Vulnerability Is Not Weakness

[Tinyflame]

The positive @Chitoshi ? Genuineness.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think in order to have a deep and meaningful relationship one needs to show their vulnerable side.

True? False?

This is the "positive" side of vulnerability that I see.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think so @EveHarrington . It's being yourself.

 

[watundah]

Opening your heart to true connection is the ultimate vulnerability, and scary as hell. I have had glimpses and as amazing and deep and rich as it is, it feels like giving up my protection, my safe place, my wall. The best part is when it has positive outcome and you aren't crushed.

 

[LanaD]

I do not agree that being vulnerable is positively corelated with being able to ask for help. I am vulne...

I think you're thinking of a black and white, literal definition of vulnerability. I did the same when I started therapy, thinking, "How in the world does my T expect me to be vulnerable when ALL I feel is vulnerable (post sexual assault)?!" What is meant by "showing vulnerability" is opening ourselves up for connection and not making ourselves helpless. If you watch Dr. Brown's speeches you'll see she mentions examples from her Twitter followers such as: initiating sex with my partner and asking my newly wed husband for help when I'm sick.

We don't have to go asking every single person we meet for help but the act of asking for help IS showing vulnerability because we're taking a risk, which is what it boils down to - in fact, I think Dr. Brown says that vulnerability is taking emotional risk, which I can now totally understand.

watundah says, "Opening your heart to true connection is the ultimate vulnerability, and scary as hell." I now have experienced that, which is what my post is about, and it is indeed scary as hell. I took an emotional risk with a man and you know what, I got hurt, but at the same time I feel great freedom in opening myself up because I normally can't do that. The thing to remember is that when we open ourselves up we can't choose which feelings to let in: we open the door for good things but bad things also come in, but we need to learn how to deal with the bad things. I'd think ultimately that is what all of us sufferers want/need to learn.

 

[LanaD]

Opening your heart to true connection is the ultimate vulnerability, and scary as hell. I have had gli...

I just experience it myself and it's wonderful and horrible, and I think necessary for happiness :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes sorry I am not a Brene Brown fan. There was a thread on here about some of her work, about a 50-50 split related/ didn't relate. If memory serves me correctly (& it surely may not! :) ) some found her more helpful for trauma or life in general, less so for ptsd.

The main thing is it helps you, & you feel better about it. :tup:

I must say though, I don't equate the lack of vulnerability with helplessness; for example, the newlywed asking her H for help sick- to me that is helpless. But that's just me.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @LanaD I came back just because I feared my reply sounded harsh & did not want to discourage you, thinking about it & to explain what I meant. (Not that I think it would, just that to say if it is working for you, that is excellent.)

I think you're thinking of a black and white, literal definition of vulnerability. I did the same when I started therapy, thinking, "How in the world does my T expect me to be vulnerable when ALL I feel is vulnerable (post sexual assault)?!" What is meant by "showing vulnerability" is opening ourselves up for connection and not making ourselves helpless.

I do take the term 'vulnerability' as a defined one, & I suppose we all have some definition or connotation of it, individual to each one of us.

I think, though, because of all different factors- histories/ experiences/ beliefs/ age/ length of time with ptsd (etc etc) some Brene's suggestions may be viewed one way by one person, another way by another. For example, I would never open up to a person like that that I have not trusted or seen the reactions of for years. Not because of not showing vulnerability (well, perhaps partly), but rather because someone having that info could cause me much grief, or complications. I also know I would feel worse if they don't "get it", at all. Knowing myself. It's my story (too), what right do they have to know? It might not mean much at all to them, or they may not have any compassion, even if it's caused me much pain & ptsd.

Similarly (just for myself), sexual assault, well, after a while or attempted rapes etc, I find it gets categorized as Worst-Not as bad- why make anything of it? The longer I've lived/ more 'junk' that's occurred, I expect the risk of some things happening.. Or other things were worse.

Also, (JMHO of course), but I think it's less common to find 'ptsd' & 'twitter feed' in the same sentence. I think it's bourne out here, that many people with ptsd do not readily self-disclose. Many people are familiar (at best, & even then frequently incorrectly) with say, depression. But depression & anxiety, though they come frequently with the ptsd-territory, are very different within the realm of ptsd.

I relte to @watundah . But if it works out positively, (even without disclosing ptsd proper) those experiences are rare. But I don't hve to 'say it' for the sake of saying it (myself).

Sorry for the novel. :( I am probably older than you-?/ different experiences.

Best wishes on your healing journey. :hug:

ETA, I live very vulnerably, & 'showing vulnerability' (not entirely by choice). One has to be careful. As with our characters, everyone will recognize it, only a few will value it.

:hug:

 

[Friday]

vulnerability is not weakness

I'd have to very much disagree, here. Vulnerability is the definition of weakness.

Choosing to trust someone to not to go after or take advantage your vulnerabilities? To me, that's a very different thing. Acknowledging the fact that sometimes we're just plain wrong in who we trust? Also a different thing.

 

[Rani G2]

I find some definitions about characteristic traits difficult to detangle. Mostly subjective, in relation to social/family context.

I find junebug's sentence: I live very vulnerably, & 'showing vulnerability' (not entirely by choice). One has to be careful. As with our characters, everyone will recognize it, only a few will value it.
This is how I see it too.

 

[The Albatross]

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/02/17/the-good-kind-of-vulnerability/

 

[The Albatross]

“Vulnerability really means to be strong and secure enough within yourself that you are able to walk outside without your armor on. You are able to show up in life as just you. That is genuine strength and courage. Armor may look tough, but all it does is mask insecurity and fear.”
― Alaric Hutchinson, Living Peace