Urgh, spiteful confession

[Punky143]

Fine. Just got back from seeing the T. She actually gave in and listened to the shit that comes from my mouth and acts like she cares and all. I told her right out I don't like her and reasons why. She knew very well what she was doing and I let her know too. Obviously I'm the pain in the ass parts and a pain in the ass 14 yr old.
Different part. I get so terrified when the above leaves and all of a sudden things are different, bright, loud, scary, and weird. And my T tries helping us feel better before we leave but inevitably everything that was heard in session is replayed and analyized over and over so we can see if we missed anything. My body aches so badly and my eyes are fuzzy too. This is when my little parts come out looking for comfort but never truly find it. Does anyone have it bad after session despite grounding techniques? It's quite awful at the moment and exhausting.

 

[FireSign8]

I once bought a bunch of stuffed animals to hug when I was having troubles with my then therapist. As I grew to feel better about myself, I also grew to dislike having those tiny phony little eyes staring at me & I took them all to the beach & left them sitting in the sand. Next day, they were gone! Alone again & happy I was & still am. I have no time to waste on therapist these days due to the simple fact that I'm just living my life one moment at a time & taking it as it comes.

I am not you & I cannot begin to know what you are feeling about yourself these days, but it seems very clear that your therapist is giving you the shakes. I have to wonder why you keep going back to a person who seems to upset you so much. A 14 year old "part" should not be thought of as a pain in the ass. In my opinion, all children need understanding & love. Have you ever tried just loving what you call your "pain in the ass parts", instead of always ragging on them? It is called reparenting yourself. Only you can do this.:hug:

 

[Punky143]

When I write I often am dissociating. My T is wonderful and together we've made progress. My angry parts though I'm learning, want to continue to lock awaybad thoughts and things from the past. We're just getting into trauma history. I am borderline so its always taken me a lot longer to learn and do things

 

[FireSign8]

When I write I often am dissociating. My T is wonderful and together we've made progress. My angry par...

This is the sole reason that I often have trouble when asked to write something fictional. I had so much therapy to deal with my childhood trauma & sexual abuse, that I decided I could not deal with it any longer & forced myself to live in the "here & now" & live each moment as it comes. That's just me.

I spent a lifetime of telling lies to cover the truth & keep the peace of family members in society who just were not worth it. I never purposely ruined their lives, but I stopped allowing them to ruin mine by ruling over my mind & forcing me into their mold of what I saw as "doomed behavior"! So, yes, I now remember the horrors of remembering & the mess it left me in! I healed, but it took a lot of work & self love in between the many broken relationships & suicide attempts I seemed to keep having in spite of my therapists! So never forget to stop & love yourself in the middle of the pain. Hug a tree & look up into the branches. It will help with the healing!

 

[whiteraven]

Fine. Just got back from seeing the T. She actually gave in and listened to the shit that comes from m...

Oh well, what does the 14 year old part like? When we get disoriented and one of our insiders gets "stuck" outside, it helps if s/he has something nearby that's comforting or has something in place - a familiar song, an activity (whistling, reciting a poem, etc...) - to do if it's scary. If we go out, we keep favorite stuff in the car for the ones who come out regularly. It hardly happens anymore, but we're prepared if it does...

 

[FireSign8]

Like any good survivalist - always try to be prepared! It helps to know what to do when a bear comes over to the tent at night. If you can't run - learn to hide! Come out when it feels safe. This is how I handle things of this nature.