Was I That Bad?

[sunnydaze]

In some of my threads I referred to a woman whom I invited over last week with her children and was a no show. I had a confrontation with her a few weeks ago due to her not putting her 3 year old in a car seat. Sunday, I gave her my grandsons and bought him a new seat. Yesterday, she showed up at a meeting w/o car seat with her 3 year old son. She wanted a ride from me yesterday and of course I told her no. Today, out of nowhere with some dissociatvie aspects, I called her with alot of anger. She wasn't home and I left her a message. I told her she had nerve to not secure her son for his safety especially since I provided him with a seat. I threatened her if I ever witness him not in his seat while she has him in her car, I will take matters in my own hands and get the law involved. She witnessed me losing it a few weeks ago so why should that have been a surprise to her that that angered me so. She even went as far as hiding her car after the meeting so I would not see the carseat wasn't there. Little did she know I checked her car before going into the meeting. She is a very large woman and I feel out of laziness she doesn't obey the law. Too much to bend over I suppose. I love children very much and will always try to protect them. I know I could have handled it in a milder manner but I was so mad. I kept telling myself not to do it but the other person in me fought and won out. I proceeded to dial her number.
sunnydaze

 

[shadowmedic]

sunnydaze-
i completely understand where you are coming from. respectfully, SM

 

[Lucky Laser]

Doing things in anger (yelling, etc.) is probably not a good thing but then again I would argue that there are times when certain people need a good chewing out. One of my friends actually followed a woman home once because she was talking on a cell phone and pulled out in front of her. My friend had her young son with her and she pointed to him and told the woman something like she could have killed him! A little out of line? Maybe... but so is talking on a cell phone and pulling out in front of people because of it. Tough call...

 

[Damiea]

Hello Sunnydaze, I don't have PTSD but I would have been upset also. The way I feel about things like this is... "IF" something ever happened to that child how would I feel if I had done nothing yet had known about it.

 

[samsara]

go by your instincts. no harm was done, except you got quite stressed. She wasn't harmed by your actions though, they will sink in,eventually. If not, you'll never fully know, but you did what you thought was right. The best thing for you to do now is find solace in that and move on. You're gona be cool bebe, you care. And that's more than a lot of people out there I'm afraid. The world is a better place with you in it. Next time, you'll have learned how to do the same thing, but a bit more on the cooler side of expression.

 

[shadowmedic]

i find that anger, in itself is kind of a weird thing. being in the military, i'm used to screaming and getting screamed at for that matter. i guess in today's society that is considered taboo. but with the situation that you described above, i think i would have cut loose on her pretty hard. i don't think i would have followed someone in their car though because it could be considered stalking for one and for two, you don't know if they have a weapon in their vehicle. just food for thought. respectfully, SM

 

[Jet]

There are times I just do not understand people and this is one of those times. I do not understand how anyone could not take such simple and lifesaving measures as to put their baby in a car seat.

Back in the day when I had a stalker and needed throw away jobs I worked a lot of fast food. And saw many, many people come through the drive though with kids not in car seats, sitting on laps, and in car seats not correctly installed.

Sometimes I tried to be nice (as in the new parents who had their infant in a seat but it was facing forward). But then there was the lady who was driving and had her baby (maybe 9 mo old or so) in the front seat, sharing a seat belt and there was an empty car seat in the back. After she told me the baby was up front with her cause he cried when he was in his car seat I informed her none to pleasantly that she would miss that crying when her baby was no longer with her. She really did not get the concept that if she got in an accident (even if not at a high rate of speed) her baby was going to be crushed between her and the steering wheel and that her weight combined with the seat belt across the childs stomach would probably kill it.

Was it a nice thing to do? Probably not...but neither is spending the day picking out a baby size coffin because you did not want to hear your kid cry.

My nephew and his adoptive sister were killed on his 3rd Birthday (coming home from Chuckie Cheese) when a drunk driver slammed into the side of their minivan. He was in car seat. You never know who you are sharing the road with...what they are on...or if they will lose control. Accidents happen...why take chances with the most precious gift you will ever recieve.

 

[Cecilia]

I am hesitantly going to respond. I totally understand your anger and your rant. But sometimes when I rant, I have a hard time letting go of the anger. You may be different. So this is what works for me. It may not work for anybody but me, but I try to take a different angle.

What she did was wrong and needs to be confronted. I try not to let my imagination run too wild, so I always give the benefit of the doubt and very charitably make the assumption: "oh, she does not know" or "oh, she does not know how."

Then I would approach it as: I saw the car seat I gave you was not in your car. I would hate for your child to be injured or for you to get a ticket. Would you like me to show you how to fasten it in your car?

That keeps me from being accusatory and attacking and it keeps my anger down. Then if she does not listen, at least I warned her.

In my state, there is a site on line where you can annonimously report people not using child safety seats. After I had warned her, I would consider that for the safety of the child.

 

[baileysemt]

(a) It is perfectly reasonable to be upset that a 3-year-old is not being restrained in a car seat.

(b) It is especially perfectly reasonable to be upset that a 3-year-old is not being restrained in a car seat when one has been provided for him free of charge.

(c) I have called in several unrestrained children to the police in my lifetime -- all long before I had PTSD. :)

Some things just way "cross the line" in life ... IMHO, not buckling a child up in a car seat is one of them. The child is the innocent victim here. The child has no understanding in what is going on. The child is relying on his/her mother to make the right decision and protect him or her, and that mother is hurting her child by not caring for him or her in such an easy and effective way.

Confronting a mother about this, and calling it in to police, are not unreasonable behaviors.

Bailey

 

[scm]

No Car Seat

Sunnydaze - In my opinion children are innocents; they don't have a voice. If a child is in danger - for whatever reason - I say something; most times it's anonymous, sometimes it's not. I always feel better though having done it.

scm

 

[sunnydaze]

I just figured out why I reacted to this woman in an unappropiate way. I called her twice leaving her nasty messages due to my worry and concern of her 3 year old son whom she was not putting in restraint while driving. My 2 year old cousin fell out of his dad's car years ago and his dad(my uncle) ran over him and killed him. Yes, he was not buckled in and was playing with the door handle and out he fell. He was right arouind the corner from his home and his bigger brother heard the sirens and told his mom some little kid probably got hurt not knowing it was his brother.
I had a trigger of this a few days ago and now understand why I cannot and will not tolerate children being driven in a car without a carseat or booster seat. I love children as previously stated and have deep concern for all of them. I guess it triggered me into P.T.S.D. mode. I have now developed a twitch on my left side of the face since this argument with the woman. My what nerves can do to a person.
sunnydaze

 

[Deleted member 487]

Sunnydaze, I realize that you have emotional issues over this. But I have to ask how you feel you are making things better? You're making yourself mad over this, and it's not accomplishing anything. Instead of continually getting mad, just don't have anything to do with her.
You gave her a seat to use, and she is the one that decides not to use it. If you feel that strongly about it, talk to the authorities.

But to call her when you're angry? Is that right? If someone called me angry because they don't approve of how I'm raising my kids, I'd be less than hospitable.

Don't hate me for saying this, but you have done all you can do. You have done all you should do. The boy ain't yours.

It's out of your hands.