General Vacation

[LuckiLee]

It was definitely better than the last trip we went on!! So yeah, we made some progress! Thanks for reminding me!!

 

[dulcia]

Can hypervigalance be a trigger? I know it's a symptom but I feel when he is in that mode for while and he can finally relax sometimes all hell breaks loose.

It seems like it's more of an 'addition to the stress up' type of thing as opposed to a trigger, so that the stress cup is more full which can then lead to being triggered more easily. Glad the trip went okay for the most part :)

 

[LuckiLee]

It's that time of year again. VACATION.

We have a few things planned. We're going to visit a friend he served with (he's also in J's therapy group) for a couple of days. He's on a big chunk of land near my sisters cabin. So we'll start there. He's on a river so we'll canoe and swim. He also has a gun range so J will (possibly) enjoy that. I'm not sure about that though. He hasn't held a gun in a long time. His friend recently had one of his legs amputated (combat related) so whatever he's up for...

Then we head to my sisters to spend a few days with my family. Boating. Fishing. Swimming. Eating. Drinking. And fireworks. We usually hang in the cabin during the fireworks. One year we sat and watched along the lake. He said it looked like war. The sounds. Smells. Lights. Explosions. Smoke. People yelling....i looked around and yep it looked like a battle scene.

No huge plans really. We're just gonna take it day by day. Moment by moment. I hope all goes well and we both have fun and can relax a little bit.

Fingers crossed!

 

[LuckiLee]

I read through this whole thread and I miss @Deadman!! I really hope he's ok!!
XO

 

[Sweetpea76]

If you're shooting, be aware of possible triggers. My vet loves shooting and gunsmithing. 99.9% of the time we enjoy it, and he finds it relaxing. He even taught me to shoot and was extremely patient while doing it.

HOWEVER

The day his friend got a new AK and took it to the range with us was not a good day. They were looking forward to breaking in a new gun. My vet himself even owns an AK, although he hasnt ever shot it. He's never had an issue on a shooting range before... but when he heard that AK being shot, it did him in. AKs are very popular with Iraqi insurgents. He had no idea it would bother him until it did. May be why he's subconsciously never wanted to take his own AK out.

 

[LuckiLee]

He might not want to shoot. Idk. He gave all his guns to his brother in law about 8 years ago. After a situation when he was on Ambien. (no one was hurt) Definitely not a good combo. Guns and Ambien. Thanks for the heads up!!

 

[LuckiLee]

We had the best time! The first three days we chilled at home. Fishing, swimming, BBQ 'n, packing for our trip.

The first two nights we stayed at his friends place. He has a beautiful place on a river. WOW! Absolutely gorgeous! (he sued the VA and freakin won, how bout that?!). However, he's in a really bad place mentally and physically. It was pretty ugly a few times. He never "came home". My heart breaks for him. He reeaally wanted to shoot with J. And J didn't want anything to do with it. He knew it would put him right "back in the sh*t". J handled it all pretty well. He had an episode on the last morning and handled it beautifully. More on that in a minute...

The next four nights we were with my family up at my sister and brother in laws cabin. About twenty of us. Dad. All my siblings. Their kids. A few of their friends. And my GREAT NEPHEW. He's two and a half and smart, funny and cute. He caught his first fish yesterday! :) We all had a relaxing fun time. My family loooves to party together. It's what we do. Luckily, we're happy drunks. We couldn't spend four days partying with J's family. Ever. All hell would break loose.

So on the drive home this morning we talked about how much fun we had. The weather couldn't have been better. Good people. Beautiful country. And he said he was glad we went to his friends place first. How it made him realize how he acted sometimes. Especially before treatment. And he doesn't want to get to that dark place again. And he was determined to leave there and have a great time. And enjoy his blessings. Yep. He said all of that. Music to my ears! So the best part of my trip was the drive home. (not really but it's high on the list!!) ;)

We're home. I took a nap. He grilled some ribs and corn while he was fishing. Now he's at his bro's for a visit. One of his sister's in town. And his Mom leaves tomorrow. I'm home gonna watch some boob tube and go to bed. Back to the grind tomorrow.

✌

 

[ladee]

Awesome vacation, and the icing on the cake, hubby saying what he did... looking in mirrors can, many times, be a good thing. Happy to hear you all had such a great time.. I think my family and J's are kin somehow, no way that many of us could get together and have fun !!!

Take your good memories back to the 'grind' and thank you for letting us know you had such a great time !!

 

[LuckiLee]

Yes @ladee looking in that mirror woke J up a little bit. He saw first hand how his friend's actions affect the people around him. And he wasn't impressed. He was pretty angry about it actually. I've seen J in (his) full blown PTSD episodes. And this guy.... 10 times worse. Not violent but delusional among other things. My heart hurts for him. He's extremely sad and there's nothing we can do to help him. Other than be there when he reaches out. I think J might want to distance himself from him though. I feel that it scared him to see his friend like that. The guy is a walking talking "trigger" for J. And what do we do with triggers?... We've decided next time we just visit for the day.

As for the families... J and I realize how different ours are so we accommodate each other. I talk to my dad daily and see him at least once a week. Talk to my sisters weekly even my nieces.... His family is scattered across the country. His mom comes and goes out of everyone's life. He never talks to his sisters. (you know? the ones he took all those beating's for when they were kids. yeah. them!!) one of his brothers lives directly across the street from us and the last time I saw him was about 10 days ago. (he's a hermit) The only one he sees on a regular basis is his twin. The angry alcoholic. And he barely likes him. It's a cluster f*ck!

So we hang with my family and our friends. And spend the occasional afternoon with his family. It is what it is.

Hope your feeling good and keeping cool today! XO

(wow, I'm chatty today.) LOL

 

[ladee]

What I feel is awesome tho, is J was at a place in his life, that he really saw the damage that can be done. And ya, he may have to distance because it's too triggering... just hope he continues to do well.. hugs for him.. he doesn't have to know I sent them.

And really happy to know the two of you have reached agreement on the family situations. At least you have a loving family for him to be a part of ... tho it probably made him way uncomfortable at first.. just too weird to see families close...

And glad you were 'chatty'... was good to hear from you !!! Gentle hugs to you and hubby.:hug::hug: