Childhood Was it abuse or just bad parenting?

[CoalStars]

Sssssooooooo this is kinda an awkward thing! When I was middle school age (less than 12 for sure, but probably older than 9) I slept in my own bed, but in my moms room. That's not the awkward part. My parents were divorced but trying to get back together at the time.
Cue awkward part!

I am "asleep" in my bed as a middle scholar child, with my mom and dad laying in their own bed. And I can hear my dad trying to seduce her, and she's saying "you broke my heart. I can't let you into my vagina until you're back in my heart" so that's definitely awkward, but I'm still getting to the really awkward part!
So my dad gives up and I think he just like...started masterbating?? And I hear a "funny noise" that was probably him masterbating, and I hear my mom telling him "don't make a mess!"
Ahhhhhhh! Isn't that awkward??? I remember wanting to scream IM AWAKE!!! But I was too scared. My dad's an overall shitty person too, abusive and violent and horrible and all kinds of bad things. I'm just trying to figure out where to place this event on the scale of Bad Things My Dad Did. Is it really bad that he did that in the same room as me?? Why did my mom let him???? It's an awful memory!! What would you call it?

 

[EveHarrington]

This depends on your culture, I believe.

In some cultures the whole family lives in the same hut so children are naturally exposed to sex at a younger age. In western (more prudish) cultures, this is seen as inappropriate.

 

[Suzetig]

I’m guessing your parents thought you were asleep, and had no reason to think you were awake so didn’t think they were exposing you to sex. Also depending on the reason you were sharing a room with your mum (eg necessity, could afford/didn’t have another room for you), I’m assuming she didn’t purposely put you in her room to witness her sex life.

It sounds like they didn’t know you were awake.

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @CoalStars... I think it was wrong... So wrong that you heard this..

From what you have said about your dad.. I would just put this on your list..... As an awful memory... I'm so sorry that happened to you.. X

 

[James McGregor]

I would say absolutely in now way abuse, not by any stretch of the imagination, as you have said awkward and cringeworthy, but no not at all abusive

 

[CdnCopper]

Imho....it sounds like an awkward, cringe worthy moment where they thought you were probably asleep.

I still get those when I think too much about how I got here....my parents had to actually "do it"....gives me the shivers.

 

[CoalStars]

Thanks for replies. I was also pretty sure it was awkward but not abusive, but I wanted some outside opinions to be sure.

 

[Lena Mae]

Your parents likely did not intend you to hear their private conversations but you did, and the affect to you could be the same no matter their intentions. I'm sorry that happened to you - and to your mom. Seems she had struggles with your dad, what your dad did to hurt her/break her heart. On top of her broken heart she has to tell him to not make a mess. An awkward situation, and uncomfortable memories. Peace and grace to you.