Walk Out In Front Of A Car

[Liam]

Sometimes I don't want to outright hurt myself, but I get thoughts like "I hope one of these cars hit me" or if I see a crazy person some part of me wants them to stab be...

I know these thoughts aren't unhealthy, but I don't know how to stop them. It also leads to me actually wanting to do harm sometimes, and I've made a lot of progress in not doing that.
Frustrated.

 

[MurphyJB]

Hey Liam.
First, welcome to the forum.
I am a suporter on this site, but i also struggle with self harming behaviors.
I have thoughts similar to yours almost everyday. "what if I just ran off the road...What if I just pulled in front of that truck...no one would ever know it was on purpose..."
You're not alone.

 

[Heather]

Absolutely. You are not alone. I have those thoughts running through my head all the time. The what ifs....

 

[ronin47]

It is an odd sort of impulse that many of us experience. I self injured for four years and even though I didn't have suicidal feelings, I got a strange desire to cut my wrist. To this day I have no idea where it came from. My best advice is to redirect the impulse somehow instead of trying to contain it. For instance, walk into a road when there are NOT any cars at all around and stand there for a moment. Take a knife and stab something else like a plastic bottle.

On a side note, my brother's name is also Liam and he's the same age as you. Your birthday's only about a month later than his. My heart kind of skipped a beat at first when I saw that you had the same name and age.

 

[Liam]

Aw, don't worry Ron, unless your name is Kathy I'm probably not your brother. Heh.
Thanks for your words, It makes me feel less crazy...
I tend to not do these things, but something in the back of my mind wants me to, and its scary. And like I said it leads to actually wanting to do smaller things, like burning or cutting. It's like my brain hates me.

 

[Froggie]

Hi Liam, I've also dealt with those thoughts, almost came close to doing it + being interned because I was getting dangerous for myself. Then I realized, if I did go ahead with that, then the real victimes wouldn't have the witness to what they went through. I have to live, to be able to tell their story and stand by those kids who are caught in human sex traffic. I will live to tell the world that the were a whole pile of adults that tried to cover up this reality and that it is true. I've read so many members' stories here that ... I have to live.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Liam
As others have already said. You are definately not alone with this.
I have even hope for a plane I was traveling in to crash. How sick is that? No thought for the hundreds of other passengers. Fortunately just hoping for something does not make it happen!

But the good thing is these thoughts and ideas do pass. They do not stay forever, and you will be able to look back on them and be so glad that you no longer feel like that and that you did not act on them.

Best wishes, and take care
Lucy x

 

[Srain]

Welcome Liam :)

As you can see you are far from alone and you certainly in the right place. So glad you found this site!
I, too, have live with these thoughts a very long time. The redirection is really the best and most effective way to manage them. It takes practice and not being hard on yourself if it doesn't happen overnight. All of this is a process. The more you try the easier it get and some days are easier than others.

Peace,
Rain

 

[anni]

'Make me feel less crazy'. You may have put your finger on why I log in every day-there's a thread at the moment which got me thinking 'why'. Being around others who have some of the same stuff and feel safe saying so- just helpful, isn't it? The actual question you asked is scary, I know. You've gotten responses which tell you it's as 'normal' as anything else with this stupid thing, although I do wonder if the people walking around without PTSD sometimes have the same impulses, you know? We're just hyper aware of ours, and worry about them for obvious reasons.

My T has an agreement with me that I'll tell him if one of these seems 'real', as in knee-jerk enough to bypass thought- we've tried to build a knee-jerk reaction where I'll pick up a phone then also. I think it's worked, that the connection has been made in my head-the circuit is wired there. I personally require myself to wake up, ground a whole, whole lot, notice the world around me down to the dam cells in the grass so I stop the loop which includes my funeral. That's the redirecting the others are speaking of I know.

Welcome to the forum. I'd seen this thread a little while ago but wasn't focused enough to reply. I did just wish to let you know you're not at all alone with this, but you've discovered that already. :)

Take care,

Anni

 

[Vcircle]

Hi Liam and welcome.

I am another person here who has the same feelings and thoughts as you. I don't know how to turn them off - I try and distract myself and wait for time to pass. I can be very impulsive and especially dangerous when I have been drinking - so I need to be more careful. I want a pill that makes me HAPPY really quickly so I don't have to fix myself the slow way. Life gets too hard sometimes.

 

[mamachick]

Welcome Liam
I have not had those thoughts for a couple of years but had them regularly for a couple of years. I am very afraid of going back there and experiencing those thoughts again. I think a change in medication is what helped me the most. After the switch, I have worked on changing my thinking to find more positives in my life. That has been very difficult since the odds still feel against me. Some basics have not changed-I feel trapped, like a hostage at times, without choices, destine to nothing positive, have dreams that have died, etc. There often feels like there is no good solution to things. I am trying to remind myself of the options I do have and believe that I can survive with one of them. That can be very difficult because I feel weaker emotionally and physically, so everything feels so challenging.

If and when those feeling are absent (even for a day or week), I think we have to seize the opportunity to find a way to prevent their return. Im not sure how to master that task but gotta keep trying. Thanks for sharing and you are not alone.