Sweetleaf
Diamond Member
I have one sibling - my older sister, about 5 years older than me.
My whole childhood, she bullied me, beat me, tripped me, hurt me, got me in trouble with my mom (a major abuser in my life, in many ways) etc. - she still treats me like shit, and is pretty much just like my mom but less explosive, more whiny pampered sheltered bitch.
She was the favored sibling, and she used her position against me.
She had no qualms about giving me physical injuries, no qualms about harassing me, shaming me, blaming me, putting me down, humiliating me. She still does, right alongside my mother.
Ugh. This made more memories surface. She sexually abused me, too. Just like all of the rest of them. f*****ck. I feel so disgusted. I didn't even know what it was she was doing, what it was we were doing, at the time. I only >just now< thought of it, and got the sickening realization of what it was.
The mixed feelings come in when I think about how she did receive some abuse too - and she's attached to my mom at the hip, practically. She's never lived on her own, she's only ever lived with my mom. My mom basically still controls her, in many ways. She's in her mid 30's and has never had a boyfriend, never did a lot of things people do in their youth. Clearly has been affected by the shitty raising, just in a different way than me.
She also wasn't nearly as abused, at least from what I remember. Was basically ignored by my father, who sexually abused me. I was stuck with him most of the time - my sister and mother were always off doing shit together. She wasn't hit like I was, she wasn't put down like I was, she wasn't viewed as this -thing- that would never amount to anything and just sucked. She was the golden child - all her accomplishments praised, always being complimented, and I was just this piece of trash.
I was viewed and treated as a thing. Like one of the many pets they didn't give a f*ck about, just, I wasn't starved to death or literally locked in a cage.
That said, as a kid, for a long time, I wasn't allowed to have a door to my bedroom. No privacy allowed, ever. She didn't get the same treatment.
My room was the storage room. Her room was 100% her space. She was the main child, I was just an afterthought.
Ugh I could go on and on.
But basically to sum it up. She was the favored child, I was the reject failure child who was neglected, ignored, abused, and nobody gave a f*ck about me or my feelings, needs, wants, opinions, thoughts, etc.
I was just a constant problem to them.
Though my father took on the "nice guy" role. That enabled him to do his own type of abuse.
Of course he was also a belligerent drunk and was physically abusive... yeah. He just didn't explode in anger at me constantly. So to little me, that was the safer choice. Ugh.
But yeah - it's taken longer than for my father or mother but... I think I'm starting to view her as an abusive figure in my life, despite us being siblings, despite her dealing with the same parents - things weren't the same for her as they were for me - and she helped make things much worse for me. So many things she did, that she would blame on me, and my mom just automatically believed her. And so much more.
I'm just rambling now.
Anyone relate? Any input?
My whole childhood, she bullied me, beat me, tripped me, hurt me, got me in trouble with my mom (a major abuser in my life, in many ways) etc. - she still treats me like shit, and is pretty much just like my mom but less explosive, more whiny pampered sheltered bitch.
She was the favored sibling, and she used her position against me.
She had no qualms about giving me physical injuries, no qualms about harassing me, shaming me, blaming me, putting me down, humiliating me. She still does, right alongside my mother.
Ugh. This made more memories surface. She sexually abused me, too. Just like all of the rest of them. f*****ck. I feel so disgusted. I didn't even know what it was she was doing, what it was we were doing, at the time. I only >just now< thought of it, and got the sickening realization of what it was.
The mixed feelings come in when I think about how she did receive some abuse too - and she's attached to my mom at the hip, practically. She's never lived on her own, she's only ever lived with my mom. My mom basically still controls her, in many ways. She's in her mid 30's and has never had a boyfriend, never did a lot of things people do in their youth. Clearly has been affected by the shitty raising, just in a different way than me.
She also wasn't nearly as abused, at least from what I remember. Was basically ignored by my father, who sexually abused me. I was stuck with him most of the time - my sister and mother were always off doing shit together. She wasn't hit like I was, she wasn't put down like I was, she wasn't viewed as this -thing- that would never amount to anything and just sucked. She was the golden child - all her accomplishments praised, always being complimented, and I was just this piece of trash.
I was viewed and treated as a thing. Like one of the many pets they didn't give a f*ck about, just, I wasn't starved to death or literally locked in a cage.
That said, as a kid, for a long time, I wasn't allowed to have a door to my bedroom. No privacy allowed, ever. She didn't get the same treatment.
My room was the storage room. Her room was 100% her space. She was the main child, I was just an afterthought.
Ugh I could go on and on.
But basically to sum it up. She was the favored child, I was the reject failure child who was neglected, ignored, abused, and nobody gave a f*ck about me or my feelings, needs, wants, opinions, thoughts, etc.
I was just a constant problem to them.
Though my father took on the "nice guy" role. That enabled him to do his own type of abuse.
Of course he was also a belligerent drunk and was physically abusive... yeah. He just didn't explode in anger at me constantly. So to little me, that was the safer choice. Ugh.
But yeah - it's taken longer than for my father or mother but... I think I'm starting to view her as an abusive figure in my life, despite us being siblings, despite her dealing with the same parents - things weren't the same for her as they were for me - and she helped make things much worse for me. So many things she did, that she would blame on me, and my mom just automatically believed her. And so much more.
I'm just rambling now.
Anyone relate? Any input?
