View On Overly Positive Individuals

[Rainsong]

Hi all.

I was just wondering if anyone else feels rather distant to those that have super positive vi...

Overly positive people grinds my gears. I get grumpy around them.

In my experience they often have the mindset that everything will be fixed, everything will fall in place as long as they think positive, and when it doesn't happen they whine about it. Without lifting a finger to work hard to make something bad better, they believe the universe/God/something bigger will come along and fix it. Because "everything happens for a reason"and "it's part of a bigger plan", them working hard to achieve anything is missing. No, nothing happens for a reason, you don't always get what you want in the end, and wishing upon a star is meaningless. The minute something bad actually happens in their lives, they fall to the ground and asks why the universe is against them. They are of course powerless to do anything, other than blame themselves for not being able to think positive enough in a shitty situation. Does that help? No, doing something helps. Not denying the shitty things and working to overcome them helps, just sitting there trying desperately to bring a fake smile to your face, does not.

I think the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is bullshit. We have a similar one in Norwegian "av skade blir man klok", that translates into "damage makes you wise/strong". It's bullshit, damage only makes you hurt. It leaves scars, not wisdom. You make the best of it, but you don't automatically get to be a stronger, wiser, more accomplished human by being hurt.

I'm not saying this applies to all positive people in the world, I'm talking about the overly positive. Observing the small good things in a bad situation, making the best of what you have is not the same thing.

It's the "everything will be okay with positive thinking, regardless of what you do" that annoys me. It stops people from getting medical help with mental illness when they need it. It blames the people in knee deep shit for not being positive enough, and that if they just take a walk and stop thinking about the negative things, they will be okay.

I have had so many comments about my own illness, that if I just think positive, it will somehow magically disappear. I have had enough of people telling me to stop being negative, and to just let it go. Well if the situation is negative, a shitstorm of enormous proportions, I call it as I see it. I work my way through it, and if I feel negative in the process and that's perfectly fine. Stop telling me to feel positive about it.

There, that rant was needed.

 

[Deleted member 39333]

I feel exactly the same way. Part of me wants to kick them in the butt; part of me wants to say, "Everything happens for a reason? Let me tell you what happened to me." I always just walk away and get triggered, but yes, they piss me off. I refer to them as "good ship lollypop people."

 

[Sideways]

The more I read this thread, the more I actually feel a little bit grateful to the positive people in my life:bag:

It takes all kinds to make the world go round. If we were all "realists" (and I think that word is being used here rather loosely!:rolleyes:) the world woud be a pretty miserable place. Diversity of character is what makes humanity so interesting and positive people have their place, as do the truly negative people and everyone in between.

And sometimes, yeah, it's irritating when someone is living in their own BS reality of rainbows and bunny rabbits. But sometimes, when I'm down, or I've been overwhelmed by my past/present and the ongoing misery of my existence, it's helpful to have someone say something like, "Let it go". They aren't necessarily denying my reality, or tryin to push the positivity into my rigidly morbid life. They aren't necessarily naive, ignorant, stupid. Sometimes, they're just trying to offer a bit if relief from my misery.

Our past isn't going anywhere. I've got all the time in the world to be miserable about it. So, every now and then, it's good to have someone remind me to take a look around me, at the right here right now, and try and change my perspective. There is beauty, there are moments of happiness, but we can miss them if someone doesn't remind us to look for them.

All positive? Not realistic. All about the cold hard facts of reality? Far more depressing than it needs to be. Diversity of character, IMO, is a fantastic thing. Embrace it!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I agree @Ragdoll Circus, as long as "let it go" isnt all they say and are incapable to see my perspective.

I love cheerful people that make me laugh. But the ones that can only see rainbows and butterflies and its impossible for them to see anything bad, nope, can't handle that.

 

[Deleted member 39333]

But the ones that can only see rainbows and butterflies and its impossible for them to see anything bad, nope, can't handle that.

Don't forget puppies, kittens, and unicorns :)

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Yes, I would say they are lucky. Those who don't suffer adversity until later in life or those who hav...

Well spoken @Fadeaway. I agree. JJ

Don't forget puppies, kittens, and unicorns :)

and the leprechauns and the rainbows, and tinkerbell and, and LOL! @Lynn49. Love your post! Hoot! JJ

 

[Deleted member 541]

They suck!!!,

 

[Freedomfighter]

Hi all.

I was just wondering if anyone else feels rather distant to those that have super positive vi...

I am wondering about such things too, I too trusted anyone before I became a stalking victim. I loved people and simply trusted them to always do the right thing because I myself would do the right thing. But that changes instantly when you are violated. I see a lot of people who pretend they have that great world view. Some of them are on drugs, some of them do not want to admit that is not what they are really thinking and then there are the few lucky ones who have not had to face the ugliness of predators. Unfortunately I am facing the ugliness of predators every day as a stalking victim and have to fight these suckers off repeatedly. I have come to see people as for who they really are and that is a very long, arduous and very painful journey. Once you know how people really are there is no turning back. No turning back to the time when I thought that people are basically good. Nope, there is no more turning back from that.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Let's say that even if I still ended up with PTSD, if I hadn't gotten it until much later in life, I could have enjoyed doing things normal teens do. I would have made much different choices in my 20's.

@Fadeaway, thank you for writing this out. I am very very sorry that you feel this way. I had PTSD date back to my youngest years, but you remind me to be grateful for what I did have. I had a rough teenagehood but got it together through college and, while I was not known for my GPA or study skills, I accomplished a lot in that I met good people, had fun, taught myself a lot, and had some time to appreciate beauty in the world.

Later on, I experienced crushing educational debt alongside with crushing mental illness that wouldn't let go...I try to think that it was worth it, and I try hold those memories close. I am so, SO grateful I had those years and I can reminiscence on some things. But then I get on a couple years, I have no partner, no kids, am socially isolated... it is all about missing out on things.

I wish I had later 20's into life, time to settle a career, time to find a partner I wanted to stay with, and lament the lack of kids and other things that I missed out on. It is a difficult thing and I am sorry for you and anyone who looks back to suffering (as I cannot escape, either, a lot of the time).
I AM a pessimist and I STILL kick myself for things I did wrong, opportunities missed... I try to remember the good bits. Maybe I'll become less depressed, more able to enjoy life - I don't know. That's what I'm working on now - mid 30s and I feel impossibly old.

"And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."
- The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald, one of my favorite writers. It can fit into positive or negative moods. If I could just get onto an even keel....

And to answer the first question in this thread ... Yes, people who say "It's all part of a plan" or, "it makes you appreciate what you have" (Which, above, I TRY to appreciate what I have/had but it's damn struggle that certainly does NOT make me grateful for suffering!). Even worse "You wouldn't be given more than you can endure." I am not a fan of this idea.

***I have not read all of the posts here, and want to make it clear that I respect the religious beliefs of others.

 

[EmmaOwl]

My clutch went out last night. I am convinced after research the flywheel is out too which means I need to buy a new car.

You have me looking at the calendar. My clutch went out - I know it was the clutch because I am (unfortunately) familiar with the smell of a burnt-out clutch. Am waiting for the bill.... I'd be frustrated if my father said that, too.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I know it was the clutch because I am (unfortunately) familiar with the smell of a burnt-out clutch.

I put it into 1st at a stop light, a big BOOM, and the clutch never came back up from the floor.

They only sell it in kits. The flywheel was fine but had to be replaced anyway. $680 later.

See, it wasn't "just a pin"!

 

[Frenzy3674]

Hi all.

I was just wondering if anyone else feels rather distant to those that have super positive vi...

Overly positive people make me suspicious. I just think, "get back to me when life happens to you". Is that bad?