sit still and see someone very sick and absoloutley nothing can be done to help her ( which is 100% on her). What I am going to bring up in therapy is how the hell do you tell me about sticking it out when tough/having eachothers back and when times are the toughest you don't trust me having your back

 

[lostforgottensoul]

What I am going to bring up in therapy is how the hell do you tell me about sticking it out when tough/having eachothers back and when times are the toughest you don't trust me having your back

What I think you should bring into therapy, and this is just my opinion, you can totally tell me to shut up and go away, is the void from your mom that she filled that is now a gapping hurting void again as therapy should be about you and how to heal you, not her and why she left. The only one that can truely answer why is her. Everyone can speculate and give you our opinions and experiences but she is the only one that can truely answer it.

How can you make yourself ok without her? If she never returns, how are you completely at peace and ok with it? Thats what i think your therapy should be about; you.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

I literally am going to my second session this week. I will let the therapist lead the direction of the session. But I will show her the texts I saved and explain why I am confused and in shock.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Showing the text and also explaining where you are is a wonderful start.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Showing the text and also explaining where you are is a wonderful start.

Thanks. I am excited to learn about bouandries so it will have a positive impact on my relationships with whomever they may be with in the future.

 

[Cult]

Your situation sounds very similar to one that I was in back in 2013. I was with someone for 10 years, she became a different person too, and ultimately left the relationship. There were a lot of factors involved, PTSD was one, but PTSD did not destroy the relationship.

We can't make someone want to be with us. My ex didn't want to be with me anymore, plain and simple, and her PTSD gave her a convenient excuse to distance herself and facilitate her exit. Not to minimize that the PTSD was very real, just acknowledging that if she had wanted to remain with me the PTSD could have been managed in the relationship.

I am with someone new (married) and happy with my spouse although we are having blended family issues. It all worked out for me and it will for you as well.

Sorry for your pain, I have been there.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Went over it briefly in therapy yesterday but my therapist said it has to do with her feeling vulnerable not PTSD because she always had PTSD as long as she knew me.

I'm understanding her not wanting me in her life. It's just the way it ended and the speed of it ending has put me in shock

 

[lostforgottensoul]

my therapist said it has to do with her feeling vulnerable not PTSD because she always had PTSD as long as she knew me.

I completely agree with that.

She wasnt two different people. Theres non-symptomatic and symptotic that can look like a different person.

Also, ive likely had PTSD during and right after trauma but didnt become symptomatic for 10 yrs after and to those that knew me before like family feel i became another person when i didnt.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

I completely agree with that.

She wasnt two different people. Theres non-symptomatic and sy...

I'll talk to you more about this privately but what has thrown me off so much in the shifts of vulnerability

 

[joeylittle]

@Statsattack - there's a pretty useful concept in mental health: you can only control and affect your own response, not other people's.

You can wonder 'why' til you're blue in the face. She's never going to have done anything other than what she did. There's never going to be an explanation that actually helps you.

What you can focus on is changing your own reaction/response to her behavior.

Rationalizing her actions, or seeking to understand them, or trying to crawl inside her head - all you keep coming up against is a brick wall. You don't understand, it's not the way you think you would have reacted, and it's wrong of her to have done what she did.

So why are you still trying? You've got your answer. She ran. She left. She's dating someone.

The why of it doesn't matter. Maybe you will understand someday, when someone suddenly appears to care more about you than you do about them.

But for right now, you would be much better served by taking steps to understand how you can work on your reactions - not still struggling to understand why or how she made the choices she did.