Violent Repetitive Thoughts

[Miaoqing]

Hi everyone,

So lately I've been having these very self-violent intrusive thoughts that play over and over in my head and almost sound like someone telling me to hurt myself. I don't think they're auditory hallucinations; they're more like my own voice repeating very rapidly in my head until I act. Last night, I felt like someone was telling me to cut my wrists and kill myself, and it was the only thing I could focus on. My thoughts seemed cluttered and overlapping during these spells, and when I decided to try to write it out, my handwriting was very large and erratic. They don't seem completely like my regular intrusive thoughts, and they frighten me a little bit.

I'm not really sure what to make of these symptoms, and I was wondering if anyone else experiences these in relation to PTSD, or if they might be indicative of another disorder? I'm also going to bring it up with my therapist and psychiatrist when I see them later this week, but I was wondering if any of you have experience with these? It worries me a bit since my doctors have a working theory that I may be developing schizophrenia. :(

 

[GwenDR]

When I'm really upset, I'll sometimes start imagining doing a lot of awful and painful things to myself, over and over, whether just self harm, or suicidal actions. Banging my head against a wall till its a bloody pulp, ripping my skin off, shooting myself in the mouth, stuff like that. I don't know that it counts as intrusive or not, but it happens pretty often. Sometimes its brief, sometimes it goes on for what feels like an hour. In my case, it never manifests in a need or desire, just an intense feeling that's what I deserve.

My imagination is different from most peoples, though, and couldn't be confused with a hallucination in any circumstances whatsoever, so I don't have any ambiguity about whether or not it's just thoughts.

I've also not been diagnosed with PTSD and don't know if I qualify.

 

[TheMinsterman]

OCD (Pure-OCD) is typified by unwanted, upsetting intrusive thoughts, that is what I have, it could be worth reading up on that, it's quite possible you may have developed this alongside your PTSD, if you have a therapist or access to one it's worth investigating with them.

 

[GwenDR]

I have a pure obsessive friend, and it's possible my son is, as well, though his symptoms subsided after he was given anxiety medicine.