Other Typical horrible day joining the others

[LemoNadka]

How All,

Yesterday was suppose to be like a normal day. But many little things came to make it a horrible day.

I was expecting a package from the post, I usually wait to know when so I would go downstairs to throw the trash out, but turns out they sent différents gaps of time they would deliver which was confusing. So I went anyway downstairs throw the bin. On my way back up, I've got some neighbours that were going out of their flats. These people aren't really polite or tolerate me since I've moved in even though I did nothing for it. Now as they not even said hi or anything, I don't say anything anymore. But just when I pass there, I can't help it but feel some high heart rate and weird feeling. Like I'm on guard for something and there was nothing.

Then it was very long until the package was delivered and when it was the postman was too lazy to bring it to me even though I paid the delivery on the floor. I was at my door step and I've heard this women saying it's not for them, so I got my shoes and I wa saying there to pick it up and she was coming up to me. So now other situation that has bothered me my entire life, is.. I'm Swiss, living in Switzerland, and I was adopted at birth from Sri-Lanka, so I'm brown colour skin, and I've got a Swiss last name. So it happens a lot when people don't know me, they don't assume it could be me ! Because they think I must have some other name.. when I've seen this lady yesterday I've never seen her before, she was blonde ( or fake ) but she looked at me and said " Oh it's you ?" Like in a very typical way, and I've said " Yeah it is " but I've got anger inside me, and she started to say some things about the postman but I've seen she felt stupid that I've seen what she really meant. And usually when people are doing that, it could be when it happend to me in waiting rooms and they would look at the white people addressing my name ! And when I say it's me, they are very suddenly feeling dumb and they try to save the walls... it was the same thing.

I struggle with anxiety in everyday and nights of my life. And when anger come too strong, or when it has built up, I can explode into rage. And I hate myself for it. It hurts me, because I'm thinking people will think you're hysterical, people will think you've got no self control or education. And sometimes people also think everything is perfect in where I live. But it's not. It's even worse. Because People here has everything and they are still very selfish and they would do such thing. Because I've suffered from something traumatic when I was a child and then I've gained weight and people in school until high school were so nasty with me. And nobody at this time were concerned about bullying and how it can destroy a life. So nobody said 1 word. Even when teachers would see it happening in front of them. So I left school early, and got a diploma as a chef. But I know I could have dome more studies. I haven't listened my mother at that time. And now I regret it everyday. I'm on the minimum wage to live. Life here is very expensive. When I pay everything I've got nothing left. And I've to wait until the next month.

I hate this life. I'm alone, I never was married and I dont have any kids. Even if I wanted to I dont think it would ever happend to me. So I'm into these endless circles and in the night I can't sleep without making nightmares not always making sense. And everything run in my head. I just wish to get a normal life one day and not sure I will live to get one.

Thank you for having read me. I'll be pleased if anyone wants to share anything

 

[parrotthepolly]

You think the neighbours are not polite and don't tolerate you because they aren't saying anything? Have you tried talking first or have they responded with something rude for proof. If they're saying nothing it doesn't always mean you're not welcome, I do it all the time especially when not spoken to cause I really don't care who new my neighbours are, things change all the time, people move on, doesn't seem like we have much in common and talking isn't my specialty. There has been times I just couldn't move my mouth to speak when someone talks and if we're not working and it's not an emergency my brain decides it's best not to. Have been called rude before but it makes sense. Nothing against them.

I'm on guard in or out the door just in case, not sure what for but people tend to be intimidated by me and most people back away, although some can see right through me. Or just think I'm hysterical as well, wouldn't be surprised. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

 

[LemoNadka]

You think the neighbours are not polite and don't tolerate you because they aren't saying anything? Have you tried talking first or have they responded with something rude for proof. If they're saying nothing it doesn't always mean you're not welcome, I do it all the time especially when not spoken to cause I really don't care who new my neighbours are, things change all the time, people move on, doesn't seem like we have much in common and talking isn't my specialty. There has been times I just couldn't move my mouth to speak when someone talks and if we're not working and it's not an emergency my brain decides it's best not to. Have been called rude before but it makes sense. Nothing against them.

I'm on guard in or out the door just in case, not sure what for but people tend to be intimidated by me and most people back away, although some can see right through me. Or just think I'm hysterical as well, wouldn't be surprised. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Yes I know they are for a reason. When I first moved in here they wrote an aggressive note on my door because they got some water that had dropped from higher balconies to them and under them. As I'm on the 3rd floor she assumed it was me. The thing is we all have the same problem. When it rain I also get water from the 4th floor. I haven't build the building! And there's no water evacuation from balconies the water just get on the balcony honestly it's not the end of the world for me. It's just water. But they wrote me a note saying they got the balcony wet because of me, and they wanted me to stop watering my balcony. Which I haven't. I already moved away because in my previous flat I've got harassed at my arrival by the Janitor of the building. As I'm a single woman he took advantage of it. If I had a man with me or family he wouldn't had. I had nothing against him and before I moved in I've talked with him on the phone to know about the system of the bins rotation and everything. And it was fine. But unfortunately I think he thought I would be open for whatever. And when I didn't appreciate his insistence to ring on my door , the buzzer , and knocking everyday for no reasons, I just told him. He one day lost it and scream like a mad man behind my door. And I called the Cops. They came and they filed a restraint against him. After this he became mad at me and been bad mouthing on me everywhere around. And most other people had believed him either because he lied or because people are coward and preffered not to get on his list to not be bothered. It was hell. I'm not like you, I'm a sociable person, I don't mind talking with people, I'm polite and I smile easily . Of course when I feel the other person on front of me is a nice person. So No I don't do what ever you're writing. They got hostile on me first. This time even if they are renting just like me, I don't want to be bothered anymore. So I ignored them. And now well they don't talk to me and I don't either . But sadly for people like me, we get things inside and even if we aren't wrong it keep turning in the head. But anyway the neighbours things are one thing it wasn't the whole thing.

 

[Movingforward10]

I'm sorry you experience racism and general unfriendly behaviour from you neighbours.

I'm white but my partner is mixed and I see how differently we get treated in similar ways to how you are treated. People will say hi to me but not her. In the shops, if she wants to buy something it'll be me the person makes eye contact with not her etc. All those micro aggressions.
It must be draining to deal with.

 

[arfie]

in my own mental health management, i call a post like this, "a venting session." all those gnarly charlies are eating at my guts and getting ready to explode. getting ^it^ into words and sharing those words helps me ease the knots in my guts. the venting seldom changes a single fact of my life, but it consolidates them far enough that i have a hope of setting them aside far enough that i have a hope of finding solutions.

i like to follow up a venting session with a gratitude list. yeah, those gnarly charlies suck, both literally and figuratively, but i still have opportunities to find joy in my life.

but that is me and every case is unique.

steadying support while you find what works for you. hope your day gets better.

 

[LemoNadka]

I'm sorry you experience racism and general unfriendly behaviour from you neighbours.

I'm white but my partner is mixed and I see how differently we get treated in similar ways to how you are treated. People will say hi to me but not her. In the shops, if she wants to buy something it'll be me the person makes eye contact with not her etc. All those micro aggressions.
It must be draining to deal with.

Yes sadly I'm not surprised it happend. But it is really sad thinking as we are supposed to go better in the future.. specially nowadays we can be with multiple backgrounds, and that doesn't makes us less legitimate to be in a country than someone else. No matter what skin color they have. Even being white you could have multiples backgrounds... sometimes people forget it.. Its unfair and what is the most, people will tell you to get over these acts and you are the victim. That's so wrong in so many ways..

in my own mental health management, i call a post like this, "a venting session." all those gnarly charlies are eating at my guts and getting ready to explode. getting ^it^ into words and sharing those words helps me ease the knots in my guts. the venting seldom changes a single fact of my life, but it consolidates them far enough that i have a hope of setting them aside far enough that i have a hope of finding solutions.

i like to follow up a venting session with a gratitude list. yeah, those gnarly charlies suck, both literally and figuratively, but i still have opportunities to find joy in my life.

but that is me and every case is unique.

steadying support while you find what works for you. hope your day gets better.

I'm sorry was it a reply to my post ? I actually don't understand your reply and what are you implying by venting ? I don't force people to read me or to let a comment to it. And it feels like you're judging more than anything

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

I'm sorry was it a reply to my post ? I actually don't understand your reply and what are you implying by venting ? I don't force people to read me or to let a comment to it. And it feels like you're judging more than anything

venting isn’t meant negatively in this post. she’s saying that laying all your feelings out helps put it all in one place and make better sense of them, which can help find what direction to go in to address the problem.
ime venting has never been a bad word, just a descriptor for letting things out. which is a big part of this site especially.

no judgement for expressing yourself here.

 

[Mach123]

Yes sadly I'm not surprised it happend. But it is really sad thinking as we are supposed to go better in the future.. specially nowadays we can be with multiple backgrounds, and that doesn't makes us less legitimate to be in a country than someone else. No matter what skin color they have. Even being white you could have multiples backgrounds... sometimes people forget it.. Its unfair and what is the most, people will tell you to get over these acts and you are the victim. That's so wrong in so many ways..


I'm sorry was it a reply to my post ? I actually don't understand your reply and what are you implying by venting ? I don't force people to read me or to let a comment to it. And it feels like you're judging more than anything

You misunderstood he was trying to be encouraging.

 

[Mach123]

So do I get racism? No. I get a what kind of man are you thing. Not much by some standards but I had to learn to live with it. I live in a fish bowl I’m surrounded. Neighbors looking out the windows on all sides. These people don’t make any bones about what they like and don’t. They don’t really like me . I learned though and they let me alone. There are lots of out of towners here now that don’t fit because the demographics here are changing rapidly. The properties turn over and they get big updates or torn right down and new one’s built.

Anyway it’s hard not to think about what they think about you, but don’t . I keep my head down. I go out in my yard when I hear them I start pulling weeds lol I do lots of gardening. Or I pull out my phone and pretend I’m talking . I’ve excused myself and walked away. They have to speak first if they want to talk to me I don’t make eye contact.

I understand this is all harder for women because women attract more attention. You have to be careful with men (meaning me) he might do something.

But I sympathize and I hope you can get some help. I don’t know what’s available where you are . I’m sorry it’s a daily struggle. Now I have good days but it took years . Once you realize you can have a good day here and there it gets easier you get hope .