Vulnerability: how do you do it?

[EveHarrington]

although I still don’t see the point in relationships. I don’t WANT someone breathing clos...

Because the good ones make it worth the risk.

 

[UnicornSightings]

Fearing vulnerability is just another form of lack of trust I think. Or is for me. Definitely have this...

You know, I think for me I like the intrigue. I like people not actually knowing me and left to wonder. And it feels like a gift to give to someone, letting them in on my life and how I think, you know? I certainly wouldn’t give that readily. And I guess I feel like holding out on giving people information about me might make them think there’s more to me than there is. Now, I’ve done a lot of work on myself and I’m really proud and I think I’m fun and funny and that I like awesome things but maybe what’s awesome to me isn’t to others. And everyone has their own perspective and is gonna think certain things about you no matter what. No one will ever truly know anyone because we all see through our own lenses, whether they are trauma lenses or just a unique upbringing lens. So beingn vulnerable to anyone doesn’t mean they see you. It means maybe they see slightly more but definitely not all of you. I went off on a bit of a tangeant but that’s true.

 

[Scarlet13]

So, I think the best steps to take in being vulnerable with your T is just with baby steps.
Treat it like exposure therapy in increments.
I like to use DBT combined with Brene Brown.
She says the antidote to shame is vulnerability. So then think about the DBT page on shame. Notice when you feel shame. Is it justified? So like when your T asks you a question and you want to laugh, be light and change the topic, then is there shame there do you think? If so, and it is not justified, then choose vulnerability. I choose vulnerability deliberately to disarm shame. I don't just choose vulnerability to be more connected, that would feel overwhelming, though vulnerability aids in that.
For my vulnerable choices I follow the DBT opposite action to shame. Do what causes you shame over and over. So that would be sharing in certain topics in therapy. Taking risks.
Remember, the opposite action risks can lead to joy.

 

[ms spock]

Understand totally the whole letting people see you issue. Even hard for me online.

This>>

 

[ms spock]

You are a bit advanced for me @Scarlet13, but it sounds possible.

 

[ms spock]

I am reading Brene Brown's book Braving the Wilderness The Quest for True Belonging and the courage to stand alone. I have read the first chapter. Which of her books have you all read of hers? I like her TED talks. What ones mean the most to you?

 

[UnicornSightings]

I am reading Brene Brown's book Braving the Wilderness The Quest for True Belonging and the...

She has an online course! I’ve taken it! Well, I did half of it. Ok, I did like 1/8th of it. It was cool, though! I love her shame talks. I have a couple of her books but haven’t read them yet (I have a ton of books). I emailed my t and said I want to work on vulnerability and he’s all on board and had some ideas to let defenses in and sit with them and feel the discomfort until it eases up before going deeper. Geez, I’m really freaken glad I chose him over the trauma t. He’s really good for me.

 

[MyWillow]

Brene Brown is amazing. I watched the TED talks. I read the books. I thought I got it. Then I started therapy. I really had no freaking idea. She's way above my pay scale right now. Completely out of my league. Maybe I'll revisit once I can make it through therapy without dissociating when my T talks about how valued I am at work...*sigh*

 

[ms spock]

Way about my pay grade as well @MyWillow, as have many activities when I began them, but with thinking about it all a little each day and breaking it all down to teeny, tiny baby steps means I am ever so slowly on my journey, but I am on the journey.

 

[Hollandi]

Ok, so with my last t of 2 and a half years I had lots of defensiveness and avoidance. After a...

I can't see how these things help you?