Urge To Cut

[Muttly]

You are doing some really hard work and using some great skills. How are you doing now?

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Muttly I actually don't know, thoughts are all over the place, sometimes I think being dead would be better than what I am going thru. But then again, that ain't gonna happen anytime soon, and trying to make that happen has always just gotten me locked up in a ward somewhere, so I just have to do what I am doing. My life has been one long stretch of suffering, it's a roller coaster I would like to get off of. I know that in time (a very long time) the therapy will help me cope better. I just wish I did not feel like this. The desire to get relief by cutting (S/H) is strong, and resisting the urge is a lot of work, that leaves me stuck with the pain and emotions.

Its a good thing I have trauma group on monday night, and by trauma therapist on tuesday.

It's kind of strange, I am not depressed, it's just the raw feelings coming from dealing with trauma in therapy and the fact that I never let these feelings happen over the years. I can understand why it's so intense.

 

[Muted]

You sound better @recoveringfromptsd. You may be through the worst part and also I think it's going to be awesome for you to be a ble to share how you used your skills to get through this when you go to group. I think you have made a powerful step in the right direction, pretty awesome way to start off the new year! Keep up the great work! You're worth it!

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Gia1019 Thanks for the support, it helps a lot to not be alone with all this, if I was alone with all this I probably would actually end up cutting, as for starting the new year I see it as starting the new year feeling like crap. But I do recognize using DBT skills in this is something I should pat myself on the back for.

I can't wait to talk about how I feel in trauma group on monday night.

 

[Muted]

absolutely pat yourself on the back @recoveringfromptsd!!!
I think being able to share what you've been through and what you did to keep yourself safe the last couple of days will be invaluable to share with your group not only for yourself, but for others in your group too.

I've struggled in this area also and it is an honor to help in any way that I can.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Gia1019 Just got back from tonight's trauma group, it was a very emotional group. I had to use my trusty frozen orange to stay grounded the whole time, I came away with a lot, most of all that I am not alone. And the insistence, call someone don't cut if I reach the point where I feel I can't hold back.

It's a good thing I got DBT and TRAUMA Therapist again tomorrow.

 

[Muted]

Yay! That's awesome, I am so proud of you!!! This is a new beginning @recoveringfromptsd!
I'm so thankful you were able to share your experience and receive support! Keep up the good work! How do you feel?!

Thank you for keeping in touch, it's comforting to hear that you're hanging in there:)

 

[mrsmegan]

I just want to let you know how brave you are. I know that it can be hard to hear that sometimes, because it doesn't seem brave to want to cut, but really - to do what we do, to constantly live with trauma in our heads and want to hurt ourselves, and to say no - that is bad ass. It is.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Just had DBT and Abuse Therapist today, was upfront and open about my urges.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Gia1019 Today's session was even harder than the last one, the emotional pain is even worse. But I am happy with how it is going, were really into the guts of what was done to me and how it has screwed up my thinking, I kind of see it as a double edge sword, one side cuts the other heals. Sort of like you have to open a wound up so it can be cleaned, so it can heal. I know there is no other way, but to feel what I have not be able to feel for my whole like. It's like the pain and the emotions is seeping out, but I guess I would be in real trouble and for sure unsafe if it all came at me at once.

I know this is a length process, I don't think I am going to get beyond where I am right now in dealing with this for a long time, at least I am dealing with it safely and using my DBT skills.

 

[Muted]

You're doing awesome @recoveringfromptsd!! I can very much relate to the open wound feeling...it's sounds like you're really getting to the chore of some things. Talk about courageous!!

 

[mrsmegan]

way to go @recoveringfromptsd !!!!!!