Sexual Assault Was it rape?

[joeylittle]

we shouldn't talk about rape under the category SEXUAL ASSAULT? what should we be discussing then??

PTSD where the trauma was sexual assault.

@emmmylou - I'll ask you to take a step back and remember that this is a PTSD forum first and formost. That doesn't mean we don't discuss sexual assault. It simply means that it's usually in the context of PTSD.

You mentioned a bad prior experience - have you been raped before?

 

[Friday]

I'm one of the regular bad guys here on this forum, and I catch a lot of shit over it, who is really blunt about saying when I don't believe something is rape or sexual assault. I don't tell people it's not their fault, or say things to make the person in front of me feel better, just because they're upset. Ever. In no small part because when there are things that are your fault? You can fix them. Blithely shoving blame onto someone else just means that the same horrible situation will happen over, and over, and over again ...when it doesn't have to. Because if it's not rape? There are things you can do to make sure that never happens again.

So you have my profound apologies, because yeah. This was rape.

Which means that there was absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent it, or stop it, or make things happen differently. Because none of this was your choice, or your fault. You even tried, a few times (not required, rape happens even when people are completely docile), and all he did was up his level of force.

***

Let's look at your choices for a minute:

- Dating a guy? Is a normal healthy thing to do.
- Spending time with your boyfriend/new lover/interest? Is a normal healthy thing to do.
- Talking about sex with a guy you're sleeping with? Is a normal healthy thing to do.
- Getting drunk/high? Not healthy, very dangerous, but the side effects include addiction, injury (organ damage), institutions (mental & legal), & death. Not rape. It's not like you can be alone in a hotel room, do a line of coke or shot of tequila, & people materialize out of thin air raping you. Just doesn't happen. Rape is not a side effect of any known substance. Partying & sketchy people? Increases the risk for a whole lot of things; but a lot like a bank being in the ghetto is at a lot more risk for getting robbed, doesn't mean it's he bank's fault it was robbed. It doesn't matter how drunk or high you were. Neither is ever an excuse to rape or assault someone.

So you've got a bunch of normal healthy things, and one thing that has nothing to do with the price of tea in china. None of which are consent to sex.

 

[emmmylou]

PTSD where the trauma was sexual assault.

@emmmylou - I'll ask you to take a ste...

I came to this site because I thought I would be surrounded by supporting people who are supposed to understand because they have had or dealt with similar circumstances. I checked before I posted my thread to see if there were similar posts. There were, but why should I have to stay silent and read other peoples stories that are kind of the same but also NOT AT ALL? Am I supposed to not seek support because some "premium" washed up user of this site with a million replies is tired of reading about rape trauma?

 

[joeylittle]

@emmmylou - you are welcome here. But you should also read our community constitution, so you better understand that this is a forum that values diversity of opinion.

You're on a three day temp ban. I'm not in the mood for monitoring new members slinging mud. You are welcome to come back after that time.

You may also want to check out www.rainn.org in the interim.