Uncomfortable with something my t said

[Friday]

If it bothers you, it’s worth bringing up.

Personally, I wouldn’t be phased by anyone using the word lifestyle... unless they did that blah blah blah <pause for effect> lifestyle <pause for effect> blah blah blah thing. :shifty: Which is just f*cking annoying. No matter what word they used.

So it wouldn’t even occur to me someone might be bothered, unless they told me.

Where I’m at, though, it’s a really normal word, used in all kinds of contexts.

 

[grit]

This is really a great post. Therapy only works because it takes the kink out of simple little things like this. The mere fact you can bring this up to her is a way of healing through therapy. Just the act of bringing up something that bothered you regardless of how small or big to a person, who is the one who did it, is the act of healing through therapy. You will feel so much better and not just momentarily but by like taking a leap in your healing. Because you acknowledge a feeling right and the intensity of it right and took adult like measure to deal with it. Rather than the usual way of trauma, not acknowledging or acknowledging but putting it to the body or the mind or dissociating. You already took the first step of acknowledgement. Now is sharing and hope the end result is opposite of your fears.

On the other hand, this also shows a bit of the therapist's human/subconscious side slipped through. Even the cashier down the road knows being gay is not a lifestyle like golfing and if you want to be generous (also another form of healing spectrum), you may teach her a valuable lesson. In such, she may learn ooops, she did it again or ooops she should not do that again to another client. You pay it forward!

If you also want, to be let us say more safe, you can bring it as a story not related to her and let her pick up the subtlety of the situation by just mentioning that you do not believe your life is lifestyle but you know people confuse this or say people may think that. This way you are not 100% directing her but putting the situation in the room - the therapeutic space and a great therapist will pick on your mature way of handling and will correct her ways in the future.

These are just some options. There could be many other ways of looking but the most important thing is by the simple act of bringing this is part of the healing you are seeking.

 

[Starfire]

I almost feel a little silly posting about this since it’s such a little thing, but last session my the...

I am assuming she is not. Here may be an opportunity to educate her not only as to how you felt but how the term is viewed. She just may not know...find out what she meant & give her a more appropriate term. Bet she won't repeat the error!

 

[Friday]

because it takes the kink out of simple little things like this.

@ImSad

Agreed, this is one of the damn cool things about a therapy relationship vs a friendship or any other kind of relationship. You don’t have to make the decision whether to call someone on bullshit, let it ride & just accept this is who they are, or walk away.

Something bothers you? You can just bring it up. No matter how big, or how small.

Sometimes it’s just an interpersonal thing, and is sorted that way, others it acts as a wicked cool wedge into a larger conversation.

It’s the difference of a Pro vs Personal relationship.

 

[Swift]

Definitely bring it up!
As a gay person that term annoys me.
And... as a gay person, I get tired of advocating at all times.
In therapy, I need to advocate for me, so I feel safe. That means asking my T not to use terms that are uncomfortable. Hopefully it will help someone else, but I also need to tell myself that's not the point. And everyone's right - it doesn't need to be confrontational. I'd say she honestly doesn't know it's a rubbish term to use.
Because I am a hugely sarcastic person sometimes... living by the beach is a lifestyle. I didn't build my Gay House on Beach Gay for the "lifestyle". I'd never refer to someone's heterosexuality as a lifestyle. But yeah, people often mean well but aren't educated enough to know which words to use.

 

[hithere]

I almost feel a little silly posting about this since it’s such a little thing, but last session my the...

I think you can use this as a "teaching moment " with hour t. i think if you ask if you share how the co me t made you feel and that it really is offensive.... it doesn't have to be confrontational.

 

[ImSad]

I want to thank everyone for their helpful and insightful responses! And sorry for not replying to everyone — I always mean to but it gets a bit overwhelming sometimes when I go to do it lol. My t was away for a while but I’ll finally be seeing her again this upcoming week and I’m getting a little nervous thinking about bringing this up (plus everything else I need to talk about, aghhh). But all of these replies have definitely calmed my nerves a bit, I will keep you all posted on how it goes!

 

[ImSad]

Guys... I totally chickened out I went into last session feeling extremely anxious due to not seeing her for a while, among other things that needed to be brought up that session.

I’m feeling a little down on myself for allowing anxiety to get the best of me when I had set out to bring something specific up. But, other than the fact that I didn’t bring up this one incident, I felt I had a very productive session and feel like I may be feeling safe/confident/calm enough by next session to bring it up, especially since I won’t have to wait so long in between sessions this time. Although now it almost seems silly to bring it up since it’s been about a month at this point. Agh, I don’t know...I’m not sure why this little thing is so difficult to bring up when I’ve had to talk about much heavier things with her before. Hopefully I have better luck next session.

 

[ILoveLife]

Nothing to worry about. And you can say it when you're ready, a year from now even.

I'm glad you enjoyed your appointment.

 

[barefoot]

Many times I’ve gone to session determined to bring something up and feeling really clear about what I want to say about it and then...nothing!

And then I do the, oh, it’s been so long now that it seems silly/irrelevant thing...

Things come up when they come up...no right or wrong time.

Glad you had a productive session today.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Yea, I've done the same thing....until more recently, my personal life has been highly dramatic, so I always have something new to tell and have felt often that I spend a lot of time catching T up on the craziness and....have difficulty working on the issues that are lurking around because my life is complex with lots of drama. Sometimes, months later I'll bring up something I didn't get a chance to discuss.....my T doesn't care when it happened, only that it bothers me. I'm sure yours would be happy to talk about anything that felt lingering. Glad you had a good T day!