Unable To Say A Single Thing To Therapist

[SophiaOfHearts293]

How do I start getting words out of my mouth? My therapist (first time seeing her) asked me what can she helped me with but I feel so tongue tied and I can't say a single thing. This is despite that I am quite a talkative person in real life but I find it so difficult to open up about my problems. This is frustrating to me because my time is limited and I don't want to waste her time..does anyone experience this too? I feel so embarrassed by this tbh

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I think it's normal to have difficulty opening up to most people especially someone you don't know or have a trust relationship.

I find it very helpful to journal my feelings, even my traumas and then hand over some of it to my therapist. I've been seeing the same therapist for 4 years now, and just last week I couldn't open up to him at all. It was directly related to him. He congratulated me on using this tool to communicate.

There are also parts of my trauma that I just can't handle talking about. When you journal, you're in control of what you share. It's your choice to open up or not. Maybe a non-verbal session might be a good start. It sounds like your therapist wants to help. That's a good sign.

Hang in there.

 

[One step at a time]

I wrote this before I saw stp's post, so this may be somewhat redundant...

The space is yours. You are not wasting her time. You can say whatever comes to mind, and a good therapist will help you feel safe in doing so. Together, you will build a space that feels increasingly safe. Over time, you will talk about the things that make you most uncomfortable. The therapist will help you to find ways of coping with pain and to understand where that pain comes from. And in this way you and the therapist will find what hurts and heal it.

Before my first-ever therapy session, I wrote on a notecard some basic things I needed to remember to tell the therapist. Because I tend to dissociate and therefore forget everything I was going to say (and even what I am currently talking about), I've pretty much done so ever since.

 

[Joan]

I have definitely had this problem. I do not think you are alone at all. Sometimes there are no words, sometimes they are too hard to say, sometimes the voice of shame is too loud to hear any other words. Like stp I have found journeling to help....I also use art a lot...uses a different part of the brain and then take it in and use it to help me articulate (does not have to be a masterpiece)...Not sure if your T accepts emails or not....I have sent emails of things I could not say out loud. Try not to beat yourself up or be embarrassed. Give yourself time and explore other ways to communicate.

 

[NightSky]

I think, as others have said, trust needs to be built gradually. I second the use of email or a journal. I have emailed my therapist on several occasions either after a session when I left feeling like I just couldn't get the words out, or before a session when I knew something intrusive needed to be dealt with and I wouldn't be able to say it out loud. She has always gently asked questions regarding my emails, helping me overcome my fear of speaking. But it is an incredibly slow process and she always asks first if I feel ok talking about whatever she brings up. I say yes even if I don't mean it, because I want to push myself. But then if I dissociate we stop and switch gears. Be patient with yourself. One layer at a time, as you're ready, you'll get there.

 

[Bristol]

I am completely the same, i dont have any words of wisdom but i do get it so keep going with it

 

[Abstract]

Your situation may of course be different to mine as the truth is in the details - but I relate. Although I can now sometimes see that it is still related to trauma for me it seems it is way past the difficulty of discussing trauma. That I could understand and accept more. For me it happens as soon as I walk into the therapy room. At that point I can barely speak and usually, if I am able, I can't remember most of it after. Ive started to see it as a mostly a combination of two things for me. Severe distrust and long entrenched habit. The first related to hypervigilance.

Talking isnt the same as sharing or asking for help. It doesn't have to be or feel intimate. Speaking and everything around it seems to be intensely charged for me. My default as a child was to imagine I wan't there and was invisible. I barely spoke and hardly reacted. I basically switched the off switch. Switching it on is no mean task. I think it could feel similar is one wasn't used to sharing anything intimate or was fixated on being "strong" Ironical that as true strength comes from sharing.

Hang in there if you can. Every step you take no matter how obvious it may feel is working on healing your trauma. That may be just using your voice in therapy.

 

[MichelleR]

I relate to your situation. How and where to begin. For me it took a few session before my therapist hit the nail on the head. She pointed out that I don't allow myself to feel emotions. So naming them and talking about them were difficult because I barely acknowledged them, let alone talk about them. You mightn't have the same issue, however I recommend you continue to persist as your T may be able to help you unlock what it is you need to express simply by reading between the lines