Wanting To Talk About It...but Not Knowing What To Say...?!

[barefoot]

Thanks @NightSky - good question! Yes, when I think about saying "I don't want to talk about x - I want to talk about y" I think it is shame that comes up for me. And I wasn't really aware of/expecting that, so thank you for asking that question!

I find myself waiting for her to ask a question or bring something up because, like you, I'm generally ok to then answer. But it's like I need her to prod me so that I can say things.

So, sometimes we might agree at the end of a session to do/talk about whatever next time. So, I go next time with that in mind, expecting to do or talk about that. Then she doesn't bring it up. And I'm waiting for her to bring it up and willing her to bring it up. And she doesn't. And I just don't feel like I can, even though that's what I'm expecting and wanting to do - and I might even have done quite a lot of prep for that thing and put a lot of thought into it. And then it doesn't happen because she doesn't mention it and so neither do I. Because, yes, it feels shameful somehow and I don't know why it feels that way.

And then I feel ashamed for even having the expectation/desire for her to bring it up...almost as if the fact that she hasn't brought it up means that she has decided that it didn't matter. So, if I think it does matter...that's embarrassing...

And then I will just follow her lead talking about stuff I don't need to talk about it...because it somehow feels that as she has brought it up, it must be what she thinks we should talk about and what she thinks is important. Even though I know that she will sometimes just mention something to get us chatting and to help me warm up, so she doesn't intend us to spend long talking about it.

I don't know why I feel and act this way with her. She isn't intimidating. She doesn't tell me what we should talk about. If I went in and said "I really wan to talk about x today" she would think that was great and that's what we'd do.

 

[Rumors]

Thanks @NightSky - good question! Yes, when I think about saying "I don't want to t...

i am guilty of doing the same thing.... My older T that retired was bad about not reviewing notes and we never talked about anything that was planned the time before. The newer T pretty much remembers and brings it up. I know it can be frustrating and feel like you aren't really making progress or like there really isn't a plan. Maybe you could just point out that you would like to have more structure in sessions c you feel like you are all over the board ??? Best wishes!!

 

[barefoot]

Thanks @Rumors
Yes, it does feel frustrating because we agreed a focus for our work a couple of sessions ago and now it feels like we're both waiting for the other to bring it up!

I think I'm going to talk to her again about this next time. And I think I'm going to brainstorm some ideas around it at home and take that with me on a big sheet of paper and that will then give us a bit of structure and, if I can't say things, she will be able to see them. I've done that before and it worked well, so it feels like this is a good time to get the flip chart paper out again!

 

[Rumors]

Sounds like a solid plan @barefoot! Perhaps that is exactly what your t is waiting for?? Great critical thinking skills at work here!

 

[Tinyflame]

I am pretty amazed how different things feel and what comes to my mind when I feel safe.

Not sure if that's helpful?

:hug:

 

[Rumors]

@Junebug
Great point... So very true and I had not thought of it this way. I think what makes it much easier for me is that I trust my therapist probably more than I have ever trusted anyone..