Unsure What To Do Next?

[Ice_Fire]

At my last session on Thursday, I was informed by my T, that our sessions will have to come to an end in the near future, most likely before the end of the year. This was totally out of the blue, I had not been expecting it at all, as she had recently said that she would see me up until leaving college. Technically, she should have terminated our sessions once I turned 18, because the organisation she works for (Younger Minds) only deals with children. However, as I'm still in school, I was able to continue seeing her. Or so I thought.

There will also be a 4 week gap, covering August due to holidays. So...I'm not totally clear on how many sessions I actually have left. I feel so hurt by how abrupt this is. I've only just started to really open up about the abuse, especially the sexual abuse and well, the past couple of sessions have been useful, but she's felt a bit detached, or, kind of overly emotional. More angry and generally upset than I am. I know that's partly me shutting down, but...I've had a little doubt in my mind about it. And now she says our sessions are going to stop soon? She also said, in passing, that she thinks I'm going to need a lot of long term counselling, as my "issues are so varied and complex"...so, is it just that she can't cope and is politely telling me that I'm too f**ked up for her to deal with?

I don't know what to do. Now I know that she won't be seeing me much longer, I am reluctant to talk about 'stuff'. What's the point? She knows more about me that anyone, but there's still a lot to talk about and now I don't see the point in bothering if I'm going to be dumped before those issues are resolved. Why tell her any more personal things when it's all going to be over soon?

She wants to refer me on to 'adult services' and said she'll introduce me to my new counsellor. I don't want a new one! I don't want to have to go through it all again, the whole story. Especially considering that in 12 months time I'll hopefully be going to University. Why open up all over again to a stranger knowing that I'll lose that T as well in the near future. Considering my current T thinks I'll need 'long-term' help.

Confused. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.

 

[nimkekaa]

I can so relate to the lose of losing a T and not knowing where to go next. My T is no longer working for the organization that I get my therapy from. I found out the night before my appointment and have had no closure.

Now I don't know anything about your T but I don't think that you are too messed up for her to deal with. From what you say I think that you are caught in the middle of the age criteria for different services. Maybe your T was told she could continue with you while in school but funding criteria can change quickly.

Are you open to talking to your T about your feelings around this? I can totally understand how you don't want to go into anything new with this T but if you can work out your disappointments with this T before you leave then maybe it won't hold you back in therapy in the future. Just an idea.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It is so hard to trust a T and then to have them taken away before your ready is soooooo hard.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

This happens and it is very traumatic on the patient. I have lost therapists before. I had to find new ones. You have to grieve the losses. It is painful and it takes time.

I do not have any words of advise for you. You have to figure out if you need to have a therapist right away, or you can wait until you go to the university and begin to look for a new one then.

My heart goes out to you. I have had losses of therapists, and some of it was quite traumatic. I had one die on me. It was shrouded in respect for privacy for him. I had to wait to be reassigned to a new one. I just hung onto her, even though she was not the right fit for me. I was glad when I changed and now have a much better one.

It really depends on how needy you are of having a therapist. I wish you did not have to deal with this. But it will turn out ok, you will be ok, one way or the other you will eventually be ok. I hate change, and I hate losing people I have trust in. Wishing you the best.

Good luck in what you choose for yourself.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Thanks to both of you for replying. I can't believe how much this hurts! :( Yes, I think I was over reacting when I said I'm too messed up for her to deal with. I know that really it's not that at all, she just has to do what she's told in her job like anyone else. But it is so difficult not to take it personally, because, well, the relationship is personal! I know they need rules and systems to manage their workloads and still be the organisation they are, ie. for children...but...:cry: I wish they could bend the rules just a little bit further until I go to Uni! Can't I plead that 'little' inner child Rose needs my current T? :p:ninja:

I can so relate to the lose of losing a T and not knowing where to go next. My T is no longer working for the organization that I get my therapy from. I found out the night before my appointment and have had no closure.

This makes me both sad and angry at the same time! I can't believe that you didn't find out until the night before, that's just so wrong! :( Are you settled with a new T now? I hope so.

(((Gizmo))) A therapist died whilst you were their client? Gosh, I can only imagine how awful that must have been! Especially as we get so close to them, probably closer than some of their own friends, yet couldn't grieve the loss in the same way as someone from their personal life. That must have been so hard.

At least I have had plenty of warning I guess, I will get a structured closure...I'm just not sure that will be enough.

What has it been like, starting again with someone new?

 

[intothelight]

Ice-Fire,

I started with a new therapist in March of this year. All I can say is shop around and find a person that you are comfortable with, but also one that will help you achieve your goals.

It is hard and stressful to start new things and meet new people, especially when there is such a strong bond. But it is also an opportunity to maybe learn different skills and have another person's perspective. Change is hard, but it can be a good thing.

Wishing you much peace.

Debbie

 

[Nighthawk]

Wow I can relate to this.

My T left in April and I am not clicking with the new T. The new T will be leaving in May and I think this all has to do with why I am not clicking. I want my old T back he was the first T I have ever had that made sense to me.

The thing is I need the help and finding another new T at the moment is not really an option. So first things first find out your time line. Also know that if your T is finding you a new T it won't be starting over with the information. Although it will be starting over with the trust and comfort. I wish you the best with this transition it is not easy and Gizmo was right when she said you have to grieve the loss of your current T. I am still not there yet myself.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Deb, thanks for your post. It is really stressing me out already and I hadn't even considered that there may be some potential benefits from the change. I guess, having a new/different perspective may be useful and move me forward. I don't know. The whole thing is very frightening at the moment.

Nighthawlk, I'm afraid that I won't click with the new T, whoever they will be. I'm scared that because I know that I will be leaving the new T within a few months of starting off, there's no point in talking about anything except general day to day stuff and I won't be able to relax and develop that trust. Or, if I do...I'll have to go through all this again in a year from now.

 

[Nighthawk]

I might not be the best person to respond but I had all the same feelings you are having. I still do. It is a struggle to bond with someone that is just going to leave or visa versa. I am sorry you are having to deal with this it sucks and it hurts.

(((((Ice_Fire)))))

 

[piratelady]

I am sorry you are going through this. I like Nimkekaa's idea of talking about your feelings about switching therapists. The simple fact is this is a relationship. It is not like other relationships in our lives, but it is one nonetheless. It is hard when they end, especially when we don't want them to. I think there would be real value in discussing this with your current therapist and it gives you something to work on in the mean time.

I hope you are able to click with the new therapist and will be able to open up.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Thanks so much everyone.

I actually had the shock of my life yesterday; my T completely back-peddled. :confused::roflmao:

She spoke again to her supervisor about me and told her more about what I'm dealing with. Let's face it, I'm not exactly your average p***ed off teenager having half a dozen sessions, which is what the majority of her clients are, due to the organisation she works for.

So...her supervisor gave it the okay, she's not going to press my T to terminate the sessions. PHEW!

Relieved doesn't even come close!

 

[Red Feather]

That is such good news! So happy for you. :D

 

[Ice_Fire]

Me too, could have done without the week-long heart/panic attack though! :rolleyes: