In therapy it has come out multiple times how the fact that I never went to college has damaged me both in reality and in my mind. Let me first say that I come from a family steeped in education. My father graduated from Washington & Lee (he started college at 16) and a Masters from Columbia. My mother also graduated from college as did everyone in my family and extended family.
As a result of my CSA at a young age which I never told anyone about for 45 years, leading to abuse of drugs beginning at 13 and basically acting out and wild I am guessing my parents did not know what to do with me. I went through HS with terrible grades and a terrible attitude, getting high, skipping classes etc. Additionally, the fact that I went to 3 high schools, NY, TX & PR did not help. As I think back as upsetting as it is I can remember the following:
Why was I just discarded that way? I will never know but it has haunted me my entire life both mentally and with career choices. While I sabotaged myself terribly with no one willing or able to stop it I happen to be very intelligent (while screwed up at the same time) and would have excelled with an eduction.
As a result of my CSA at a young age which I never told anyone about for 45 years, leading to abuse of drugs beginning at 13 and basically acting out and wild I am guessing my parents did not know what to do with me. I went through HS with terrible grades and a terrible attitude, getting high, skipping classes etc. Additionally, the fact that I went to 3 high schools, NY, TX & PR did not help. As I think back as upsetting as it is I can remember the following:
- I cannot remember anyone ever asking me what are my plans, thoughts about college?
- I never once saw a guidance counselor in HS
- No one ever asked me about my bad grades, checked if I did my homework or encouraged me to live up to my potential
- No one pressed me to apply to college (I actually did on my own and did get into one but never went, could not see how it would be possible)
- Neither parent ever mentioned college to me or asked anything about it
- Ultimately however, like my abuse my part in all this even with challenges I faced was inexcusable
Why was I just discarded that way? I will never know but it has haunted me my entire life both mentally and with career choices. While I sabotaged myself terribly with no one willing or able to stop it I happen to be very intelligent (while screwed up at the same time) and would have excelled with an eduction.