Supporter Wanting The Best For My Vet

[Dallas]

which lasted the entire, exhausting, weekend

:O_o:

:stop: It doesn't have to last all weekend. After five minutes, I think it would have been ok to say---"Um, sorry, I don't like the way you're talking to me. I need a break. I'm going (shopping, to my moms, to the movies, to the grocery store, insert here) . We can talk about it when I get back, if you're feeling better. If not, I can come back (tomorrow, next weekend, monday night, insert here) when you're feeling better.

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I really do need to learn some coping mechanisms that are good for both of us, whether it be removing myself from the situation, or standing up for myself in a positive way.

 

[James Burt]

Sweetpea, I am a sufferer. I like to give advice to supporters when I can. This is just a suggestion, but I would ask him prior to a lashing out, what it is he wants you to do in a situation like that. If he's getting help he should be talking through establishing his coping mechanisms. If he is, it is important for you to learn them so that you can sync up with him. Find out his triggers, to avoid and help him avoid them. Ask him to talk about whatever he feels comfortable about. Never try and make it about you. If he's talking through it, just let him. If you give feedback don't try and say what you would have done. If you can relate to him, don't overshadow what he's talked about. I could go on, but I'll stop here. Hope this helped

 

[discarded]

Great advice James, wish I had known that 7 years ago. Also wish my sufferer would get treatment so that we might have been able to communicate. Good luck Sweetpea, my thoughts are with you.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Thanks guys! I will take your advice James... I have heard him talking about coping mechanisms and strategies that he uses, but I have never asked him what they were because I didn't want to be intrusive. Maybe I can bring that up now that things have calmed down and see if he is willing to share. We have just been texting since this weekend, instead of talking or seeing each other, in order to work things out. I think it is a 'space' thing for him, and a way to double check what he says. He has also mentioned something about me going with him to talk to his psychiatrist when he is ready.

 

[James Burt]

It may be a space thing. Depending on the type of therapy, it can be pretty difficult and leave you really drained, yet on edge. I had prolonged exposure, which basically means facing the event(s) head on. So walking out of therapy you are nothing but emotions. Since we are guys though that usually manifests as anger, because we understand anger. I'd also hope he is talking to or has access to others that are suffering. It is by far the BEST therapy there is.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I don't think he has much contact with other combat PTSD sufferers right now. I know when he first ETSed he actually went into an inpatient program with a bunch of other vets, but he isn't in any other kind of group therapy or support group. He does hang out at the VFW when he gets out, and I know he has friends there. I don't know if any of them suffer as well. I don't know any of his buddies there because I usually give him his space and have some alone time when he goes there.