Was my therapist now my best friend

[hithere]

@Bird33 It is recent, at least to me it is recent. I saw this therapist for 3 years. It was the most confusing and painful experience of my life. The drama was being played out all the way up to 4 weeks ago. I am the one who said I have to end this, and I said it to his face. So there is no going back now. I was seeing him once a week still. But, back in October was when I started my "emotional detachment." I started doing things to help me get ready to put it to a final end. It was excruciating. It felt like a death all along the way. I was able to function during the autumn and winter but my mind would not let go.

 

[Bird33]

@hithere im sorry that you had to and are going through this! I totally understand how you are feeling. I am the same way I feel like death but making it through the days. It’s so frustrating not to be able to get it out if your mind!. I am rooting for you too!

 

[Bird33]

Just an update. I have not seen her for a while then heard from her again wanting to talk. Then she would make me wait weeks until she had a few moments then I would wait weeks again. It was a power play I felt. Well, yesterday I wrote this to her and I’m done. I also blocked her on all social media.

“I am so confused and hurt. I wouldn’t treat anyone how you are treating me now and this isn’t the first time. I am obviously not a priority to you, the fact that it has taken this long to have a conversation. You keep saying you don’t want to hurt me and you care about me but you never say sorry. It is always I have to take care of myself. How is this caring? And if it is caring I don’t want it. You are a therapist, you were my therapist. You told me to trust you and I did. I was very vulnerable and you took advantage of that. I had you on a pedestal and you should have known the power differential would be off bc of who you were. You never thought about how the relationship would affect me. It has always been how you feel and what you need. I remember when our friendship first started you told me I needed to talk about how it was for me but that ended soon after bc you didn’t want to look at it. It was like you were never my therapist but that did not go away for me. When this relationship first began I had warning signs flashing about starting a relationship with my therapist but bc of my past I couldn’t trust my instincts. I had several people telling me the relationship was wrong and to run away, including my therapist now. I feel so used bc I was a dog sitter, baby sitter, painter, furniture builder.....all your needs. I feel so vulnerable bc you know my history. Now people are saying to run away again....why would I stay in a relationship that is on again off again, that clearly my needs don’t matter. I should have listened to them in the beginning. It would have saved me so much pain. But that was your responsibility not mine. I didn’t ask for this you did. You knew this relationship was wrong bc you told me in the beginning you could lose your license. You never thought of me, it was about you. And what is happening now clearly shows me it is about you, my feelings don’t matter. I am freeing myself from the relationship and I needed to do this for my closure.”

It feels good to be done but also scary I guess. It was just so messed up.

I wanted to thank everyone here for all the support, I would not have been able to do what I did without it.

 

[Justmehere]

Well, yesterday I wrote this to her and I’m done. I also blocked her on all social media.

Yes! You did great! Well done and congrats on taking your power back and setting yourself free from a very manipulative and unhealthy person. It took real strength and I hope you hold your head high.

 

[littleoc]

I’m so amazed at your strength. So glad you could do this :hug:

 

[Bird33]

Thank you @Justmehere and @littleoc! This took a lot of work but I did it. I feel good overall. I needed to do this for myself. I am just upset with myself for allowing this to happen and I’m also upset that people like this exist. I’m a work in progress......

 

[somerandomguy]

I’m a work in progress......

As are we all. Congratulations to you.

I hate to be the fly in the ointment, but do you have a plan in place if you feel like contacting her again, or if she manages to contact you again herself?

 

[Bird33]

As are we all. Congratulations to you.

I hate to be the fly in the ointment, but do you have a plan in place if you feel like contacting her again, or if she manages to contact you again herself?

I don’t plan on contacting her again. I am all done! And I have not thought about what to do if she contacts me. I guess I would listen to her bc I don’t want to be rude but I don’t think we can move past what I said to her. She is pretty narcissistic and didn’t know I told anyone so I think that will bother her enough that she won’t want to talk to me again.

 

[hithere]

Well done! I hope you do feel the freedom. Please don't feel foolish. Realize this is painful stuff. You are breaking free of the addiction to her, that she knew full well she was creating. Come back here if you ever get those "lost" and "longing" feelings, eventually with time your heart will heal. It is very much a broken heart. I'm so glad you are getting stronger! There is a whole world out here for us to engage in "whole-heartedly" I hope we get there!

 

[Bird33]

Well done! I hope you do feel the freedom. Please don't feel foolish. Realize this is painful stuff. You are breaking free of the addiction to her, that she knew full well she was creating. Come back here if you ever get those "lost" and "longing" feelings, eventually with time your heart will heal. It is very much a broken heart. I'm so glad you are getting stronger! There is a whole world out here for us to engage in "whole-heartedly" I hope we get there!

Thank you @hithere. I do feel the freedom! I can tell you understand by the comments you are making. I do feel foolish by what happened and the fact that it took me so long to see it, listen to others and do something about it but I am trying to understand the dynamics of what happened and learn from it. Your right it was an addiction and she did create it. I can see the steps she did to build it now. It hurts so much and I am getting better. Your right that there is a whole world to engage in, I am hopeful we can all engage in it one baby step at a time. ?