Understanding Anger

[Survivor2Thriver]

The other day,I was having a conversation with someone I respect. We were discussing emotions. As humans we have a range of emotions. All of which are acceptable to feel. Emotions are emotions we are free to feel them. They go on to say emotions are not the reason/cause anyone does anything. (!!!!!!) LOL

In light of the healing process I personally believe anger is unnecessary. Have I felt it? Yes! I find it to be a complete waste of time in the healing process. I have gone through the grief process so many times I feel there is no need to feel anger. Understanding the anger which caused your abuse from a mentally handicapped person who is incapable of understanding their own emotions is what is important. There is no anger...only understanding.

Anyone else agree?

 

[Ryn]

Interesting topic.

I am still not sure how I feel about anger. There have been only a few times I have truly gotten angry and it does tend to spiral away into other negative emotions if I'm not careful about handling it. However, I can feel very strong anger for the injustices done to other people, and once when a true friend expressed anger for what was done to me, it was actually very important for my healing process to realise that I was worth someone being angry/protective over me. I wonder if that can/should transfer over to me - should I hold a certain sense of righteous anger for the injustices done to me, at least for a time? I don't know. It is worth thinking about.

I don't think anger is a bad thing in the least, but I do think it is often misused and poorly expressed and that can lead to more unpleasant issues.

 

[arfie]

Personally, I believe emotions are forces of Nature. When I attempt to treat them like facts that I can manipulate with my awesome intellect, I end up in an emotional stew with wires crossed in hopeless tangles and kinks.

When I treat them like a force of nature, I can then ply my intellect to deciding what to do about it. Hurricane coming? To the storm cellar. Sure glad I stocked it. Hot desert sun overhead? Think I see a shade tree. Fill the canteen. Am I angry? Time for a workout before I tackle the therapy work of finding and reconciling the source.

Thank you for the interesting and highly pertinent topic, survivor.

 

[Meadowsweet]

As humans we have a range of emotions. All of which are acceptable to feel. Emotions are emotions we are free to feel them. They go on to say emotions are not the reason/cause anyone does anything. (!!!!!!) LOL

I neither agree, nor disagree that anger is anger is necessary. What one feels another might not - feelings are personal. However, I don't believe that feelings are a choice. They are there, or not.

In terms of the quote above, I think it is easily misunderstood. Emotions themselves do not hurt others - it is the reaction to emotion that can hurt others. That is an important distinction.

As I've healed, I have felt pure, unadulterated anger. When I am alone, in the car on the country roads, I've let it out by shouting as loud as I want, right from the heart. I don't see that any good comes from getting angry and ranting at other people. But the emotion itself is very powerful, and I wouldn't want to try to hold it inside of me. So if its there, its a positive action to release it, in a safe place where it doesn't hurt others.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I agree and disagree at the same time. Yes, feeling anger at itself is not exactly productive. It changes the way you look at things, you don't feel so good, it takes up a lot of energy.

But, I do think it's a necessary part of the healing process. I've repressed my emotions for many years and I have still yet to learn how to process all emotions in a natural way. Anger is difficult, but I do think that if I keep repressing it, it will catch up with me eventually. And it will probably come out in the form of fear and stress, of which I already get plenty every day.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

should I hold a certain sense of righteous anger for the injustices done to me, at least for a time? I don't know. It is worth thinking about.
I don't think anger is a bad thing in the least, but I do think it is often misused and poorly expressed and that can lead to more unpleasant issues.

I could tear down Mt. Everest in a single afternoon with my righteous anger. I instead prefer the view. :) IMO Anger can be helpful and healthy. Anger is pain from injustice. It helps us process pain without sadness. An excellent motivator. It gives us courage to deal with our pain. It opens the door to understanding. Experiencing true understanding allows us to process the deep sadness that frees us from the injustices we have endured. I have gone through it so many times I skip the anger stage! :)

My point is..true healing is the absence of anger. It is about acceptance and understanding.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Emotions themselves do not hurt others - it is the reaction to emotion that can hurt others. That is an important distinction.

Agreed. Having survived a very angry childhood environment. I see the expression of anger as very negative. I avoid anger and conflict like the plague. Not my circus not my monkeys. I was afraid to be angry. I was filled with terror. An important distinction. It allowed me to explore the "whys" of my toxic environment which in turn lead me to greater understanding.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Greater than what? Or, to put another way, what is your greater understanding of anger?

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

what is your greater understanding of anger?

Anger is a healthy tool in the healing process. Or it can be a destructive force. Everyone has that choice. I go straight to why angry people are acting out. Feeling anger doesn't occur to me. I am busy trying to determine how close they are to circling the drain on their way to the darkside. LOL

It is folly to get angry at someone who doesn't understand their own anger. It is best to move on.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Anger is a healthy tool in the healing process. Or it can be a destructive force.I go straight to why angry people are acting out. Feeling anger doesn't occur to me.

Does feeling anger not occur to you at all, or if you felt anger, could you allow yourself to feel it as the healthy tool?

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

I don't absorb other peoples anger. I try to understand why they are angry. ~Call it a gift from my childhood. :joyful:

There is no need for anger if you have understanding of a situation.

 

[Meadowsweet]

What about your feelings?