Unworthy And Undeserving

[Sheera]

I'm probably posting this on the wrong place.. I don't even know why or what I'm doing but I needed to say something to someone... I was kicked out of my Facebook support group yesterday.. When I first joined the group it was under 50 people, and I'm scared of people even online people so I purposely sought a small group... Today they are over 300 members in the group and it's growing daily I had been an admin in this group and dedicated billions of hours to it and it's members but was getting increasingly scared by the amount of people in the group... All of those behaviors that I was able to stop with the acknowledgment and support of the group came slowly back as I was more and more reluctant to share... And then I made a huge mistake I voiced my opinion and asked if changes could be considered and I was kicked out and blocked, my fellow Admins unfriended and blocked me and I'm left alone with my support system pulled out from under me.
So now I'm left with the confirmation that i shouldn't have spoken up I shouldn't have had wants or needs and and I don't deserve the same as others cause I was born inadequate useless and unworthy and that's what I'll always be no matter how hard I try... Some people deserve support and understanding and others don't...

 

[I'm not Spiderman]

Hey Sheera,

I'm so sorry to hear that. I know how it feels to be slapped in the face by those you trust. It always hurts everytime. I've experienced something similar with 2 people I was very close to a few years ago- we were a brilliant trio. Then they kicked me out of that bond and still to this day I have no idea why.

It wasn't your fault for their behaviour. THEY are responsible for THEIR actions. You didn't do anything wrong. You have an opinion and feelings and you as a human being are allowed to voice them. From what you said it does not sound fair. It must be really awful to have the rug pulled out from under you, especially from "supporters". That said, if this is what they have done, how "supportive" are these "friends"? Don't you think that maybe you want better?

As for my trio - they became a duo. That didn't last long and now they are on their own. They have started trying to be nice to me and connect, out of politeness I may interact in public but nothing beyond that. I am not the only one who thinks poorly of those 2. The true colours always bleed out.

Respect to you for asserting yourself and keep doing so.

 

[Neverthesame]

That's a shitty thing to do to someone. I can definitely tell you you're not the only one.

I was kicked out of a Facebook PTSD support group. This was years ago, so probably not the same people.

This was a few months (I think) after I was diagnosed. I was looking for people I could relate to, and give/receive support. (Basically I was looking for what I found here.)

After the "leader" invited me in, he messaged me to ask how long I had been diagnosed for. As well what treatment I was doing. I answered.

I mentioned I was having difficulty with therapy, that I was frustrated with how slowly it was going. That I was considering a different type of therapy. (I was about a month into EMDR.)

This guy replies with "What. A month? How could you be doing it for a whole month? And what other therapy? The only therapy for PTSD is EMDR. But it doesn't take a month. You must be doing something wrong."

I was feeling a bit dubious about this, so I asked him what he meant by all that.

He replied with, "I had PTSD, was diagnosed, given EMDR and I was totally cured within 3 weeks. You should be to."

Told him that I was confused as that was pretty much the exact opposite of what my psychiatrists (I was at a university hospital, being seen by a resident and her attending) and psychologist had explained to me, about how this disorder works.

I then asked how a psychiatrist that oversees the practical experience portion of a student psychiatrist, could be that inept? (I was also starting to get sick of being talked down to.)

Well, let me tell you. This guy lost it. Began accusing me of being a malingerer trying to milk the system. (I was unemployed, and was not receiving any sort of government or occupational assistance.)

That I am a attention seeking pity whore, that I don't have PTSD, blah, blah, blah.

He then promptly kicked me out of his group and blocked me.

This whole exchange, from start to finish. Lasted an hour. Lol!

I laugh about it now. But then it was very painful to be rejected like that. I was looking for help, and got burned for it.

You will find a new support system. From your post it looks like the support was steadily eroding away on it's own.

If all it took was you making a suggestion, for them to boot you. Then I dare say these people are just jerks. I think it's good thing you spoke up. Imagine what might have happened if they pulled this crap at a time when you really needed their support.

I don't deserve the same as others

If they treat each other, the way they treated you. Then yes, I would agree. You don't deserve to be treated like the others. You deserve to be treated with respect.

It is not your fault that some people can't conduct themselves in a civilized manner.

 

[Sheera]

I just want 1 real friend I can talk to.. I don't think I'm expecting much.. Just one friend other than my therapist that i can tell about who I am... My therapist calls my past 'extreme' even amongst ptsd people I'm shunned and people don't know how to react to my story.. I've tried so many times to trust and open up.. It is what it is... Not having any expectations of wants or needs is easier...

 

[RavenGirl]

@Sheera , I'm so sorry to hear what you have had to go through! ! :mad:

Not having any expectations of wants or needs is easier...

I have felt that way too, but it just isn't a very happy or fulfilling way to live. Just know that the people here are very understanding, non-judgmental, caring people who have been through the same types of trauma. We support each other, not put down each other. I also hope I'm correct when I say no one here would shun you. :tup: Please give us a chance and I think you'll find more than "just one friend" that you can talk to and find support from. :) Welcome to the forum and PLEASE don't be afraid to speak your story and truth here. :hug:

 

[Sheera]

There are sooo many people here and I'm sure everyone here is wonderful... I'm just so scared and I just want all this to go away I was this all to be over... I'm so tired of trying and failing.. I'm so tired in general

 

[InvisibleSun]

Welcome to the board, @Sheera! I'm sorry to hear about what happened with your group..it can be so hurtful to have a much needed support network pulled out from under you. However, never regret asserting yourself and making your needs known. That is never a mistake. Letting their bullshit bring you down is only hindering your recovery.

I think you've made the right choice coming here. Although this is a large board, there is cohesiveness and respect here that creates a safe enviroment to be open about your struggles. It humbles me to know that people can pull together from around the world and draw support and strength from one another. You never have to feel alone..

So for now just relax and take your time..feel things out a little bit and open up when your ready. It'll be okay. Stay Strong!

 

[seedling]

I made a huge mistake

Maybe, maybe not! You asked for the conditions that you knew you needed to be able to get support. If if can't be found there anymore then it's better in the long run to move on. It doesn't sound like, from what you posted, that you were rude or offensive in your request.

I agree with @risingsun.

Sometimes the catalyst for change is painful and unsettling. But the change can move you forward to better things. Let yourself rest now and let it pass. It's brave to reach out for help and connection in any way. You have done well even if it doesn't feel like it right now.