Altering my core belief of being totally bad & unworthy no matter; corrosive self doubt


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I have a huge issue with this but for me it's more complex because I know it's ridiculous but some other part of me deep inside is stuck on it. I'm always working on clearing things up with myself. and moving forward. Little steps at a time though. Everything I do to this part of me tells me that no matter what I do it's wrong and I'm a terrible person. I could be doing my job just organizing a shelf at work, it doesn't matter. Everything I do is simply terrible and there is no saving myself. Everyone I interact with who is normal is saint by default but I can't do anything that is not wrong. If I even be friendly with someone I'm just being an imposter somehow. This is something I have to put my hands down and say i have no solution to entirely since it's so deeply rooted and my situation and all the hardships perpetuate it. It's hard to feel great all the time when sometimes you gotta roll with the punches and get a little dirty in the process because such is the life of an underpaid peasant like me that could never possibly be one of the great, model citizen upper class people that have a track record of nothing but perfection and are the only one's worthy of weilding the scales of judgement. It's just a guilt game and I want to opt out entirely.

I know where this all comes from too is the real problem related to my PTSD, probably one of the easiest to point out about it. If just a single person perpetuates it, it keeps going. Working with public myself and being an outcast sometimes that does happen. People like to project and take out things on others for minor faults or things outside of our control. The workplace environment is especially degrading putting the leaders in the position of the moral good guys who could do no wrong and the disgusting underling workers scrambling about making mistake after mistake for their tiny paycheck they'll use to indulge themselves in such selfish things like food to enjoy, getting some new entertainment, or using it on something to help them cope with the stress of being in the position of being the scum of the earth for being alive to be there in that position. As you can see it's just a spiraling delusional self degradation trap lined with guilt of nothing in particular and everything anyone wants it to be. Even worse if someone tried to weaponize that and anyone can is the scary thing.


Given how much I struggle with this it would perhaps be best if I didn't give others advice on this.
How’s your sense of humor, doing?

Because (paraphrasing & linking the 2 pieces together) “I’m not worthy to give advice / talk about this thing, if I struggle with being unworthy.” <cough>

So maybe reverse it, a bit? Meaning take a step back to see if you can have your cake and eat it, too.

If you WANT to be perfect -or at least not struggling- with a thing before giving advice? Totally valid. Not necessary but also not unreasonable.

That does NOT mean an all or nothing STFU …and also don’t share your “experience, strength, & hope” when someone else asks about this very close to your heart topic, nor chart your own progress & challenges, nor ask questions of your own to others, nor, nor, nor, nor.

It just changes the dynamics of the sentence from “You should do this” (advice) and similar….to “This is what works for me” or”What I’ve found when ABC is XYZ” (sharing your own experience).

Working on the unworthiness by finding ways to BE worthy… rather than the opposite?
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