Relationship We Meet Again, Combat Ptsd.

[Whereveryougo]

Hope is Huge! I actually had a dear friend of mine ask me "why do you put up with him" my only response was because he is worth it. I have notice so many people are so uneducated while I am still reading everything I can get my hands on I can not be educated enough! My veteran told me he did not want to hold me hostage to his issue the only thing I could think of was that all I wanted was him and the whole subscription:) Hope for a better day tomorrow for me. Good luck May! and thanks Ms. Positive to think I used to think I was alone in all of this...

 

[MsPositive40]

You are definitely not alone sweety, I feel the same way. Im gonna take this time that my vet and I are separate to take care of me! I have not gave up on him but I have backed off. I told him I will always be here for him that I love him with all my heart but I can not do anymore than that. I felt as if I was getting sick myself and I cant permit that to happen! If we are meant to be together no man in this world could ever tare us apart. Until then I just will text him maybe once a weak to make sure he is ok and tell him Im still hear for him!!!!
Lets Stay Strong :tup:

 

[Whereveryougo]

Strong! Yes!!! He left yesterday while I was working and I am determined not to contact him first. Seems the closer we get is when he does a 360 and runs but I agree if it is meant to be it will be and he knows how much I am putting up with. I think this is why he runs but you cant force them to love you and stand by you and that is hard for me to accept!

 

[May1321]

I'm actually doing well... sometimes it is the clearing in the fog that helps me seek deeper understanding and confidence within myself.

I think sometimes people are so consumed with our business but really have no baring on what exactly we understand and our feeling or dealing with. I've struggled with that lately possibly more than even my sufferer... it seems to just enhance my bitty issues with my sufferer, in fact.

Again... as I read yesterday which really just gave me confidence in how I felt and what I faced... It isn't my job to make everyone ELSE feel okay about the issues I face. Nevertheless, it is up to ME to look inward and ask those tough questions and gain clarity about the next phase of my life. MY life. What great words... :)

My sufferer and I have unfortunately - but maybe fortunately - hit our stand still. At least in my comprehension of the situation. He can't move forward any further with me and I have reached the peak of my understanding for what he's going through between us. Though my education keeps broadening... we aren't taking the steps at the same pace together and it isn't up to me to push him along but continue being my own rock and maybe in some way paving the way.

I feel like the negative feedback from people you don't even ask is what depletes your own hope, or makes you feel like you may be going crazy for having 'hope'. It really comes down to US and the answers to OUR OWN questions.

"What do I really want?" "If I had everything I want, would this be the way I want to be treated?" "Are these behaviours tolerable?" "Excusable?" "Is it him, or is it really me?" "Where am I getting the majority of my insight and advice from?" "Are they reliable sources?"

All we can do is do what is best for us - YOU - ME - and be certain that what is 'best' for us is coming from within us and not from some other source thinking that is best for us. It's like my sufferer thinking that an $150 date night should make me happy... Well, first off, that isn't what truly would make me happy as what I want doesn't have a price or a time line, and it was HIS movie and restaurant choice. So how would a friend I've known all but a year and seen twice, talked to a handful of times, and though we have deep conversations, how would she know what I'm looking for in someone or what I am tolerant of??

Sorry... this all may be a tangent... I get going sometimes ;)

 

[MsPositive40]

You dont have to be sorry, I understand exactly what you are saying, and you are so right! My BF and I also hit our stand still, I dont know if its for good or if its temporary but I have put myself together and realized that WE can not make them better, They must rise up and learn how to let go of those hurts and pains. Forgive the people who did them wrong, Forgive themselves for the mistakes they have made. They have to remember that there emotions follow there thoughts. I just hope that my vet along with everyone else here on this forum with PTSD that wants to be FREE they have to keep there mind focused on the good things that has happened in there lives!!!! and to remember that "Your PAST does not have to determine your FUTURE...
Lets stay STRONG :tup:

 

[Whereveryougo]

May never apologize for something you do not own... I have learned that! Ms. Positive I really hope it works out for you and all of us actually. My Vet has not been home in two days now... He left his medicine, shaving bag, etc. this tells me he is coming back I think. I have to admit ladies I stalked his sister's house last night (am I crazy) sure enough her lights were on at 2 am and his car was there. He goes there to isolate himself his sister lets him sit in a room for days on end. I on the other hand give him his space but I encourage him to move about. I am so worried because I know he is isolating just like he wants to away from life... I really want to go tell him he is being an a@@ and how much he has hurt me the last couple days. I dont know what to do. I have chosen not to contact him whatsoever and wait and let him show back up. Any ideas? I am so lost on how to handle him that I am bottling up my emotion and want to explode on him but if I do that he will walk and never look back and that scares the hell out of me.

 

[May1321]

Any ideas?

Sometimes we are our own worst enemies... I've had to learn immediately with my sufferer that I needed a space to seperate what was the real issue and if it was to do with him, myself, or something creeping its way into my pysche from my past. My "T" has helped tremedously!! So has this forum, journaling, and exercise when I'm super motivated to do it.

My favorite saying from my "T" is... 'when in doubt? shut your mouth'

It'll come to you and may not even exist when he returns. Maybe sort it out on paper and at least that helps you choose what and how to say what you need to when that moment/opportunity arises.

I'm horrible at confrontation so sorting it out at first when I can... (when we aren't speaking)... has helped a ton and I notice this even amongst my other relationships.

I tell you... there are a few people I wish I could tell off today that have nothing to do with my sufferer but I'm so horrible at saying what I need to say at that moment, the moment usually passes me by. Grrrrr :mad:

 

[Whereveryougo]

I wish I was like you! I spout off too easily and my veteran usually says "oh, it is all about you again" this is after I have stroked his ego to know end to not argue... When your guy ditches on you do you call him or wait it out?

 

[Curly]

Thank you for this post princessx. This is how I feel every time my B/F and I split or fall out and get back together. So lovely to read all the supportive replies too. Hope everything works out for you and your marine. x

 

[Curly]

...and for all of us of course.

 

[Whereveryougo]

For all of us!

 

[May1321]

When your guy ditches on you do you call him or wait it out?

I think initially, a few neutral "What's up?" texts or phone calls are acceptable... but then wait it out.

My sufferer and I... though technically "broken up" have still maintained a ton of contact and seeing each other but when he disappeared Friday to head to California to visit family, my first thought when he didn't call was "WTH?" "Maybe this is it... he's finally ceasing contact with me." I text him when I hadn't heard from him, "Hey... just checking in on you to see if you made it o.k." sent another text a few hours later... "Hello?" and then just a follow-up one about something the new kitten was doing. The next morning I tried calling and his phone was off so left him a VM... "Hey. Just seeing if you made it safely... at least give me a heads up." Then left it alone - Frustrated as all get out, mind you! - but Walked into a number of "I miss you" and "Good morning beautiful girl" emails Monday morning and he had lost his phone at the airport. If I had overreacted to his mistaken disappearance, we'd be done.

I think sometimes when I do fly off the handle, it's an overreaction to something he's doing. Yes... he could take into consideration WHAT he's doing and how it's affecting me but he just hasn't figured it all out yet - what I need. But each time we fight and fall out, I've taken time to really think about the things that initially are making me frustrated and I think he's understood their validity even though he's not acknowledging it at that time (will need his space/a nap/a night alone) and he's making efforts the next time to do better and I think that must be worth SOMETHING. I just have to be careful how much I give at once so not to get into that resentment feeling.