Other Vaginismus - treatment options/ outcome?

[DharmaGirl]

The practice has started suggesting it for birth and surgery trauma.

This is a good thing. I wish they would have done that in the past!

being forced to abort by parents and neurologist at 18

I am so sorry for your loss. That is a horrid abuse.

I think also that I had penetrative sex after abuse and rape, and that the Vaginismus is onset after both of these though related makes me feel it’s very possible and psychological - Much like ptsd, I think it’s in the mind and the body for me.

It is. I was abused at an early age, so I never knew sex without it. I had a fiance with a very large penis so it was really, really, hard to have sex. Hmm, I see what you mean about double-entendres. It left me a little battered down there.

The strength, love, commitment my husband has shown me in this time and his reassurance our marriage is not about sex

I had a non sexual relationship with a friend that turned to love. It was so much more because there was no sex, at least to me, since we loved each other without the physical release.

 

[Mee]

@Ellabella44 that sounds awful. And your prefacing your childhood experience with ‘only’ makes me feel tender to all of us. No ‘only’ about that.

Also, I had physio from a women’s physio too; excellent woman. I could take her internal exam the very first time! But following her instructions at home became stressful as it felt less medical and I started putting toward pressure to become sexually available. I also have flashbacks when that area is touched, ( only time I do now) even if it’s me touching alone, maybe even more impactful and prolonged ? So there is a difficult balance. Not involving dh so it’s not ‘sexual’ but also not triggering myself so much that I cannot .... come back to Earth ( um... from a bad place not a good place! ) after persistence.

I am still having flashbacks but they are getting less ‘lengthy’ less repeated during the time I set aside. Because it’s such a vulnerable emotional and physical area combined with the trigger of self touch it’s a real doozy to work through exposure. I don’t know how once I have succeeded in having desensitised to seeing this as a trigger and as pleasure gone wrong and by thinking of it as ‘medical touch’ if I am numbing out possibility of feeling erotic touch there? But i’m Trying not to jump five steps ahead in worry.

Personally I have coped with the STD exams / smear I had to have after ( physically not emotionally, emotionally was awful) but then could not physically accommodate anything at home. So what ever happens I know I can have medical treatment.

Women’s physios should really be a standard part of healthcare I think. Nurses can do smears and other things can be referred to ob/ gyns as required; But many more of us could use this speciality I didn’t know till two years ago existed.

What I know from my childhood/ early adult life experiences is that sexual trauma doesn’t mean sex can’t be enjoyable after sexual violation or threat. I think that’s a real beacon of hope for me and I hope for others. The personal downside of that is the pressure I put on myself about the incident/ person who ‘stole’ the hard won sense of safety, no that’s not right - courage... more courage- I had developed before.

It’s the second day but I am super tired as I have been out . I think this is a time I am going to apply my personal wisdom and say ‘no’ to the ‘intimate physio’

 

[Ellabella44]

@Mee I guess I say only because I know others have physically had worse things.

@DharmaGirl I was also rejected by my mother. " How can you do this to me" with her back turned after I told my parents I was pregnant. And made to be in the Sunday school day care with other women's children to make up for my sin. I've gone to a support group and put a seashell ornament on our tree. Anniversary is coming up. It gets easier after I did the group.

 

[Mee]

In my opinion... it’s not a competition. My childhood stuff didn’t cause the problems my objectively ‘least serious’ ( and in fact not criminal in most places) abuse did. The damage stuff causes isn’t just about what it is.... you can have a gun and not kill someone- or kill them with a biro . It depends on the people and the intent and the circumstances really.

I think the more we unite over consent the better. I see lots of hate keeping from people with 1st and second degree sexual assaults: but really, for ME, this was the least problematic- my heart l, mind and soul was left unharmed. The kind of mind play and lack of autonomy in my other adult scenario felt more like the feelings I had with child abuse than the more ‘serious’ crimes, Yet with more shame, because people - and I - think adults should know better. And children are more innocent. Shrug.

It’s never ‘just’.

Boy, girl, man. Woman ; Even no contact - that feeling of sexual vulnerability is pretty intense regardless of what happens. When ‘nothing happens’ the invalidation we get for being ‘over sensitive’ or even ‘vain’ is also pretty invalidating and can impair our sense of safety in the world. When Our naivety is shattered young, whether or not it’s in practice or through unsafely finding out, a somatic experiencing of discovering we aren’t safe, rather than learning with support and love in a safe environment, I think perhaps finding safety again is tough? I don’t know.

You classify it how suits you though. Mileage varies!

 

[Ellabella44]

I'm a "well there's worse things" about things that happened. I tend to downplay and save the compassion for someone else. My list of things that didn't happen is sexual assault and broken bones. I've been bruised knocked around and I'm still walking. Maybe because my mother lived on all the sympathy she could get and it made me sick.

 

[Mee]

I thought as it’s been some months I should update this .

I am able to take the small vibrator with no problem physically most of the time.

On one occasion during none PIV intimacy with DH I noticed I was lubricating. That was a good surprise.

I still cannot cope with PIV (or any ‘me focused’ intimacy without flashbacks. A couple of times I have worked through it -Once I redirected back to DH to change focus, ( a couple of times we have stopped)

I have now had twice something that feels like it ‘might have been ‘ an orgasm but not? As if I couldn’t feel it properly or as if there was a physical reaction but no sensation. It’s truly weird and unsettling and I have the weirdest feeling of being an observer to my body - yet - It doesn’t feel like any other disassociation I experience. I feel something is happening to my body - like - a spasm - but absolutely zero pleasure. It becomes very distancing from both myself and the intimacy. I have wondered if it’s a clitoral rather than vaginal orgasm or something like that. Shrug. It’s an entirely unsatisfying experience and puts me off. It makes me feel dead but not in a peaceful way, nor a petite morte way. Just — a sort of upside down paralysis I guess. My guess is however I have to work through it to experience a ‘normal’ sex life again.

My T has suggested she would like me to add in regularly scheduled masturbation now. I am extremely unsure and reluctant. There are additional trauma issues more relevant to my diary with this.

So my 4 month (?) update is that things ARE improving in measurable ways but I am definitely aware of a fairly, massive issue with what I am presuming is a type of disassociation with physical ‘impact’.

 

[Friday]

Well done, you.

 

[rightkindofme]

That's awesome! These things come in waves. I hope things continue to change for you in ways that aren't retraumatizing.

 

[Mee]

That's awesome! These things come in waves..

That bit made me giggle. I wish!


Thank you.

I think it goes to show that doing the work does help. I have missed days on the schedule . I just accept that and decide to let myself off.

I am also getting better at accepting the thoughts of ‘him’ that aren’t welcome and accepting I cannot stop them arising but I can just - ignore them- BUT- I also find if it’s too much I am better to stop. I do not care to associate any form of self touch with negativity and ESPECIALLY for me - gritting my teeth and bearing it seems contrary to my aim - fawning was problematic at the time. So I don’t have to fawn to myself / expectations/ an imposed schedule.

 

[The Albatross]

I flunked measures short of extraordinary. Though diagnosed with both psychological (trauma based) and physical vaginismus. Though I endeavored to do the requisite stuff like pelvic area exercises, the psych stuff and vaginal dilators. Nope. Near total block. There was at one time a specialist in New Hampshire but I could not (still can't) afford to private pay for vaginal stretching under anesthesia. In my case the psyche aspect alone couldn't overcome the physical debility. Not inclined to mortgage the house nor is my mister at this point. Pretty soon I'll be too old.

Glad to read of your progress.