Using Ptsd Against Me.

[Mr Man]

I have C-PTSD due to NPD parents, so my triggers are Narcisstic behaviour. My wife of 20 years stated she wanted to divorce, because she said she didn’t want to be my nurse or therapist.

When she told me around 6 months ago, I was still very ill and getting CBT for my C-PTSD. My wife said we should go to relate, and after 1 meeting I had somehow agreed to moving out, away from my 2 kids. My Therapist almost fell of her chair when I told her, and said it would not be good for my health. I’m glad I didn’t as I can just about walking in a straight line.

So over the months my wife does he usual stonewalling, then out of the blue a big lawyers letter telling me how things are going to be, and intimating I should not be living with my kids, because of the atmosphere. This triggered me, as it felt like Narcisstic manipulation, and lawyers are good at that. The kids don’t know about the separation and are happy.

But I was triggered, and I wanted to resolve this. I asked her to confirm her lawyers were aware of my illness and she refused, I asked her to e-mail stating what it is she wanted from the divorce because I didn’t know, she refused and I became quiet anxious and she kept stoking me up with provocation and then I noticed she was recording this. So now I feel I’ve been stitched up.

I rarely get angry, so I feel crest fallen that she can trigger me so easily. I now worry about talking with the kids, or with her. But I don’t know how to get through this divorce without communication. I have so many other stresses on me right now, I simply can not take this on top. I believe her intention is she wants the house, she doesn’t seam too bothered about child care, but she’s picked up that’s her bargaining chip. I feel defeated. Surely I can not be expected to sign divorce papers and sell houses whilst I’m not well. What protection do we have in such scenarios ? Up until this point, we’d been very curtious and OK, kids happily unaware. But she told them yesterday, I believe to give everything a sense of urgency.

 

[Friday]

I know with PTSD that time can go seriously sideways, but 6 months is actually a fairly long period of time.

It makes sense that your soon to be ex wife would tell the kids that you're divorcing 6 months into the divorce process, rather than simply springing it on them one day.

It also makes sense that if your STBXW said she wanted a divorce 6 months ago, and asked you to move out, and that you refused (actually once she took you to a neutral 3rd party it sounds like you agreed, then refused again once getting home?), that she would be ignoring you (stonewalling) as much as possible in the interim, still attempting to get you to move out, and that your continued refusal to come to any kind of terms with her would be met by "Fine. If you won't listen to me, maybe you'll listen to _________ (attorneys, police, etc.)."

Yes. Divorce absolutely sucks. It's hugely stressful, in many ways. My own was absolutely brutal, but hey, at least it matched the marriage! :wtf: But it's also the right of every married person (in free countries) to sue for divorce. Is your therapist actually helping you with this process? Nearly by definition, it almost never comes at a "good" time. As if things were going well? Divorce wouldn't be on the table! It seems like simply telling you divorce will be bad for your health -true, but not particularly helpful, unless they're helping to mitigate that- has only served to make things worse.

 

[Nikiler]

I went through the exact same thing with my partner! I'd ended the relationship,due to him being too wrapped up in his own life to realise (gym) to notice ,the mother of his child ,couldnt ,eat sleep ect ,during this time I became very slim and had began to withdraw ,we weren't married and our home is in his name ,he could of left me with nothing ,his solicitors advised him to leave her to the benefits system ,and told him how to pay me minimum child support ,luckily he did the honorable thing after us going to relate and it being explained to him ,I wasn't strong enough for these kinds of changes,it would brake me and affect our child ,so she taught us how to live in peace and to cause the least amount of upset too are little girl and give me the stability to heal ,so we'd be able to split up but in a healthy way ,if we decide to ,try another relate counsellor who understands ptsd!!!! you shouldn't have stress added to your problems !!good luck xx

 

[Justmehere]

Divorce is really difficult even in the best of circumstances. Losing a marriage of 20 years is huge. I'm glad you are already connected to a therapist - are you still working with them? If this kind of behavior triggers you, then one good thing about a divorce is that you will get space from your soon to be ex-wife and these triggers. It's still super hard and heart breaking. I lost a lot of people in my own life when I was first diagnosed and getting treatment for PTSD. It gets better. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 37868]

I have C-PTSD due to NPD parents, so my triggers are Narcisstic behaviour. My wife of 20 years stated sh...

It sounds rough, I've never been married but I remember my parents divorce, trust me your kids knew, unless they were literally infants. I know what it's like to lose support when you need it most, but my mom was in a similar situation as your wife I think, so I can see both perspectives I guess. Sometimes mental illness does need to be taken into consideration when it comes to child care, I know at certain points in time I could not have been relied upon to take care of kids, and my dad should not have been allowed to have custody ever. I'm not being cruel, just possibly your wife is worried about that?