Unrealistic advice?

[UnicornSightings]

Therapists are not supposed to, and should not, give advice. If the OP’s is, that’s a big red...

Pretty sure it was a suggestion and not a “you should do this...”. Therapists CAN give options. Especially because so many people struggle to realize there are alternatives.

 

[MyWillow]

I think I do something similar.....

Get feedback from T.

Whaaaaa?!?

That’s not what I want...

The number of times I say to my T with a wry smile "it's really f***ing annoying how often you're right" - makes her laugh out loud and really explains that process you've described.

 

[littleoc]

What are you questioning?

I was questioning the part where therapists shouldn't give advice. Totally new information for me

 

[FauxLiz]

@littleoc I don't remember saying that my T can't give advice just that it was unrealistic advice that he wouldn't ever take himself.

 

[littleoc]

@littleoc I don't remember saying that my T can't give advice just that it was unrea...

Oh, I, I was quoting @HollyBeans27 :P you didn't say that.

 

[ButterflyBean]

Let me clarify... “I think X based on what you’ve said, and let me make sure I understand correctly”. Opinions and claritying facts to help clients change possible distortions and perceptions is perfectly acceptable and often beneficial. Opinions from Ts can lead to thoughtful discussions about realistic options for a particular client. “My thoughts are X because I know Y about you and the impact of the situation on Z. Feel free to consider my perspective; however, I’m most interested in what YOU, the client, think and how I can help you best”.

The above is vastly different from giving advice such as “I think you should do X because Y” or “I believe X is your best option because...” Also different from “based on the situation, these are your options, and I suggest X because Y”. It’s entirely true, normal, and acceptable that some clients need a more directive approach. However, my opinion, and my opinion only, is that giving “therapeutic advice” severely limits client autonomy and can eliminate it altogether.

Most importantly, I would also refrain from telling a client to do something I wouldn’t do myself given the same situation...

ETA: In response to @FauxLiz, her therapist could have said something like, “Considering the current situation, which would be difficult for anyone, do you think you can comfortably cut expenses anywhere and/or look for ways to reduce your stress at work? Let’s look at the possibilities together. What do you think?”

 

[UnicornSightings]

@littleoc I don't remember saying that my T can't give advice just that it was unrea...

How do you know he wouldn’t take it himself? Therapists are generally pretty damn good at self-care. You don’t think of he wasn’t doing his best work or having issues he wouldn’t lower his case load? I’m curious about why you think he wouldn’t take care of himself?

 

[Suzetig]

Therapists are not supposed to, and should not, give advice. If the OP’s is, that’s a big red flag!

I’d question that. Depending on modality Ts are absolutely within their remit to give advice. CBT is build on the basis that we can unlearn unhelpful patterns and it’s not unusual for Ts to be very directive about what will and won’t be helpful. Even in less directive modalities Ts will and should give advice, particularly around safety and risk.

In @FauxLiz’s situation advice may well be appropriate in the context of their relationship, you can’t know that based on one thread on a website.

@FauxLiz i can really understand that a period of inpatient treatment would shake the relationship with your T, like everything it’s worth talking through but what you describe sounds fair enough. I think too she finances and living circumstances are so uncertain it can be hard to engage in therapy. Remember safety first in trauma work, if your living situation feels insecure you may need to work on that before anything else which might be why your T is focussing support and advice on your work situation.

 

[ButterflyBean]

@Suzetig I completely respect and understand where you’re coming from with regard to direct approaches. Safety is always the first priority; in the case of risk, the conversation becomes more of “follow X direction for your safety” rather than giving advice. I’m simply saying that there can and should be a collaborative balance of a therapist being direct and promoting/facilitating autonomy for the client. That which is strictly my opinion (you may or may not agree, hence the language of “consider my perspective” in my previous post), is based on things I’ve read and learned. Perhaps this article may be of interest and/or helpful - as always possible, maybe not...

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/th...ist-could-get-stop-giving-advice-0205154/amp/

 

[Suzetig]

I’m simply saying that there can and should a collaborative balance of a therapist being direct and promoting/facilitating autonomy for the client.

Of course there should be, but that’s not what I’m challenging. You said a T should never give advice and that it was a “red flag” that the OPs T did. I’m challenging the “never” and “red flag” because neither are true but someone reading that could end up thinking their T is doing something wrong and question a perfectly good therapy arrangement for no reason.

 

[ButterflyBean]

Of course there should be, but that’s not what I’m challenging. You said a T should never give advice and that it was a “red flag” that the OPs T did. I’m challenging the “never” and “red flag” because neither are true but someone reading that could end up thinking their T is doing something wrong and question a perfectly good therapy arrangement for no reason.

Point well taken. Maybe the “never” is absolute and something like, “Ts should be thoughtful about when to give advice...” would be a better choice of words. Thank you for clarifying and calling attention to my language use!

 

[TruthSeeker]

Isn't PTSD covered by the ADA and provisions have to be made to help you out as long as you can still do...

Yes, my trigger was controlling people wanting to do me harm. Last fall, I reported a legal violation in my field, that could have negatively impacted my job, my job performance, the employer, but more importantly, the progress of the students I had in my class.
Boss retaliated and blindsided with a needs improvement plan. After working many years, I'd never had a needs improvement plan. After taking FMLA leave to destress, I felt good and patched up with therapy, to go back to work. Once back full time, the retaliation started again-overt bullying which set off anxiety attacks. My T had to fill out forms for ADA accommodation to remove supervisor and give me to the other supervisor whom I had a decent relationship with and trusted but to justify, the label PTSD went on the form. I'm in a much better situation. Less stressed and more productive. As long as your request for an accommodation is not unreasonable, is validated by a physician, and does not put undue hardship on your employer, you will typically be able to get if from what I read and experienced.