Verbally Abusive Family Members

[Tanishq]

You can't solve a situation like this Jaret, you just have to learn how to not take on their stuff and how to avoid hearing all their negativity and rubbish.

Ms Spock, I don't know. but this saying from you helps me a lot. I did think it is their issue that they couldn't move on, made money as top priority in their life and it is their fault that they never decided to be kind people.

I fear giving her a word from me. She waits for a word to hear and then she would start bombarding advices. Just a word is enough to feed her. I have felt bad after conversations many times. I feel I did wrong by picking up her phone.

It gives me patience and hope that I can stay out of such mind gamers. It would have been lot different if I had T. Psychiatrists are very expensive in my city and I can't afford them even if I go there once.

I am feeling good and lots of stuff has been taken out here in this thread. I am feeling positive about this.

I do think Aunt needs some psychological treatment. She sounds sick.

Thank you so much Ms Spock. :)

 

[Tanishq]

My family never wanted to remember what happened in our family and they always wanted to use me as the scapegoat and definitely were committed to pretending none of it ever happened.

I am glad you got out it. I am sorry you were put up such difficulties by them. Most abusers and liars would do such coward act. Pretend to be forgotten or forget on purpose so they can win every time.

 

[ms spock]

Ms Spock, I don't know. but this saying from you helps me a lot. I did think it is their issue that they couldn't move on, made money as top priority in their life and it is their fault that they never decided to be kind people.

That is their choices Jaret, which is sad for them.

I fear giving her a word from me. She waits for a word to hear and then she would start bombarding advices. Just a word is enough to feed her. I have felt bad after conversations many times. I feel I did wrong by picking up her phone.

You have to give yourself a break here, Jaret, family obligation is something that is put into us as children. It can take along time to work that one out. (Just a little more than two decades for me Jaret)

It gives me patience and hope that I can stay out of such mind gamers. It would have been lot different if I had T.

You would have so much more space for healing if you didn't have to deal with such negativity and undermining all the time Jaret.

It does make a real difference having a T. I am very lucky I have a psychiatrist that bulk bills me. If you have a T you can get back up and support, ideas and strategies on how to deal with difficult and negative people. You can learn boundaries to keep them out of your life and your headspace.

Psychiatrists are very expensive in my city and I can't afford them even if I go there once.

Oh gosh that is tough Jaret. Not having support.

Can you join support group Jaret? You could even go to something like ARAFMI, I think it is, to get support with your mentally ill Aunt. Are there any PTSD support groups?

I do think Aunt needs some psychological treatment. She sounds sick.

That probably wasn't a good idea for me to suggest that you suggest to her that she gets psychological treatment (even though she obviously needs it) as it will probably make her angry and harsher with you. So now I think that is not a good idea.

Thank you so much Ms Spock. :)

You are welcome Jaret, please know you are certainly not alone in struggling with these types of situations. They are very hard. It takes a lot of practice and time to not take them on and to learn how to detach, not get involved and to protect yourself from the negativity.

 

[ms spock]

I am glad you got out it. I am sorry you were put up such difficulties by them. Most abusers and liars would do such coward act. Pretend to be forgotten or forget on purpose so they can win every time.

I had a fantasy in my head that one day they would tell the truth Jaret, but that wasn't going to happen. It took along time to let go of that fantasy. They were always playing mind games. Both my parents were quite sadistic, which was a shame for me.

 

[ms spock]

Anyway Jaret,

perhaps start a thread of your own about dealing with your family. That might be a good thing to do. This is Sydney550's thread and it might be good if you start another one so we don't hijack her thread (and it has been mainly me and not you) and also so you have all the stuff about dealing with your family in one place to access when needed.

Best wishes

 

[Shellbell]

Dear Jaret,

I am really glad you have so much insight into your family's abusive ways and I am so glad that you are so different to them.

You are like a shining light of goodness in your family. Someone who cares and isn't selfish, nasty, abusive, or manipulative like them.

You are very strong to deal with all the abuse. You clearly have huge amounts of patience and resilience to not let them control you with their mind games.

Keep being you Jaret, keep protecting yourself. I believe in you and your strength :hug:

 

[ms spock]

Shellbell is right Jaret,

you are doing really well to manage your family the way you do already.

 

[Tanishq]

Hi Ms Spock,

You have to give yourself a break here, Jaret, family obligation is something that is put into us as children. It can take along time to work that one out. (Just a little more than two decades for me Jaret)

I felt like that today. When you help me validating my feelings and their thoughts, traps and mindsets. I am feeling I am strong in that regard.

2 decades:eek: How are you right now Ms Spock? Yes, I am glad to hear that you have much needed support there. :)

Can you join support group Jaret? You could even go to something like ARAFMI, I think it is, to get support with your mentally ill Aunt. Are there any PTSD support groups?

No,We don't have any support groups. Though we have going domestic violence. It mainly happens with women, we don't have any system for this,too. It's cruel sometimes. These manipulators and abusers do whatever they want. I am glad I am very tech savvy, woke up. Started learning over internet for good things. I made good friends online and now I am here.

I keep trying. If there is any support group for ptsd or not. What I fear that what if people got freaked out or psychologist think that it is too much for them. They may say no for help.

Is having ptsd so bad?

I don't talk about ptsd even with some other friend I love. What if they got freaked or tensed. I don't like my friends being tensed or think to get away from me because of ptsd.

That probably wasn't a good idea for me to suggest that you suggest to her that she gets psychological treatment (even though she obviously needs it) as it will probably make her angry and harsher with you. So now I think that is not a good idea.

My brain shut down for this. Thank you. I didn't think that she will get more angry. In fact, she doesn't listen to anyone and she doesn't have feelings for others. I doubt. She has caused much hurt to others.

It takes a lot of practice and time to not take them on and to learn how to detach, not get involved and to protect yourself from the negativity.

Thank you letting me know this. :)

It took along time to let go of that fantasy. They were always playing mind games. Both my parents were quite sadistic, which was a shame for me.

Honestly, I am here trapped somewhere. But now I won't think get to know them more. Their life is based on lie. Ew, no honesty, no morale and also no good character.

Ms Spock it sounds you have done so much work and now you're out of it. Congratulations. You're an inspiration for me. :)

Ha, I got bit tensed over breaking forum rules. But didn't think that it will get sort out so fast.

Big Hug to you :hug:

 

[Tanishq]

Dear Shellbell.

Thank you so much for your comfort and kind words to me. You and Ms Spock really helped me to get away from this obsessive thoughts about abusive family members. I have been wondering from yesterday, how come it is getting away. My mind is getting clear and I am feeling to go ahead. I have been stuck in this for 20 years. It's a surprise to me.

I am really glad you have so much insight into your family's abusive ways and I am so glad that you are so different to them.

I felt from childhood that there is something wrong in our family. Especially this aunt and her family members.

I am feeling good right now. Almost like relieved to see I am on right path. Though I keep checking I am not lost or crazy or not.

Resilence and patience is about you Shellbell, I think are you seeing your reflection in me? Friend, that is cute. :)

If I have those, but feeling hard to see at myself. I am changing and becoming new.

Big hug :hug:

 

[Shellbell]

I think many of us who have abusive parents have similar strengths, like resilience. We have it, because we need it.

I know your situation is really hard Jaret, as you are living it every day. I am 41 now, and only just realising how abusive my parents are. You are much younger than me, but know now your parents are wrong, how and why. That shows how wise you are. You know not to trust them and not to conform to their views, or believe in them. You know you need to be different from them. And you are.

You are a very wise soul Jaret, you have great strength and wisdom. You are indeed on the right path, but I know it is hard for you and I and others are always here to help your through.

Big hugs back Jaret :hug:

 

[saffy]

I am 41 now, and only just realising how abusive my parents are

Hi Shellbell,
when I realised what mine were like it was very enlightening, I stopped blaming myself for their actions.

Jaret you are growing and rising day by day :)

I also think that people like our abusers like to keep you down, it is in their nature, they would loose all their strength and purpose if they had no affect on you any more ;)

Saffy :)

 

[Tanishq]

Hi Shellbell,

Your thoughts made me remind me something Alby(here forum friend). She shared somethings that you will arrive on this earth and you will be given body and tools. I think I am given brain, some extra sensitivity, ESP, bit lean towards psychic sensitivity, believe in spirituality and I don't know what there is within my body as we all have. My parents, other people who came in my life, past friends. They all tried to manipulate this side I am mentioning here. All deliberately went for manipulation, nastier tricks which hurt me so bad, leaving me after making promises and take advantage of my kindness and giver nature. They made me emotional and hearty when they wanted to take advantage.

Right now this is the thing which is helping me. Makes me wonder how come if it is damaged and that is the thing which is helping to become aware of bad people, stay away from it. I am being aware of whatever almighty gives us, no one can break it. Let alone trying to manipulate it completely. I am brainwashed little, feels like it will be recovered. But not sure how.

You are a very wise soul Jaret, you have great strength and wisdom.

I will be younger than you forever. No matter how big success I get. You are elder than me, I respect elders.

I am happy that you are aware of it, you are also walking with us on healing path.

I believe the world we live in, Universal Justice exists.

Big hug :hug: