virtuous victimhood correlated with dark triad personality

Friday

Moderator
I mean really, what is the article saying? If you have been a victim, and you believe you are virtuous, you have this dark side?
Squares and rectangles.

One TYPE of people who meet the conditions dark triad have this Virtuous Victim mentality.

You know how rapists are broken down into types? Like Power Reassurance? That doesn’t mean that everyone who seeks reassurance is also a rapist.
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
Children start out with magical thinking and imagination. Reality is formed from shaping those initial schemes and imagos. Our fantasy life is rife with primordial impulses, wishes, and fears. These sometimes latch on to cultural icons and schemes, and can be shared en masse by similarly dispositioned people. But it cannot necessarily be quantified or measured exactly, nor can an exact reality correlate be found. There's interpretation and speculation involved.
These have all been good points, thank you. But to be honest I don't quite get what they're driving at in this article, or if now we are supposed to include developmental implications because that is a whole separate issue. But I don't relate to fantasy being my desired reality, therefore don't look for it, which may be wrong of me, I totally get. I can see someone as a 'hero' but it would be based on the here-and-now, and I have no inclination towards 'challlenging behaviours' or hot-and-cold. But again, I realize that is just 'me' and so I'll repectfully back out of the thread.

The only thing I really don't understand, is (also) contrasting an explanation of accepting other's negative viewpoint as due to a weak self, researchers like Gottman say the defining factor found across the board with physicallly abusive men is their seeming inability to accept influence, especially from women (i.e not accepting a different or negative viewpoint)- (?) . From that I would expect the opposite..

I think, @PreciousChild , your awareness of, but especially desire to be the best mom you can be will take you both very far. I hope you will enjoy the time you have now as much as you can too, because love, time, attention, attunement and encouragement and joy and laughter (not perfection) will take you and your child far, also. 🤗
 
Last edited:

PreciousChild

MyPTSD Pro
Thanks @Rosebud!

The only thing I really don't understand, is (also) contrasting an explanation of accepting other's negative viewpoint as due to a weak self, researchers like Gottman say the defining factor found across the board with physicallly abusive men is their seeming inability to accept influence, especially from women (i.e not accepting a different or negative viewpoint)- (?) .
I think this is what some psychologists mean when they say narcissism is "compensatory". They're trying to make up for something that they lack. That's interesting to frame it that way - unable to accept influence. I'm fond of a philosopher, Ricoeur, who thinks self-identity is based on oneself and others. One is only a co-author in her story. Part of that means opening oneself up to the other, and in that way makes you vulnerable and gives the other power over you. He thought that this vulnerability is what makes us human, but the narcissist tries to harden himself from that. As scary as it is, I do think that it's human nature to trust and be open to others. Obviously, we have to recognize when that is not safe or smart.
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
@PreciousChild your explanation makes more sense to me than the article. I don't know much but I do think I heard it's common for eg, a parent with narcicism to adopt their child's accomplishments as 'their' own, and the 'failures' the same. 🙁

But in some ways, too, that just says to me it all goes back to 'me', that is anything and virtually everything is seen through the eyes of 'me', even if it has nothing to do with, or the emphasis shouldn't be predominantly on themself but instead on someone else: someone else's pain, or accomplishments, or illness, or likes or dislikes, or dreams,, or needs, or whatever, at least in that moment. I remember at my mom's funeral, one relative (25 years younger and well, though my mom was not old) saying, "Who's going to bury ME??!!" (😳) We were a few hours from starting the funeral. Or similarly, she was going to loan my mom a dress when my dad died (he was younger still, and my mom had little, spending nothing on herself, but she had much. She decided the morning of the funeral she wanted to wear it, leaving my mom with nothing. In her defense (or other's words?) she relented, but does one really need that before a funeral, let alone of the love of their life and partner/ best friend/ father of their kids, and who died without warning?)

I'm not sure beyond childhood if trust is innate- I kind of feel it's the opposite. But then again, most people and us have so much scar tissue I can't even begin to understand why others do or think what they do, or even what they think. I've plenty to contend with coming from my own self. 🙁😛 And I don't like bringing up other's faults, or when they can't say their perception/ their side of their perceived story. But honestly, the whole thing and all the other same kinds of examples and far more, just make me want to run for the hills, honestly. The last thing she said to me a week ago (amidst a bunch of unsolicited insults, prior to posting a memorial video for our sister which included her boyfriend my sister despised was that she had no picture of me and it was like I didn't exist, with several "!" after it. But despite having more money than some small communities she never visited me once in the last 25 years (I've seen her twice in the last 34 years) , or acknowledged I existed. Which may explain it, lol. 🙄 Can't say it did much for my trust or self-worth, that's for sure. But just as equally, I have zero interestin dwelling on past, old crap or cycling through listening to everything wrong and disgusting with me.Take a ticket and get in line, is what I think.
 
Last edited:

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
ETA, sorry to drone on, missed the edit. Just meant to add, it's like flogging a dead horse, and certainly makes it harder for me to try to remember anything she did that was kindly, Though I actually do try to remember such things. Sad, really.
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
ETA, (for me) I find all this kind of stuff/ interaction just breaks me down, I don't want it. It becomes boring; trying; hurts my soul and mind and heart. I'd prefer no part of it, never did, actually.

Though even the thought of it makes me cry, oddly. 😟😔
 

PreciousChild

MyPTSD Pro
I remember at my mom's funeral, one relative (25 years younger and well, though my mom was not old) saying, "Who's going to bury ME??!!" (😳)
Wow, how insensitive. I remember some of what I was thinking during my 20s when I thought I was going down the narcissistic path. There was a huge disconnect from my experience and the other's experience. Mine was important and real - the other's was 2 dimensional and lacked reality.

I'm not sure beyond childhood if trust is innate- I kind of feel it's the opposite.

Can't say it did much for my trust or self-worth, that's for sure. But just as equally, I have zero interestin dwelling on past, old crap or cycling through listening to everything wrong and disgusting with me.Take a ticket and get in line, is what I think.
I definitely agree with you that it would be unwise to trust in that situation. I think part of the tragedy of cptsd is that it erodes and corrupts fundamental capacities for love and trust that in a just world we should be entitled to. I've wondered a lot about whether those things can be restored. If I don't eat, I perish. If I don't get love, a strong need in and of itself, does something in me die? Does my capacity get destroyed beyond repair? I think that as a 50 year old, I can say that no, love and trust do not die, and they can be restored. But how am I supposed to know how it feels like? How am I supposed to know how to do that? Do I even want that? How do I acquire something I never had a true experience of? It's been a lot of fumbling, awkwardness, and feeling stupid. But I think that trust and love are worthwhile goals.
 

Similar threads

Top