Emox, everyone has a dark side. You're not crazier than the doctor/therapist who is a voyeur. We all have our demons to face, and I think accepting yourself and your dark side will help you feel less crazy.
I will have to buy those books vst. "The Power of Now" helped me feel so much better in a way that I can't even explain. It made so much sense I thought: "How could I have not known this" I heard "Dark Nights of the Soul" is good for helping with these issues too.
Vera, I'm glad you feel better. I know these posts have helped me.
Peace
Tammy