joeylittle
Sponsor
I wish those lists would go away...
@551 - I think that you'll discover your feelings more as you work through your other childhood issues. I don't think it's unnatural for you to be questioning your feelings about this event, and whether your response is healthy or whether it's maladaptive. In a funny way, it might be a little of both. Something to remember is that you can have had a trauma experience, an abuse experience, and not develop psychiatric issues from it. There's a scenario where you were upset about it at the time, and you somehow coped with it over time, and it eventually became a thing that didn't bring negative feelings anymore.
So many of the lists emphasize early sexual awareness, and it's a huge red herring. Kids are very curious about their own bodies. They do all sorts of behavior that we would consider inappropriate - except it's not, it's just kids figuring out how they exist as physical creatures. Early masturbation isn't a sign of anything, really.
This is where it becomes challenging for people to find the lines around what is ok and not-ok behavior between children. I don't know if anyone can really give a good 'bottom line' on the subject. There is a point where a kid understands that they are taking advantage of someone's body - that they are doing something abusive. @GMW referenced the UK laws, as that being the age of 10. In the US, some states do not have a provision for this at all; others set the minimum age as low as 7, and as high as 15. I'm assuming that in the UK, as in the US, there are always mitigating factors that are brought to bear, which have to do with the specific child's situation.
I don't think it's wrong to believe that children as young as 7 or 8 can understand what abuse is, well enough to know what they are doing if they perpetrate it.
So back to @551 - many of the things on that list that you marked can be a result of the abuse experiences that you had, that you know were abusive. So I wouldn't put too much stock in the list. What matters is continuing to be open with yourself and your therapist about the topic, and seeing how the events with your cousin may (or may not) gain in relevance as you move through your therapy.
@551 - I think that you'll discover your feelings more as you work through your other childhood issues. I don't think it's unnatural for you to be questioning your feelings about this event, and whether your response is healthy or whether it's maladaptive. In a funny way, it might be a little of both. Something to remember is that you can have had a trauma experience, an abuse experience, and not develop psychiatric issues from it. There's a scenario where you were upset about it at the time, and you somehow coped with it over time, and it eventually became a thing that didn't bring negative feelings anymore.
So many of the lists emphasize early sexual awareness, and it's a huge red herring. Kids are very curious about their own bodies. They do all sorts of behavior that we would consider inappropriate - except it's not, it's just kids figuring out how they exist as physical creatures. Early masturbation isn't a sign of anything, really.
This is where it becomes challenging for people to find the lines around what is ok and not-ok behavior between children. I don't know if anyone can really give a good 'bottom line' on the subject. There is a point where a kid understands that they are taking advantage of someone's body - that they are doing something abusive. @GMW referenced the UK laws, as that being the age of 10. In the US, some states do not have a provision for this at all; others set the minimum age as low as 7, and as high as 15. I'm assuming that in the UK, as in the US, there are always mitigating factors that are brought to bear, which have to do with the specific child's situation.
I don't think it's wrong to believe that children as young as 7 or 8 can understand what abuse is, well enough to know what they are doing if they perpetrate it.
So back to @551 - many of the things on that list that you marked can be a result of the abuse experiences that you had, that you know were abusive. So I wouldn't put too much stock in the list. What matters is continuing to be open with yourself and your therapist about the topic, and seeing how the events with your cousin may (or may not) gain in relevance as you move through your therapy.
