Friday
Sponsor
It’s like if someone asked you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?
And for the sake of argument, it really doesn’t matter if it’s a totally safe cliff-diving cliff that people constantly jump off of, or if it’s a hurtle to your probable death cliff. Either way? YOU do not want to do it.
Someone saying “I won’t be your friend unless you jump off this cliff,” …isn’t not having a choice. It’s not coercion. Nor duress. It’s making a choice, to attempt to keep a friend by jumping, even though they clearly don’t have your best interests at heart. Yes, refusing to jump off a cliff means you lose a friend, if they won’t be your friend anymore unless you do it. That’s the cost of making decisions.
Being afraid someone won’t be your friend unless you jump of the cliff is even less coercive. And it’s twice the decision making. Once, deciding what they will or will not do, twice, if you decide to jump off the cliff.
Deciding to jump off of a cliff because you don’t want to lose someone’s friendship? Whether they’ve stated that, or you’ve decided it? Is different than being pushed off the cliff. Or a gun held to your -or someone else’s head- unless you jump.
For example?
- Prisoners are often coerced to perform sex acts on themselves or others, by guards & other prisoners. In order to avoid far worse (gang rape, being beaten, sentences extended, injury, maiming, & death).
- Gangs & Cartels often coerce people, in innumerable ways, to do just as many innumerable things.
- Abusers often coerce people to do one less violent thing, to avoid a more violent thing… or to protect someone else from experiencing the violent thing.
- People being tortured for information, are being coerced for that information.
- People whose family members have been kidnapped, or who are being tortured, in exchange for _____ are being coerced.
- People who are being trafficked are being coerced. (Whether they’re being trafficked for sex, labor, or criminal activity.)
- Children, who are told that their parents/siblings/pets/etc. will be killed, if they don’t XYZ do not have the ability to determine the likelihood of that, so are being coerced.
Duress & Coersion are not feeling sad that someone might not be your friend, anymore.
Peer pressure, people pleasing, wanting A to be true instead of B, embarrassment, etc. are powerful motivators. But they are also issues of self confidence. Not immediate threats to life, or very real danger to yourself or others.
