1) Abusers (and yes some of them have out of control PTSD) often abuse because of severe needs to play power games. (IE. Abuse involving power games is very dangerous.) Of course, I'm NOT a P so this is just an opinion.
2) PTSD is not catchable in the sense that it sounds like you are talking. It occurs due to specific ingredients. Abuse is one of those ingredients. Sometimes the abuse can appear tiny (in a relative sense). But it has many indredients (I don't know them all to list. Again not a P) and they conspire to amplify the abuse at the core.
3) PTSD is often a pattern disease. The pattern that happens to the sufferer often occurs over many years. Their defenses may have been torn down for years in advance.
4) Actual love doesn't play those games.
Some have the relationship issues before they develop PTSD. Some appear to get it due to the PTSD.
I know, like Bear, there is something not quite right within me and everything quoted above is a part of that - but I don't believe I have to continue to be a product of it.
I can think of 4 significant relationships which only one I know for a fact has been diagnosed with PTSD.
My father - diagnosed with Polio in his leg when he was five, came from a very 'hard to handle' family, has never been able to truly work or be active because of his deformity which has also messed up his back and other leg his entire life, has worked hard to 'change his ways' and believes he can be different than his family YET he still abuses. Not physically, but he is very manipulative, he used to not apologize, he'd say horrible horrible things to us when we were little, trying to put fear into us was his way of guiding. In retrospec, it did the complete opposite on my self esteem. He's gotten a lot better but it definitely has taken me a very long time to accept that that was Dad and the way he was raised, his stuff, it didn't need to be mine.
Long time prior to me acknowledging that, however, the first summer I moved away from home
I let a guy into my life who seemed really nice, was exciting, but little by little it got worse. I don't really know now what attracted him to me accept that I was homesick and so he would build me up, then he "took" my virginity from me, hold that over me, the building up wouldn't last long and then he'd tear me down first verbally then physically. That relationship ended with him choking me and in the sec he adjusted his hands over my throat, I gasped for a quick breath and hit him as hard as I could and rolled away.
Next several years a blur till I realized watching a commercial that I was depressed and needed help.
Fast forward 7 years -
Next ex, similar thing only I was a lot more confident and my relationship with my Dad and family had improved a GREAT deal, and so did my foundation for my beliefs. This ex was attracted to my confidence, but being from an unloving father who cheated on his mom and abused her, though he knew it wasn't right, he still would be overcome by this darkness and the abuse would begin. Little by little I allowed it to break me down. I became very co-dependent in this relationship. The stress was literally killing me. I was sick for weeks on end over the course of 2 years. We'd had our good moments, everything would be fine, but the cheating, and the verbal, some physical abuse would start and it was always my fault. It was only a couple of times that we finally were away from each other because he decided to go on a trip - alone - that I started to put all my thougths back together, pack up and move out and to another state with all I could fit in my car, $300 in my pocket, my bike strapped to the top of my car, and my dog in the seat next to me. He didn't have PTSD, but he had a learned behaviour that was unacceptable but he didn't see it. God saved me, I truly believe, and I vowed never to be that sort of fool or weak again.
Fast forward 3 years of essential freedom in relationships and I meet
my most recent ex/boyfriend. Diagnosed PTSD from 2 years in Iraq ending with him getting blown up. I thought I was healed but I realized that the anxiety that was striking me, mine diagnosed as slight trauma with anxiety and depression, wasn't because of now, it was because of not completely healing the past. My current situation has PTSD and I can seperate that. The 'relationship' aspect of this is too much good on top of bad stress - the PTSD cup stuff. The reason I can seperate the PTSD which is reachable to manage - the nightmares, the anxiety, the paranoia and shadow reenactments, etc. - is because HIS dad TOO has to a "T"
Antisocial Personality Disorder (thanks to Angel for nailing that one on the head). Now that I know better, I don't tolerate when he tries to be a 'pig' so to speak. I don't necessarily 'walk away' like out the door but I just say 'unacceptable and hurtful'. I refuse to take responsibility for this ugliness and put my shields up so not to let it affect me. Being as he has diagnosed PTSD is a blessing in disguise, too, and his relationship with his dad is full throttle so though he strives for acceptance he also rebels like crazy where my other ex had no contact for the majority of our relationship. (Uphill battle) I don't show emotion because it will upset both sides, but I refuse to believe he's this person. Capable of it - oh yes! We all are, but just as it is a learned behaviour it can also be changed if willing.
"Sorry for the long vent/story but my point, along with what Bear touched on is YES. Maybe you can handle what you are going through right now, but it can break you down and make you more susceptible to repeated abuse by others even down the road... Not that you would necessarily
get PTSD but suffer from overly exposed abuse, ANXIETY yes. You are in a position right now to A) Stand up for yourself, B) Save your strength and take care of yourself, and C) Seperate yourself from what is just plain abusive and save yourself from long term suffering due to co-dependency."
