Various Observations

[Whyteferret]

1. I must have a foul mouth. My autocorrect just defaulted to the word f*ck. I even write the word frequently never mind saying it. Oh, but a good swear word really expresses the anger and confusion so well. In such a short syllable.

2. It is hard to let anyone inside the defenses: I may want to address what is happening but actually saying some things or sharing my journal entries with my therapist is hard. I trust him. But I don't trust anyone, even him. Make sense?

3. If I show anything from my journal, it's heavily edited.
Trust again. I suppose there's been too much betrayal that I have trouble trusting even someone I trust.

Anyone else relate to this?

 

[Neverthesame]

#1 for sure. I don't f*cking know why but I can't damn think of a shitting sentence for the bitchly life of me, that doesn't include a goddamn swear or ten. f*ck me, I don't know why.

Oh well to hell with it. I think swearing is fanf*ckingtastic. <--- this one's in my autospell. But strangely autospell isn't.... wasn't, is now though. Yay!

For 2&3. Yup. People aren't trustworthy most of the time. Even when they are, it's usually only so long as it's convenient for them. f*ckers.

EDIT: Forgot to put a swear word at the end. Goddamnit.

 

[ladee]

I can totally agree with the F word... part of my vocabulary. Covers a lot of issues with that one word !
I still don't trust and have been at this for a long long time... but I feel more like it's me I don't trust as opposed to not trusting others... what's the worst that's going to happen with them... they hurt me. That's all they can do.
Me, on the other hand, I can destroy myself... no one else has the power to do that to me anymore. But me.. hmm, I can make my life unbearable. I don't trust that I could share something today without totally bursting into flames.. running for the rabbit hole and never coming back out. Ever.
I have shared everything and anything with T's thru the years.. with NA sponsors... I have no secrets. It's all out there... I don't even know if this makes sense... If I had to go back and share all that again... I just wouldn't, couldn't , shouldn't...
But I also don't have personal support anymore. Only here. I could come here and share. I know people here would understand. And I might feel like a freak, but I could do it... I could do it to save my life.
This has really given me something to think about... thanks for sharing this.. something I really need to look at.

 

[ladee]

Well @Neverthesame, you certainly jerked me right out of that dark place I was headed.... F*cking thank you for that...:hilarious::hilarious::hilarious::hilarious::hilarious::hilarious::hilarious:

 

[Whyteferret]

Well @Neverthesame, you certainly jerked me right out of that dark place I was headed....

I seem to have started a f*cking trend here.

@ladee @Neverthesame

 

[ladee]

:hilarious::hilarious::hilarious::hilarious::hilarious::hilarious::hilarious::hilarious::hilarious: :hug::hug:

 

[Riot]

@Neverthesame, your response made me laugh so f*cking hard. :hilarious:

 

[desiderata310]

Marked to come back at respond more when I'm on a computer. This is my struggle with my therapist.

 

[Changing4Best]

I used to swear like a sailor, in fact my husband of 23 years had been one, until he became a longshoreman at some point before I met him. Anyway, when I became a Christian, I quit swearing. It did not happen in a day or even in a week, and every once in awhile I still let one slip by me, but for the most part I don't any more.

As to trust, I don't trust men. Some women I don't trust either, and people in positions of authority I can respect, but I don't totally trust, especially if they are men. Sometimes I can trust a woman in a position of authority, but even there, I have been betrayed, so it ain't easy.