Walking Into Danger

[darrenS]

Does anyone here walk into danger without realizing , i recently did and its has enormous ramifications, i find myself battling with it, im deeply embarrassed to the point i cannot really share it with anyone, and yet its ongoing with the perpetrator regularly hassling me, he has tried to build a friendship after ripping me off , and he is very dangerous , so rather than confront him and tell him to go away, i find myself playing it softly and carefully knowing that eventually he will move away or get caught and be locked up for something. The stress is killing me and a few times he has tried to draw me into his web of using dope etc. I am trying my hardest to maintain a sense of sanity and calm, i have no close friends here and it just becomes a constant cycle of turmoil trying to keep things in a straight line so to speak, my body has been shaking because of anxiety and fear and i feel myself slowly descend but i express it hear in the hope that just throwing it out there , will allow me some reprieve.

 

[Suzetig]

All the time, I have a fairly skewed idea of what is and isn't ok in the way people treat me and more than once have walked into really awful situations. Personal safety isn't my strong suit at all and I've also tolerated fairly abusive relationships at work rather than challenge behaviours or remove myself - its something I'm working on in therapy but its hard to set appropriate boundaries with other people when your boundaries haven't been respected or honoured.

 

[darrenS]

yes i understand, i tend to have problems settings boundaries , but am still working on it , amazingly i have managed to keep this person at bay , because i have used very careful boundaries, but it becomes tiresome and its like a game of chess . I am dealing with seriously violent individual and i just cant wait for it to stop - why i even let this guy near me in the first place is beyond my own comprehension and the thing im working on the most, but it has left me in a near constant state of hypervigilance

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

I'm the opposite, I won't let anyone in because I don't trust anyone so I keep my distance . Too much in the past that destroyed me.
I am a little concerened that this person is making you feel this way, I would try and detach yourself before it goes too far and he does you some serious harm. I know it's easier said than done but please try and get help , this person sounds really horrible , don't let him ruin your life, it will only get worse unless you do something about it. Do you have any family members you can speak to ? Or anyone at all who may be able to help? I hope it works out for you.

 

[jmni]

You didn't directly say so, but apparently you hate this person. If you have to tell yourself someone else will get him, you must want some revenge. I have to point out there may be no possible way to win with this person. That is not to say that you shouldn't have your revenge, but why put yourself at risk if there is no reward. And if he's shady and crooked you should not associate with him. Now that he's proven that he'll screw you over, you can even tell him that you aren't associating with him since he ripped you off. I hope I dont want to sound mean, but if you hate someone so much that you would put up with someone you dislike because you want to get them, you are actually making yourself crazy and might be feasibly "nuts" already. I use to feel this way as if on one hand I was hearing a pleading no but then another feeling or voice that egged me on. In my case, I think I wanted to prove to myself that I was right which I know call "right-fighting." Perhaps you have some underlying reason as well. (I don't know if you're a male or female.) But this person is not your boyfriend/girlfriend. You have no reason to go through this much emotional upheaval for someone that you aren't even in a relationship with. And besides that he sounds like a nasty crooked druggy and someone you should want nothing to do with in general.

It sounds scary that he is so manipulative he could lure you at this point. "Controlling People ..." by Evans helped me to understand this kind of person better. If he is that much of a creep, you can't associate with him. Maybe just change your number, block him, and act like you don't care in general