ED Venting about eating issues...

[crazy8]

As the title says, I just want to vent a little...

Using marijuana has helped me put on weight - I was 112lbs at 5'7" (I'm female)...underweight. I was back in my healthy weight range last week, at 121 lbs...but just 4 days without using marijuana has resulted in a 2 lb weight loss.

Today, I hardly ate anything - about 800 calories - and my stomach feels so bloated and upset that I think I may still be full tomorrow morning. A lot of this has to do with my psychosomatization: diarrhea, constipation, bloating, and painful cramping due to anxiety/PTSD.

I do struggle with some intermittent body image issues and disordered eating thoughts and behaviors (ex, occasionally feeling fat even though I am not, unable to focus on anything else but how full my stomach is after I eat, obsessively focusing on visible fat in the mirror)

Eating is just not fun anymore. A little food makes me sick - it's just not worth the effort to do very often. My T knows about these things.

 

[Loner]

Do you exercise? Are you active? If not, I suggest finding an active hobby that you enjoy, you will naturally push yourself to do more,and will workup more of an appetite, and quicken your metabolism.

I understand any kind of exercise can be very difficult if you are malnourished and stressed out, but I still feel it is a good suggestion.

Good luck. BTW that chocolate strawberry looks delicious!

 

[Loner]

Btw, I'm not sure if this helps at all, but I have no real issues with body image, am very active and eat a lot, and to me eating is often not 'fun' either its just a chore, but its part of being healthy so I do it.

 

[Abstract]

Hi, I know you have an eating disorder history so that changes what is advisable and what isn't. Exercise can be a tricky one and if you are undernourished can be dangerous and if the causes for you not eating are psychological and physiological and not metabolic then it won't help you eat at all.

I'm afraid that when it comes down to it it often has to come down to routine eating. That we have to eat so many times a day and so many different food groups and there are no ifs buts or maybes no matter how ill we feel or how much we don't want to. It might be worthwhile prioritising desensitisation and working through your distress on feeling full. I find that having the right foods regularly helps ward off the physiological reactions to stress a lot. Those of us with ED in our past or present can have a lot of long term digestive vulnerabilities too. Have you tried peppermint capsules and drinking enough water?

It's really hard though so vent away! :(

 

[crazy8]

That we have to eat so many times a day and so many different food groups and there are no ifs buts or maybes no matter how ill we feel or how much we don't want to.

Sigh, this is where my control issues come in. I want to be the one in control of my eating, not a "schedule" that I "have" to follow regardless of how I feel. Thanks for helping me see that, @Abstract. Please don't bother trying to convince me to "just do it," because it will be better for me to address in therapy. Thanks for your perspective.

 

[crazy8]

Thanks, @Loner, I think @Abstract hit the hammer on the nail here regarding the psychological component being more important.

I do also have stomach issues from both psychological stress and from past eating disorders.

 

[Abstract]

Don't you worry! ;) I shan't. I do sympathise as have been in your shoes.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I know what you're going through. Been there myself. I don't know if your T is specialized in eating disorders, but I think you could use some extra help with the eating thing.

Have you tried making your own food schedule, slowly building up to more calories? For example, you could add 100 calories to your daily consumption each week. You would still control what and when you eat, but work on a stronger body at the same time. (quitting the calorie counting is a good step for later.)

I believe in how body and mind are connected. If you find a (healthy!) way to restore your body, fighting mental disorders and body image issues will become easier.
Eating disorders are the strongest when the body is weak and I believe same goes for PTSD.

Also, starving ourselves confuses our body and makes it process any energy intake very slowly, so that it can help keep you alive. If you suddenly eat more than usual, your body has to get used to the extra energy. Until then you can get complaints like stomach cramps and diarrhoea. But they will pass and then you will be stronger than you've been in a very long time.

Hope you'll get out of this soon. PTSD already sucks on it's own.

 

[crazy8]

Hi @Snowwhite, as I told Abstract:

Please don't bother trying to convince me to "just do it," because it will be better for me to address in therapy.

I understand the science behind it and what you are saying; I conduct research on nutrition for a living.

Perhaps I should not have posted this "vent," because hearing people tell me what I "should" do is a PTSD trigger for me. Its a deeply engrained and very painful emotional response involving the need for autonomy and control.

I won't be responding to any more posts about telling me what I "should" do because I can't handle it. My therapist and I are working on this.

I apologize if my need for boundaries on this topic is offensive, I hadn't anticipated that this could be a trigger for me when I posted the thread. Thanks for your understanding.

EDIT was for a spelling error

 

[Loner]

Ya I think exercise is important for the psychological component too. Like I already said, I can't empathize with the body image stuff, but i know for myself I often eat a lot less, and have a lot less energy when i am depressed. Getting out and making myself do something active can be very hard when I haven't been eating or sleeping much but after I do I often feel much better, less depressed, and as a result, feel more motivated to eat and will sleep better. If nothing else, it is a symbolic stand I take to fight against my depression, and I think that is very important, and from what I know of eating disorders and ptsd, depression ties into them both.

Your mileage may vary. I'd say give it a try.

 

[Loner]

Wow, I am sorry receiving advice is a trigger. That must suck. I'm not trying to sound sarcastic, and am sorry if it comes off that way, just mean I'm sorry you have to deal with that, and even though thats not what this thread is about, I hope you find a way to manage it.

 

[crazy8]

EDITED: I originally wrote that I was going to ask a moderator to delete this thread, but it appears that that is not allowed so I have edited this post...

This thread is a constant trigger for me because individuals are continuing to tell me what I "should" be doing by giving unsolicited advice. I specifically said above that this is a PTSD trigger for me and causes painful flashbacks, but two posts now have been posted that specifically target this trigger.

It is insensitive, ignorant, and even can be interpreted as downright mean to continue acting in a way that triggers a PTSD sufferer when you know that you are triggering them.